The Night

You have great potential.

A nice little scene

I liked the way you took it one step at a time. Here, you described the situation where both participants knew what the end point would be, but each played the game along the way requiring the other to take a step towards that end.

I thought it was a good little quickie for a first submission. A couple of words: Gently instead of gentle? And lay on his back instead of layed?

'Large' seemed a little strange when you applied it to his hands and tongue. I couldn't see anything added by that. But at least you didn't have him with an exceedingly large penis as so many stories here seem to insist upon.

I rarely make suggestions for other authors' stories, but your style could go well with the other standard game which is played -- that of slow seduction steps toward the final goal. Each player knows that you're not allowed to make too big a step because the other is supposed to be frightened off by a too blatant move.

See SusanB's 'Eyes Wide Open' story in Erotic Couplings for what I think is the best seduction story.

And, finally, it would be interesting if you put a few more details in your biographical note. I like to know something about the author of the stories I am reading, and you have told us nothing.

Lue

Thank you for the feedback.

I'm definately looking to polish my work, so feed back is really helpful.