All Comments on 'Mage'

This is your 2nd promising poem at Literotica. (The other one was "Big Hats" -- 2 out of 5, pretty good)!

Last line spoils the mood and everything. Don't feel obliged to make an explicit point. (Leave it to the readers).

"frosted touch dancing ..." sounds a bit oxymoronish. Avoid slapping adjectives arbitrarily. Don't "tell" your intentions, don't abuse adjectives this way (let them truly provide nothing but "objective" info, and not opinions etc).

The same goes for "solemn trickle". Except that this "solemn" is even worse.

And a minor point. I feel that the repetition frosted/frosty is in this poem rather counter-productive.

Your poem is so nicely musical (and it's pleasantly moody) that I've decided on a "100" despite all these horribly serious misgivings :-)

Wow, Randi! Nice poem, girl. I had no idea. Great job, keep up the good work.

~lucky

A fitting tribute to a frosty-cool jazzman.

Well written, Randi.

I'm glad I wandered back!

ivory glimmers of polished dreams

Love that.