I like the realistic dialogue and "feel" of the story. You've got some grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors to deal with but overall it's not bad at all. Decent character development, though it would be helpful to know more about the "players" as the story progresses.
I'm interested in where the story might be headed, but I am content to just sit back and enjoy the show... for now. Just don't forget that too much exposition can lead a story astray. As an introduction to the story and its characters, you've done fine here.
I will keep a sharp eye out for the second chapter. Just remember to work on those technical errors.
by
Anonymous06/12/04
Uhm?
A pretty good start, but where's the rest of it? You've got me interested, now finish it, please.
by
Anonymous06/12/04
Emotional Tirades
You've captured well the emotional tirades of a hormonally charged teenaged male, not to mention the seemingly constant barrage of his sisters teasings.
I'm looking forward to seeing if you can capture the emotions involved when events lead to more intimate encounters.
Very good dialogue, and the insights of the protagonist as well as the other characters through there statements is pretty good. As they say in France, more!
so far so good. will be interesting to see where you take the story from here. obviously it will continue on the incest line but will it also become a nonconsent/reluctance storyline or will the girls give it up willingly. however you continue it i hope to read it soon.
Plot is totally unoriginal but what the hell.Billy Shakespeare pinched all his plots from others. Good story, well set up characters, spoilt just a tad because it has not been proof read too well.
The setup is absolutely essencial if I'm to follow the authors train of thought. Yeah it usually doesn't get the "red" votes, but BFD. It tells me about the PEOPLE and their personalities and thought processes. It builds the action and sets the mood. This one accomplished all of that. I am now prepared to be tittilated...
How can I say this I just started reading and I'm all most done with the story. I made an account just to favorite this story, so yeah hope that shows how much I like this story.
Ok, had to pause and jump to the end for a quick comment! What kind of pussy acts like a 9 year old when his sister kisses him?! At 18? Really??
Im sure ill love the story, lots of chapters and hey, lots of sisters! How can that go wrong?? ;)
by
Anonymous10/24/14
Freudian Slip?
On page one there was a sentence that was a little confusing at the beginning............... " The reason Josh lived with four OTHER women was that his father had......." Was this a Freudian slip to highlight a possible gender identity crisis on the part of Josh?
English
So far, so good....
I like the realistic dialogue and "feel" of the story. You've got some grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors to deal with but overall it's not bad at all. Decent character development, though it would be helpful to know more about the "players" as the story progresses.
I'm interested in where the story might be headed, but I am content to just sit back and enjoy the show... for now. Just don't forget that too much exposition can lead a story astray. As an introduction to the story and its characters, you've done fine here.
I will keep a sharp eye out for the second chapter. Just remember to work on those technical errors.
Uhm?
A pretty good start, but where's the rest of it? You've got me interested, now finish it, please.
Emotional Tirades
You've captured well the emotional tirades of a hormonally charged teenaged male, not to mention the seemingly constant barrage of his sisters teasings.
I'm looking forward to seeing if you can capture the emotions involved when events lead to more intimate encounters.
Excellent build-up
Very good dialogue, and the insights of the protagonist as well as the other characters through there statements is pretty good. As they say in France, more!
good start
so far so good. will be interesting to see where you take the story from here. obviously it will continue on the incest line but will it also become a nonconsent/reluctance storyline or will the girls give it up willingly. however you continue it i hope to read it soon.
3 to 1 on
Plot is totally unoriginal but what the hell.Billy Shakespeare pinched all his plots from others. Good story, well set up characters, spoilt just a tad because it has not been proof read too well.
Good Start to what looks like an exciting story
This has the potential to get really good. Please keep up the good work.
Like I said before
The setup is absolutely essencial if I'm to follow the authors train of thought. Yeah it usually doesn't get the "red" votes, but BFD. It tells me about the PEOPLE and their personalities and thought processes. It builds the action and sets the mood. This one accomplished all of that. I am now prepared to be tittilated...
Almost done
How can I say this I just started reading and I'm all most done with the story. I made an account just to favorite this story, so yeah hope that shows how much I like this story.
I just finished reading this page. Now I am going to the next Chapter and will read that one.
Ok maybe I get a cup of coffee first ... Hm, I wonder why I post this useless comment ? .. Ah it doesn't matter.
Ok, had to pause and jump to the end for a quick comment! What kind of pussy acts like a 9 year old when his sister kisses him?! At 18? Really??
Im sure ill love the story, lots of chapters and hey, lots of sisters! How can that go wrong?? ;)
Freudian Slip?
On page one there was a sentence that was a little confusing at the beginning............... " The reason Josh lived with four OTHER women was that his father had......." Was this a Freudian slip to highlight a possible gender identity crisis on the part of Josh?
My Three Sisters - and Mom
Similar circumstance, same number of sisters, and even reuses two of the same names.
Dates
Re the above comment by Infinite Wotsit. What you did not obseve is that Vertigo J's was the first of the two stories published - not the second!!!
slow start
move onin
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