"Tradimento" - Italian for Betrayal

Good

I enjoyed it. Three good stories to read today, after two days of junk. Sweet!

Good read.

I enjoed your story alot. The revenge was superb. I also like that he told Grace the truth

Author not sweating the technique or the technology

This story is going to be very popular as it panders shamelessly base payback desires with very substantial and vocal LW demographic. Preface aside which claims this is fundamentally a true story . The story arc duplicates Richard Gerald 's 'Another Love ' series in many respects. That serial caused an uproar due to that author's wordsmith skills combined with RG opting for reconciliation at conclusion.

To me, imhapless has basically bowdlerized " Another Love " but with his inimitable daedal twist. Many will laud this story . I recognize it as journeyman writing, written for mass appeal. imhapless is not a hack in my eyes . He is very imaginative and very versatile in both his whimsical viginettes. In terms of him and previous other author mentioned, I see a New York Post versus New York Times disparity in terms of Literary style.

I congratulate imhapless not so much for ' this ' story and what I as the reader desired, but for very probably achieving with this submission exactly what he wanted.

I Like Your Style Of Writing*****

You tell a great story. Thanks for sharing.

Way to go

I hope Richard Gerald reads this and sees how a man is supposed to deal with this type of situation. His similar story sucked (especially since he thinks it is ok to disrespect a military man while at war)!

Good

Can people really be so disconnected during a marriage that they can cheat for years without being discovered? Can the cheater live with the stress of possible discovery? Can the accomplices live with the guilt? Can the cuckold not notice something is amiss? Does marriage demand hyper vigilance to be sure of a spouses fidelity? GRIM

Nice

Worse type of woman imaginable. Cheats on her husband and includes her daughters in on her actions. Fucking disgusting slag cunt. She and the slag cheating daughter got what they deserved.

Like deja vu all over again

Pretty sure I enjoyed this story the first time I read it a year or so back.

Why keep in touch with Grace?

She was in her twenties. She wasn't a kid. She knew what was right and wrong. Yet she chose to do her father wrong, for years and years. This could have been a 5 star story, easily, if you only bothered to tidy up that loose ending.

Seriously, why do writers here in LW always push for reconciliation with children who betrayed them?

Two stars.

Holy Shitski's Batman ! What was that art artifact at the door ?

LSD , you know that I respect the *^#@ outta you and your usually spot on critiques , but I'm afraid your not seeing the forest for the trees on this one my friend.
Imhapless , just gave the big middle finger to the Anti-Moral squad ( we'll be hearing from them shortly ) !
This was obviously some of the best Black Humor in this category since "The Bullet" did his little story on JPB. I actually have a perma grin on my face right now , and I literally spit out my tea !
Wow , just wow ! Let me bask in the glow of this over the top masterpiece ! This is the LW equivalent to Blazing Saddles .
Be back latter after the fireworks start ! Toodles ! lol chuckle chuckle chuckle !

maybe, since she was first involved so young

Grace was quite young when her mother (who was her primary care-giver) started her affair.
She was the younger daughter.
So with that early influence on her she was going to be more accepting of her mothers actions than if the affair had started when she was an adult.
Young children are not expected to know right from wrong until their parents teach them (usually falling to the mother).
For that I can see forgiving her.
For her siding with her father against her mother and sister afterwards, becoming closer is easy to accept.

Another excellent story by @imhapless...

Another excellent story by @imhapless...What she did, involving their children, had no excuse. The lover was a lucky man, his death was an easy way out. What happened to the other cheating cunt: Gina the "friend"? Her hand must ahve been in all of what happened...And finally: Did he put his traitress older daughter out of his will? If not, when he dies she will inherit part of his money! Every time I read a story from you, I have to smile thinking you are every time nearer of the 5*...Thank you for the story

this five-stars story

Thanks for the story. Sometimes you must act not fair to punish the fucking cheating bitch... but it's worth of it.

All The Makings of A Good Story

Except flow. It's a great framework, structure. It's a house- not a home. Other than confusing chronically for chronicling, great editing. Take this to a publisher and make a pitch.

?

Alright read except for the fantasy parts, DNA swapping ? carrying a panic button ?
booby trapped steel doors, what's wrong with the windows ?

Thought

“Therefore I was sworn to secrecy." – Fuck that! He’s your father, whom you presumably love, and you’re going to honor a promise not to tell him that your mother is cheating on him?

“cryptic last comment the process server made” – Nothing cryptic about that!

"Then why is your father of Italian ancestry” – The swab that supposedly came from him would show that HE had Italian ancestry! Also, wouldn’t they simply be testing that the man that “his” swab came from was or wasn’t her father, not checking her ancestry?

“Melody (a widower my age)” – “widow”!

Gee why is Angela divorcing her cheating husband? Doesn’t she believe that he can have enough love for both her and his lover? LOL!

This reminds me of Richard Gerald's "Another Love."

****

Good plot. However.... it felt, to me, like more of a fleshed out draft rather than a finished tale.

Great Story

The scores for this story should be much higher. The husband was a little slow in opening his eyes, but once he did hell rained down on his treacherous wife.

4*

I little more pain to his daughters would've gotten it a 5*

Well written but....

Well written but considering the male in the story is a jerk which makes it hard to root for him. Blaming children who are barely out of the house and his DNA scam he ran on them was truly awful. Only way I would have liked the story was if both wife and husband ended getting burned by the children who they emotionally abused. Still the writer knows how to write so 4*

-->sbrooks103x...

Good point about the swabs... What he SHOULD have done is get swabs from some other Dutch ancestry individual unrelated to him which would then not match his daughter... Or get a swab from another predominantly Italian female and swap for his daughter's swab....

And Angela was getting divorced because her husband caught HER not because she caught him.


I liked this story, accepting how the swabs should have been done since correctly handled would have given the results the author was after.

What is the statute of limitations

on vandalism and burglary? I must have missed that one on CSI.

@Ambivalence

Thank you for the correction.

I guess it's true about nature and nurture, although I suppose in this case it could be both!

@ Crkpekker ( respectfully )

I stand by what I said in terms of saying that imhapless and Richard Gerald basically took the same story arc (RG's being the original one , in terms of Loving Wives venue ) and the latter took the New York Times measured and nuance rich approach and the former went New York Post . Frankly I read, enjoy and am frustrated by the inherent strengths and weaknesses of BOTH media outlets.

imhapless is not half the wordsmith that RichardGerald is and frankly he doesn't want to be. His strength is nervy , imaginative premises executed in a fairly minimalist style with a subversive current of humor running from start to finish. In this story I thought the downside of his minimal frills approach caught up to him. Another commentator said this read more like a preliminary draft then a story and I agree ( in terms of my taste ).

The narrator apparently worked long hard hours away from domicile on anti-terrorist squad. Wonderful ! I hate terrorists. Tell me a little about this noble calling. That was , unfortunately, it in terms of what imhapless had to say. Richard Gerald had a lot to say about his narrator's career. It gave a real sense and heft of who exactly the main character is. That's unnecessary info for some readers. TMI . Not me. It's a matter of taste.

One reason I understood ( not condoned , there's a difference ) what the children did in each story was the absentee father element . Do you want your kids to have your back ? You gotta put in the time . Trundle the kids to soccer games, volunteer on parents committees, buy post game ice cream for team.

You may well not even like soccer. Doesn't matter. You have to invest the time. There is no substitute in terms of having a 'real ' paternal bond. Richard Gerald's narrator was hurt by kids' betrayal to understand why far more then imhapless's designated alter-ego. Cat's in the Cradle song sang out all too well.


There's more I could say but don't want to overthink things (probably too late for that ) . I think imhapless dashed this story off fairly quickly. His main goal was entertainment and I see that happening for many readers.I wouldn't attach morals to his basic viewpoint. imhapless has many untraditional outcomes to his extensive collection of tales. He pleased himself and his desireable demographic of the week. I'm not one of them ...this time.

Reasonably good revenge story

Sad that the second daughter made the wrong choice. Only logic flaw is that he destroyed photographs, but what about the negatives and/or digital files? Still, a reasonable revenge story.

"Tradimento" vs. "Another Love"

RichardGerald might claim to be the first doing a plot like this and he might be a better "wordsmith" (as others pointed out), but imhapless brought the plot to a believable ending. Reading RGs "Another Love" I felt betrayed (or fooled?) by the author: a long-time betrayal like this can never end in reconcilliation (though one might dispute the level of hatred and revenge in "Tradimento").
I prefer authors who respect their readers, so I rated "Tradimento" with 4* while the last part of "Another Love" got an angry 1* for total disrespect.

@LordSlamdawgg Re: "Cat's in the Cradle"

The difference in both versions to Cat Steven's father in the song is that the father in the song had every opportunity to be a part of his son's life but blew him off.

In these stories the father was off serving his country with little to no choice. In this version there WAS some choice, but his family agreed to his taking the assignments after MUCH discussion, at least partly because they enjoyed the lifestyle these assignments provided!

I made this comment before

and it applies here just as well, slightly paraphrased.

Richard Gerald draws Baroque Ceilings, with every Rubenesque fold of the Fat Chicks labia done in exquisite detail. Unfortunately, when you get the whole picture, it frequently winds up being a Hieronymus Bosch painting: filled with lurid imagery which, alas, sometimes shows Hell but frequently does not reflect reality with the twisted caricatures of people. Sorry, but after Crime and Punishment, On the Lam and particularly 'Another Love', I think this is a fair assessment.

imhapless, dare I say, is less descriptive. Where RG took something like 100 words to describe that Japanese Bitch (Ava?) in Another Love, does anyone know what color hair this woman has? Her sense of fashion? I think RG took two fucking sentences to describe her rain coat!

So if I were being generous, I would put his literary style to a Nagal Drawing. An alluring bitch done in black, white and a few primary colors which gives one the image without going into every pimple, mole and sinew of the model.

Now, it is not wrong to like either or both. I value the word smithery of RG quite a bit. I just wonder at where he let's his art get him to. Frequently very bad places.

Imhapless is a mixed bag. Some good, some bad but it won't take me 16 Lit pages (something like 150 real pages) to get through the story.

IT WASNT CAT atoyllah STEVENS

it was Harry Chapin who sang that song followed by Taxi P1 & P2. TK U MLJ LV NV

Well done

Wordsmithery is overrated. The question is, “Is this tale entertaining, believable and, yes, respectful of the reader?”

Stories that lure one in, promising to deliver one thing, only later, revealing that there was a different agenda, are not entertaining, believable or respectful. This story delivers all three. At this point, no one knows what sort of wordsmith Imhapless is, because he hasn’t chosen to display that. This isn’t about verbal masturbation; it’s about entertainment. If one wishes to display their erudition and mastery of the language, this is rarely the place to do that. There are literary magazines and sites aplenty in which to display writing brilliance. This is an entertainment site, by and large.

Of course, there is that rare masterpiece that brings all that together: entertainment, beautiful prose, captivating word usage, precise pace and plotting. Oshaw and Dreamcloud do that, regularly. This was never intended as that. This is an entertaining story, balancing the scales of cosmic justice. This is the ordinary reaction of ordinary people. It is not an epic poem, drawn in flowery scents to lure the unsuspecting to the ugliness inside; it’s the deliberate reactions of a man who has been betrayed by those closest to him in the most hideous manner possible. It is very well done and captures the essence of its purpose. Everyone goes away satisfied, except, of course, those looking for Shakespeare on an internet erotica site, or those who hate the idea of betrayal having consequences and find this story repugnant to their agenda.

THE LAST SENTENCE IS INCORRECT

if it is to be believed, Why does he continue to beat on the dead horse. TK U MLJ LV NV

Interesting

I wish I had something original to add but I don't. I am glad the "hero" destroyed the offending art work. The issue that bothered me most about the other story was that "hero" did not destroy the offensive painting but allowed it to remain as evidence of his wife's perfidy. Symbols are important.

Good stuff and much needed considering how much drivel has been posted in this section recently.

@blackrandl1958
"Wordsmithery is overrated. The question is, “Is this tale entertaining, believable and, yes, respectful of the reader?”

This, a thousands times this. Far to many on this site equate good writing with good storytelling.

@FD45
I agree for the most part with your comments but Richard Gerald in my mind, has broken the golden rule of lying to his readers regarding the content of his work to many times, with Crime and Punishment being a prime example.

To each his/her own -- Re: Randi's and Jounar's comments

I found Randi's comment about 'wordsmithing being overrated' interesting -- generous even -- from one of the best wordsmiths who has contributed stories to this site. I have read some of her stories to appreciate her craftswomanship despite disliking the things she had her characters doing in these stories.

Authors contribute their stories for no apparent reward other than their interest in writing and seeing their story published. If readers enjoy the story and say so via scores and comments, that is a bonus.

I don't bother reading LW stories any more unless the comments tell me that the wordsmithing is really good. It is rare to find a LW story that has anything to say that hasn't been said just as well by many stories before.

To apply two of Randi's criteria:
Since they say little that is different I don't find them entertaining,
And it is very rare to find a LW story that is believable.

But a well-written one is worth reading.

Lue

@tazz317

Thanks for the correction, I knew better, I just posted too quickly.

Truth is stranger than fiction

and you have highlighted that well in this tale. Many documented cases of men and women living double lives. This appears to be one of them. The ex wife got a modicum of what she deserved, the only guilty party who went unpunished was the photographer, but hopefully he is in one of Dante's seven levels of hell.

Disagree with most, agree with Luedon

i have to disagree with most about wordsmiths being overated. To me, that's like saying "Who cares how well the artist arranged those colors to paint the portrait. He could have just used primary colors and painted the people as sticks. As long as we know what it is, then he is a good artist".

When a writer (such as Girl on the moon) uses words to artfully to transfer emotions, that is a commendable. There is a vast difference between:

"His eyes open when light filters through the windows and rests in stripes against the sheets" and

"He wakes up in the morning"

How artfully a writer chooses his words should not be discarded because a writer with less "wordsmithing" gives the crowd what they want.

@my man

Well, yes, of course words matter, and the way they are used matters. The problem with basing your judgement on art is that you have only considered one medium: paint. If there is no canvas, paint does nothing. You have two mediums in writing, as you do in art: plotting and execution. The execution is the "wordsmithing" part: the actual painting. There has to be a canvas to paint on: a plot. Without that, the skill of the artist means nothing. With that, it means a very great deal.

A bad story, no matter how skillfully written is still a bad story. A good tale, even if told by a merely competent writer, is still a good story. Your "girlinthemoon" analogy is a good one. No one denies that she is a master painter. Unfortunately, for me, at least, many of her stories lack any charm of plot. You may differ, and that's okay, it's a matter of taste.

No one, to my awareness, has shown any lack of skill in "wordsmithing" on the part of Imhapless. His skills were very much up to the task of writing this story. I've never seen any lack of ability in anything he's written. The believability of his plots has always been the problem for me. I believe it was LSD who raised the original question, comparing one writer to another. I think the point is still there, if this story is entertaining to the vast majority of people who read it, why isn't that good? The skill of the author was up to the task of writing the story he wrote. He wasn't trying to write the "Grapes of Wrath."

All my love, your digital wife.

@Kimi

I see your point. Before i address you, i have address something. An aside to imhapless: I wasn't inferring that you were lacking in the word department. if you were, these comments would be filled with people letting you know about it. I did like the story that you told. My comments were addressing the ones discarding authors who tell a different kind of story.

Back to Kimi. I see your point, but i slightly disagree. Using the GITM example, "The guy next door" had a horrible ending. In my opinion, the husband painted in that story left me with a bad taste. However, I know men like him, so his character isn't unbelievable. People judged this author about how the story made them feel. if it made them feel bad, then she is a bad storyteller. If that same story ended with the husband kicking her out instead of having him sitting back hoping and praying that she chose him, then that story would have been considered one of the best. GITM's entire skillset was judged by a few paragraphs.

However, this latest story (or chapter) has skyrocketed her to be considered one of the best again. Her "Wordsmithing" is why she has so many comments telling her about how great she is. Richard Gerard was the same way in the first chapter of his infamous story. Many people gathered around to commend his "wordsmithing". Then, when they didn't get the ending that they wanted, it suddenly wasn't important anymore.

So i guess that is my point. People love the "wordsmithing" until they get an ending that they don't want. Then, it's suddenly overated and unimportant.

Using the painting analogy, if a painter paints a vivid and explicit portrait of the Holocaust, would people say, "This painting is shitty" or would they say, "This is a wonderful painting of a horrible scene"?

The canvas of a story is still a blank paper, just like a painting. It's what is put on that paper, and the arrangements that they are put in, that make it unique. The feelings and emotions that are evoked are the goals. To me, that is what wordsmithing is.

The Test of Time and ' Wordsmithing ' !

I'm not going to equivocate about this . The only people that would say wordsmithing is overated are mouthbreathers, hack writers and journeyman writers ( that's wherre you fit in blackrandl1958. I don't mean to provoke you but your tendency to pander aka ' respect your readers 'for the masses gives your stories empty calorie " Twinkie " quality . Such fun to consume in the present moment but with zero lasting qualities. Just being honest . I hate trolls and admit I'm doing first imitation of one now, but it had to be said. )

. New stories are like pebbles thrown on a still pond. The ones that make ripples long after being submitted are the so-called wordsmiths because their stories have " quality . What is quality ? Err better read " Zen and Motorcycle Maintenance " by Robert Pirsag for that one.

Here is my 6 -10 Top Ten. I'll do top 5 when time allows

10. Matt Moreau ( great hooky intros, fine literary middlegame ( very spotty endgame lit-wise I admit) is a wordsmith . Best stories to attest to this 1) Ego , 2) The Barkeep. Yes he has god-awful clunkers , but that's part of the growth process.

9) FD45 did 1) ' I Stop Losing ' , '2)Enabling', '3)Hooking Jorgundmundr'

8) JPB 1) Orgasms 2) A Slightly Different Marriage 3) Rob and Amy

7) Girlinthemoon 1) Afterglow ( series) 2) Wrong 3) Plain Gold Ring. She deleted her best Loving Wives series years ago unfortunately, take my word for it . Very infuriating and equally addicting in terms of NEED to know the ending even if you probably will disagree vehemently with conclusion.

6) MortonGrange 1) Caroline Alone 2) Gone Away

...to be continued. Does Ohio supplant RichardGerald in the top five ? Feel a migraine coming on like rogue tsunami.

LSD

Matt M at #10 ???? He only had two plots ! Just plug in different names.

A five sure, and yet...

He was an absentee father and husband, and she was a very busy person. He must have known, or suspected something.

He mistreated both his daughters. Both needed a face to face with dad, and a face to face that wasn't conditional. They were victims too.

His misuse of DNA was absurd, and criminally cruel, especially with regard the younger child.

Was Laura entitled to some kind of final face off? I would've preferred it, but not as a means to promote reconciliation. Reconciliation wasn't going to happen.

Last, as I recall in the RG story our protagonist had to sustain significantly more humiliation than here, and certainly did not merit reconciliation.

Jedd Clampett (carvohi)

p.s. I always enjoy what you share.

Okay then

Don't mean to provoke, huh? Hate to see what you'd say if you were meaning to provoke. You think what you think. No skin off my nose.

Dangerous ground, my good LordSD

Anybody game enough to suggest a 'Top Ten' is inviting disaster. Are you limiting your list to LW authors? Because there are others at least as good who avoid LW like the plague.

(eg: OneHitWanda for some reason has all her characters as relatives so her stories are in Incest/Taboo. I read them because she impresses me with her wordsmithery, despite my dislike of the Incest themes.)

And 'Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance' sets an impossible standard for all but the most accomplished. You're asking a bit much there.

In Australia we have a saying "A cup of tea, a Bex and a good lie down." I recommend it, or something like it, for that migraine. ('Bex' was a headache powder 30 years ago, now banned.)

Lue

@ Crkpekker and Luedon

Matt Moreau is probably my shakiest entry, ergo his placement on the top 10 list. Yet I just can't ignore his consistent and courageous theme of forgiveness and endurance for what most of us with iota of testosterone flowing in veins would deem unpardonable is worthy of provoking thought if not agreement. Add " An Unacceptable Situation " to the list. No, its not a template for life but worthy of contemplation? Absolutely.

You're right about his narrowness but Joseph Heller was a made man only because of " Catch 22 " , add Salinger and " Catcher in the Rye " to list of one and ( for all intents ) done. Yes I'm aware of " Franny and Zooey", "Ten Stories " by JDS. Moving on.

Yes Lue , this is list of my fav Loving Wives authors. It's the area I know best , should been more specific. My bad.

Speaking of my bad . I apologize to blackrandl1958 for the alleged skin not taken off your nose . Let's face it though . I'm not in any way in your desired demographic as a reader ...55 years old , white ( hispanic / Austrian but skin tone is the tie breaker ) , have elitist tendencies, c'est le vie morals skewing heavily to savoir faire side .

Your writing star should clearly twinkle far brighter for younger audience . I honestly wishing you luck in professional writing endeavor. Your chasing the dream and own the courage to enter the arena. I could learn from you in that regard.

@Lex1 Re: Wordsmithing

As someone who can definitely improve his wordsmithing, I can see your point, but I think context matters also.

Using your examples:

"His eyes open when light filters through the windows and rests in stripes against the sheets" and

"He wakes up in the morning"

The first could be very useful describing someone waking up after a night of passion, but IMHO, it would be over-blown if your describing just an every day "get up go to work" wake up,

Just my two cents.

@LSD

Apology accepted. I don't mind that you don't care for my writing. The tone was a little... harsh. Not everyone likes the same style of writing. You've got to give me props for editing, though. I help make a lot of the stories you read more "wordsmithy.". I don't like some writers that others on my team think are top shelf. No biggie, no blood, no foul. I'm not bleeding anywhere, let me check, nope. I'm not posting anymore, anyway, except for collaborations with friends and I never posted primarily in LW. I invite you to keep an eye on "Chain Stories" next week. I do have a collaboration with SBrooks going up there that should fit your French philosophies just fine.(shameless plug). Maybe you'll be in the mood for a good twinkie.

Truth told, I am under the impression that most writers and readers here are older white guys. All those here with whom I share a sycophantic relationship are. I guess some older white guys like different things, too. Onward..

A mere spring chicken, my Lord

Only 55? As a 73 year-old LOL (from the days when it meant Little Old Lady), I'm probably not the 'demographic' for many of Randi's stories either, but I still appreciate her ability to create word pictures and there's a couple where I liked the story as well.

And Randi, you say "I am under the impression that most writers and readers here are older white guys."

The biographical notes used to have an age range which I found helpful, and I agree with you that there seemed to be more 'older white guys' involved with the LW part of the Literotica site. Unfortunately, the age range has disappeared from everybody's biog. I have no idea why.

Lue

5

Enjoyable case of treachery and redemption. Very much needed given the flood of cucky trash re: mike and Jen saga.

thx Lue cc spring chicken

and being 55 . But yeah I'm in the gray zone sans coloring touchups at Barbering college. I don't feel 55 per se . But it's a fact I know it when I opt for yoga over weights, buy chicken instead of steak, watch Anne Bancroft as Mrs. Robinsonin " The Graduate " and think she sure is a looker but a bit too impetuous for me. Give her about 7 years to mature , curb back on the drinking, cigarettes and we could have some fun. I get more confused every year.