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Love Flight

bydreamsweet©
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by Anonymous

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by Tathagata06/07/04

beautiful

Love does indeed conquer all.
: )
Thank you

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by jthserra06/07/04

This one lacked the tightness

that so many of your really good poems possess. The first stanza just felt much too weighty. You might consider some trimming, for example:

"Last night, I flew up there
and felt the pangs of your desire
like the unravelling spiral cord
that touched my heart in possession
of aches and love and gentle laughter."

Last night I flew
felt the pang of your desire
like unravelling spiral cord -- 'love this image'
touching my heart with aches,
love and gentle laughter.


something like that. I think if you ran through the whole poem and trimmed the excess, this poem will emerge that much stronger. See what you think. This is a good poem that with a little more snipping can really shine. Nice work...

jim : )

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