by Jenna Grey
Well written, great images. I like this a lot. Very nice
An interesting read,
but it might be even better
if you did not start two strophes
with the word "Like".
Perhaps a metaphor
instead of a simile?
My thanks to all of you for reading my work and for taking the time to express your enjoyment.
As far as "like" goes- you are right. I think if I just remove the second one the poem will work better. Thank you for taking the time to point that out.
Have a great night!
JG
Kindman,
Thank you for keeping up with my writing. I've not had time to complete a few stories I've started, but poetry is a bit different. I can't seem to function until the poem is taken from my head and made whole in print. Then this whole need to share thing comes into play.
Hope you're having a great summer.
Take care,
JG
This poem is subtly, deeply erotic...and passionate: You unfold this memory beautifully through your sequence of similes, and the poem had several highpoints for me, including the way you let nature speak for the passion and ecstasy between the couple (the rumblings of the storm) and, of course, the bonding through sound of "intense" and "reminiscence" to conclude the poem--a perfect way to let sound and sense intertwine together. The smell of the coffee gives a wonderful echo from Proust to this remembrace of things past.
Sappho, Thank you again for your comments on my work. I wasn't sure about sharing these recent poems with the public, but I'm glad I did now. The enjoyment I know my readers get from my work makes publishing them almost as enjoyable as researching and creating them. But not quite... ;)
Where can you possibly find the time to craft such beautiful work? I am put to shame.
James