All Comments on 'Aaron Ch. 21-25'

Happy to have another chapter to start the weekend. It was another good one JanuaryMoon.

I couldn't help but think of SAMCRO when i read Redwood pack.

What or who SAMCRO is - I'll have to hope Google will fill me in, or that you'll do so Oddball

Hope you enjoyed it and Hope to get the next part out quicker

JM

It's from a show called Sons of Anarchy.

SAMCRO = Sons (of) Anarchy Motorcycle Club Redwood Original

It was the word redwood that made me think of it. It had a 7 year run that ended a couple years ago. My mind just went off on a tangent. Really has no bearing on your writing.

Loved your work as usual.

Great chapter and I look forward to the next, Although I don't know why he can't be in as search and rescue closer to home. There must be a training camp closer so he can stay with his family. Maybe Thorne could have him start their own search and rescue service in the area.

Oddball68 thanks I have heard of but never watched Sons of Anarchy.

Willieone - thanks, well if he could train and get certified close to home events I need, okay want to happen could not lol

Talk-to-Action ratio should be much smaller. Also, the characters seem to repeat the same or similar dialog more than twice (I apologize . . . you are my life).

The beginning started out promising, but at this point, I've lost a sense of where you are going with this (the story arc).

Also bear in mind that cuss words used too liberally lose their shock value and merely slow the exchange of information.

I seldom offer constructive criticism, but in this case I think if you pay attention to some of these issues you may have a story that will earn good ratings.

Thank you for your constructive feedback I plan on doing much more writing in the future and tips like yours will help me continue to improve my craft.

JM

At least at the beginning between Aaron and Kate. Since they both want to watch their language around Emily, it'll help them if they watch their language around themselves as well - less chance of a naughty word coming out than if they turn on /turn off (i.e. watch their language only around Emily). Loved reading how Aaron's ears turned red when Kate scolded him for talking about their sex lives to others - make me grin. Can't blame her as most women wouldn't want their sex lives discussed with other friends/family.Yeah, sometimes Aaron is a moron LOL

luv2read2

Yeah on the potty mouthedness (think I Just invented that word) until an earlier comment because of my stop and start writing lately I hadn't realised just how many sentences contained the cussing - I want to keep some that's who they are in a way and is how my friends and I often speak but it is certainly at a much lower ratio. Glad little bits like Aaron's ears are bringing smiles like I intended.

Thanks for reading and commenting

JM