All Comments on 'Unexpected Ch. 08'

The story is good but i feel you're hastening it. I sometimes don't understand what's going on. Hopefully you'd take your time for the next chapter.

You're rushing, and I really can't see why Trace should stay, even his brother didn't want him there when he woke up. I felt the whole Alex as his boss scene was unnecessary.

There's a great story trying to get out here. Clearly you have a good imagination have created an interesting character in your hero but everything is so disjointed and this makes everything difficult to follow; maybe an editor will help.

But whatever you do please don't stop writing.

I love this story, please keep writing as you want. Sometimes I get confused but I still want to keep reading. Your style is your decision and I hope you keep at it. I appreciate all the writers efforts on this site and thank you for your work.

Good recovery! I was very critical of the last chapter, overly critical in hindsight, apologies for that.

You have filled in almost all the critical questions and your writing appears to be happily sliding back into the great way you began this terrific story. Your characterization of Benny makes m. just want to hug him and hug him. Relieved to see Callum come out of the Coma and seperations begining to heal.

Thanks for all your hard work in correcting the confusing trajectory and moving forward as you catch us up on the past year. You are a very skilled writer. Just as important, you are a writer who has the ability to put ego aside and take critiques seriously enough to consider them. THAT is a trait that marks a writer as one who will continue to grow in skill moving forward. You have a great future in writing, keep up the good work!

Ab

Better. It jumps a little and one has to think it through sometimes to keep up. Your characters are great. Can't help but fall in love with each one. More, please .

It's a great story. I loved it thoroughly. One request pls write the next chapter soon . Thanx dear for such a beautiful story

I'll admit I haven't been a literotica reader for very long but I've read many stories during that time and I must say this story has captivated me like no other.

I actually thought the kid was going to be from Alex's cousin (She dying and leaving the baby with Alex or something like that) but this also works xD.

The whole part of Alex being Tracys' boss was a bit random and didn't make sense (for me) Tracy is an artist why did he keep working there? did he just stop caring for his "passion"?, and when Alex found him there why didn't he follow Tracy to know what happened if he cared so much?... Idk that's the only part (for now) that was weird.

I hope you do go back to to Callen and Jase bc they still don't make sense to me, in Chapter 4 Jase wanted to date Tracy and by Chapter 6 he was already in a relationship with Callen (Whis suggest it was before chapter 4)???

Anyways good chapter and glad you made it a bit longer (and better this time) take your time and don't rush things.

I feel like I missed something. Sasha implies Alex was in love with his brother and he didn't know his brother was gay (made no sense). No one talked about anything and Tracy ran away. Right? And now he's back with all these references to him forgiving them like he's the bigger person for keeping the peace. What did anyone do to him? Did he ever even talk to or confront anyone before he left? And he and Alex..I'm sorry, I just don't get it. They both were and are so flippant about it when they were allegedly in love. Someone help explain, bc I really do love the gist of the story.

Well Callen still doesn't make sense to me... so that's the same xD.

Sasha.. Who the hell is she?, how did she knew Alex was in love with Callen for years (even if he was not in the moment she said that)?, How did she knew about Callen and Jase?.. and again who the hell is she?! i mean you just let her destroy the book (you get what i mean) but she's not even important part of the book (by that i mean you don't explain who she is or how did she get close to them).

And the relationship Jase/Callen still feels (from what's being said here) it was going on before chapter 4, which would be weird and make no sense.

[Btw to the Anon below me.. yeah, he did try to talk to all of them before he left, he apparently had a fall-out with Callen about him being gay (makes no sense), Jase didn't wanted to talk to him and Alex had his phone off and was out getting the kind (and that also doesn't makes sense he didn't say anything to Tracy.. even just a "Hey i'm leaving for a little bit, having some family problems here just so you know" xD)]

The explanation of the events of this year sound so clinical and bereft of emotion. It's difficult to understand the change in style of the story. It began so well allowing the reader to become invested in the characters' lives. Now it seems that after such an explosive event no one really seems to care to explain why they have reacted the way they did. For having cared so much for each other they just don't appear too interested in understanding each other. If I were Tracy I would be DEMANDING explanations from them, especially Alex. This is certainly an improvement over the messy last chapter but I hope we can regain the flow of the first few chapters. I want to be more engaged again. I appreciate the efforts that writers take to offer us stories and we certainly can be a critical bunch but I hope you take this as constructive and learn from it.

Much better than last chapter. There are some details in the story that are still a bit blurry, but otherwise love the story. Can't wait to see where things go. Keep it coming! Please

I can't wait for the next installment! Seems like a TV series, jumps ahead to draw back and explain...

Keep it coming

I think your story is great! I like that since it is a first person story, the audience learns things as Tracy does. People have commented about not getting the Callen thing, but that's kinda the point. Tracy doesn't understand it yet either. I think the story is getting there if people will be patient. I know that's hard, I'm always looking for the next chapter myself.

I do really like and enjoy the story, but I think you need to add time stamps or something cos most of that lost me with flipping between now, past and further past... lol I know that didn't make sense.

Anyway I'm gonna keep reading :) I hope you enjoy writing as much as I have reading it