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English
Confused and confusing
I THINK you might have had an interesting (in)decent idea here but the lack of editing, the lack of any real buildup or feelings or understanding of what your characters went through made it pretty much unreadable. 2 stars for the potential anyway
WTF
Think you have a story in here but it's lost in what you posted. Get an editor and resubmit.
Now that you have introduced the players........................
you need to take each pairing you have and develop each one separately and slowly with a lot of foreplay. Bring them together if you must at Thanksgiving but don't rush it. There's a lot of potential here.
Editor..
English and grammar were never my thing in school but seriously, get an editor. Quit reading the story about halfway through. You may have some potential here with a bit more work but my eyes and brain started hurting trying to connect the dots. 2 stars are all I can do.
IR who?
Six paragraphs in and I only know that a family friend was fingering the wife. Is Ben Asian? Black? Hispanic? White? I mean, it is at least, Loving Wives material at that point but I got bored with nothing more than vanilla philandering as a result of saving a damsel in distress.
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