All Comments on 'Sunburn'

but to find it you need to trim a bit and work out the awkward phrasing. Consider:

"Sun burns down

on tanned flesh

rubbing lotion

with caress

Basking in

the radiant light

sunglasses shield

from the bright."

Sun burns

tanned flesh

rubbing lotion

each caress

basking in

radiant light

sunglasses

shield the bright.

or something like that.

"Trailing beads

run down of sweat

getting hotter

even yet."

run down of sweat -- is awkward, perhaps drop "run down" and leave the line "of sweat" or if you need the syllables go to "of steaming sweat".

Read the poem outloud and listen to what sounds better, more natural to you. I think you have a good poem here, you just need a little more work to find it.

jim : )

a fine basis for the poetry you have waiting. Thanks for sharing. ~ Carrie