Irresistible

nice and sweet, more chapters plz

You seem to suffer from the same problem I have: too much detail.

I have, actually, written a number of stories here at Literotica. You won't find them using this username, as I also have a tendency to piss people off when they expect to get praise for some shitty story they submitted, and I proceed to tell them why it sucked.

BUT, the problem we share is too much detail. The traffic stop was full of details, and for the most part, accurate details. But you could have edited it down to "I was doing 110 when I was pulled over by the police. I really lucked out when the police officer was sympathetic to my situation. I nearly couldn't believe it when he let me off with a stern warning, but I obeyed his instructions to calm down, slow it down, and get there safely without risking my life."

Or something along those lines.

This is Literotica. This should be a short story, not a full-length novel. You just don't have the time and space available to incorporate details that do so little to advance the storyline. You do write well, but you'd write even better if you heed my advice.

Pay Up

Epiphany_Jones ... you didn't pay for the story and I'm sure you can find better reading elsewhere. Maybe you should pay for what they want ... since this is free you advice means nothing.

Re: Pay Up

Anon, you didn't pay for the story either and I'm sure you can skip reading comments, especially ones not directed to your sorry ass.

Details

I like the Detail's. Sorry if i ruined your Lesson Epiphany. But a good or Bad story are made up of Detail's. But the next question is who's sister is Nikki first she's his wife's Sister then she is his Sister those are detail's we would like to know.

Sister or Sister-in-Law

You kept switching back and forth between these two! Both are hot but please pick one. Otherwise good. Keep going.

A story that needs an ending

Overall, a fairly good story, one that does need a sequel, despite what one particular critic seems to think. I'm looking forward to the next instalment.

Not bad, but you could use an editor

Almost lost me at the 'heroine' use in Pennsylvania. A heroine is a female hero, heroin is a drug.

Part Two

This definitely needs a part 2
Awesome

A couple missteps but enjoyed it immensely.

Looking forward to the sequel!

Love the details

And I want to know more! When Nikki and Hannah are sucking him off, do they play with the rest of his body? Do they stroke the hair on his chest, or his pubic hair, or his hairy abs? All of these parts can quite sexy on a sleeping man!

Pleasant and distracting tale

No real personality development here but quite a bit of tension.. There is constant confusion on his relationship with the lady.

I liked the story

The details are nice to have; the girls had to cook up their activity before. I think more hijinks would be really nice to read. Much better than story I just read.
RS

incest is having sex with blood related people so having sex with your wife's sister is not incest and there was no incest in this sory just so its in the wrong category

Heroine

"much me comfortable"

Little things like that can really put your reader off.

Loved it..Hope you will add another chapter

thank you sis...is she Bi? so many women jocks are

I liked the sex part of the story, but...

It got a bit confusing as to whether Nikki is his sis-in-law or his sister. (It would have made more sense of she was his sister.) I've never heard of anyone calling their brother-in-law "bro" or a sister-in-law "sis. No matter how close they may be, there's usually still a separation between in-laws and genetic family members. People usually call their sibling's spouses by their first names. I think Nikki calling him "bro" was to imply an incestuous encounter, which it certainly was not, as they are not blood siblings.

You would think that if Nikki called her sister's house reporting trouble at school, that her sister would insist on going along. Instead, it seemed like she blew it off, when her hubby explained where he was going and why. I think more time should have been spent on that conversation.

And what about campus police? Every college has their own police department to handle such incidences on campus, and there's town police to handle the off-campus stuff.

Those are the sort of details that should have been dealt with at the beginning of the story, not some superfluous traffic stop.

It was a bit of a stretch that anyone would believe they could jack-off a guy's cock for more than 20 minutes and he'd remain asleep throughout. Why would he want to fake that, anyway?

And lastly, 110 mph on Pennsylvania highways? You obviously haven't driven much on PA roads. If the potholes don't get ya, the screwy engineering will launch you into a ditch, hillside or ravine at that speed.

As I said in the title, I liked the sex part (except for the faked sleeping bit), but the rest of the story could have used a bit more of your attention.