The First SaR Mission Ch. 01

so far unless you are a pilot this is pretty boring. i realy hope we actualy get a story in the next chapter. and not more jargen.

Long winded intro with way to much of what this or that is...

The long winded intro; Not needed.
You've over explained.
I've been a reader of Literotica for more years then I care to mention. What you've done is basically gone and taken what should have been a smooth read and made it more like work.
Nobody wants to continue to stop and figure things out as their reading.
Write the story and let it flow.
This whole chapter is Aaron doing, feeling, seeing...etc.
When you type, "Aaron looks...." or "He flinched...," you don't need brackets nor parenthesis. You've made a simple story complicated for the readers eyes.
Being one that is legally blind in one eye I can confirm this.
Stop trying so hard. Just put your story out there.
Yes, it is a bit boring, but I see you are trying to set the story up.

Great start!

Why care if it's a bit technical when it was only meant to introduce characters and the situation they find themselves in? I personally found it both informative and compelling. I look forward to reading the rest of the story.

Potential

Lots of info that really isn't needed. The technical jargon killed the story. The [ ]. Omg please please omit them next time.


There could be a good story here, just need to ease up and let it flow instead of trying to compartmentalize everything you don't like about other posts you've read in the past. I'll keep reading if you keep trying!

Hard to read

It does not flow like a good story and reads more like a tech manual. I suggest you follow the story writing formula that has worked for hundreds of years.

FAA transcripts

I didn't mid all the jargon because I'm a student pilot. It did, however, cut heavily into the story and I can see why non-pilots wouldn't like it. Kind of like reading a investigation with audio transcripts attached to it

Interesting !

Not being a pilot it was interesting lots of "teckno stuff" but I agree with kjohns2001 this could be very interesting . 4*'s but could be more . I am very hard to give 5 as it has to be exceptional but I am enjoying it .

Thanks for the read .
tx cracker

Outstanding

Thanks for all of the detail of the flight. Used to work at an airport and was on the airfield talking with the tower. Nicely done.

Breaks vs brakes

Spelled correctly, wrong word

Ditch the Brackets!

Really annoying to reader. I'll give it one more chance since I wanted to like this but it was waaay too much work to read.

Torn

Really want to give up on this story after reading the first chapter, but I see it has such high ratings for the last few chapters. I'm not one that can start in the middle of a story, I have to start from the beginning. Since it's under the Non-Human genre, I'm assuming that will come later and hopefully, will pique my interest. I agree with the others, the brackets are SO not helpful and the technical jargon really alienated me from this story. I am going to give a couple more chapters a go before I give up.