All Comments on 'His Name Was Jack'

I liked the idea of the story, but the characters seemed too detached and the transition from starting to date for real and getting married and adopting the kids too rushed. Not up to your usual standards. I gave it a 4

As usual I’m writing these as I go, so some comments may be over-taken by future events.

“she justified it by saying that anything could happen between now and the day they got married and she needed to have backup resources.” – Okay, I’ll grudgingly accept that, but once she DOES get married, why not give him her half of the assets back?

"Henry, please don't doubt that I still love you and wish things had turned out differently." – Since SHE’S the one who decided how things turned out, that rings kind of hollow! If she DOES still love him and craves sex with him, here’s an idea; divorce the new guy, take half of his money (probably can’t – pre-nup) and go back to Henry!

“He seemed relieved at that answer, which I couldn't entirely understand but didn't give it much thought.” – Yeah, you’d think he’d be hoping that she might have expressed some regret or something. I was wondering back when he hesitated in responding to the “wife cheating and being rewarded” comment, and now, that maybe HE’S the one who cheated? - Looks like I was right!

He should have told Jack from the beginning, before agreeing to go to the benefit dinner.

“In neither case did she even look in my direction.” – LOL, she’s jealous! She has no right to be. First of all, despite her obvious (at least to us!) intentions she and Henry aren’t dating, and CERTAINLY aren’t exclusive, second, she has no idea what went on with Linda.

"And that's why you started ignoring me?" – So what if he WAS screwing Linda?

Supposedly Henry’s just a fake boyfriend for special events and to keep the office pussy hounds at bay, so who he sees isn’t any of her business!

I’m not sure, but I believe less than a year has gone by, but Jasmine was 5 at the start, and a five-year-old is going to remember her Daddy.

The twisted side of me wanted him to hook Linda up with Jack!

I kept wondering why this guy would start falling for a cheater. Remember the basic LW rule, 'once a cheater always a cheater'. Use her maybe but develop feelings...never. I figured the author would try and rationalize the reasons for her cheating so they could be together. So I was expecting some kind of twist so they could get together. When Jack confessed that he was the cheater, I was kinda expecting something like that to absolve her. I do admit that this was the only way that he could really develop feelings for this woman - that she was not a cheater. The wrap up of Jack leaving for good was a little too neat. How could any man just give up his kids like that. Buy anyhow thanks for a good story.

I like the way your characters think and act. This was another good one...5 stars, of course!

I think the story is good, but I find some topics to comment:

As another reader says, Julie has no reason to be jealous (at least not as jealous, since she has not declared her love to Henry and he has not told her that he loves her).

I did not like the behavior of Jack, he has defamed his ex-wife and then he has fled leaving his children abandoned, despite having confessed to Henry his intentions. What kind of father is he? Are you seeing your children every 2 weeks, paying your pension and now leaving them because Julie has married Henry?

I think this part of the story would have been better if Jack had disappeared by accident or illness, would have been more honorable for him.

Anyway, this is my simple opinion, not a negative review, so I give you 5 * for your story.

I apologize for my English (yet), is not my native language.

Another interesting and well-written story from you. It all seemed believable and perhaps a bit predictable, particularly as the 'I like her but she's a cheater' thing was overemphasized.

Btw, I was sorry to see you join the long list of LW authors who think that 'discrete' means 'discreet'. It certainly does not.

The Story is smooth enough. Jack's lie tied our hero up in knots, but once he admitted to it, it was clear sailing. I thought it strange that some of my colleagues would feel that Julie had no right to be jealous and to decide to desist, I would have no doubts about having the same reaction since she had no need or right to fight for him.

Personally I think it's your story and no one should dictate how you write it and what you want to happen. This was a good read. Keep on keeping on.

I agree with some of the readers julie had no claims on henry and had no right to be pissed about who he was seeing, was none of her business.Also, a spell check would help too as you had a few errors and wrong use of words, but in all it was still a good read.

Only one observation. Not sure the ex wife would really have re-entered his life the way she did. In real life, she would have found another bit on the side, despite the risk.

I find this comment confusing: "I thought it strange that some of my colleagues would feel that Julie had no right to be jealous and to decide to desist, I would have no doubts about having the same reaction since she had no need or right to fight for him."

I THINK you are saying that Julie DID have a right to be jealous, and I don't see how; they weren't "really" dating, and even if they were, they had no agreement to be exclusive, which would be the only way she could be jealous of him being with Julie.

Well done short story with nice foreshadowing that sets up the plot. Everyone misinterprets the actions of others so that the ending unfold lovingly and as the reader(me) was hoping for.

Thanks for sharing your efforts with us.

The last phrase should have read:

"which would be the only way she could be jealous of him being with LINDA."

Left her broke after Walter found her in bed with the gardener. She finally had to get a job.

Well, what I like was the unexpected twist of Jack actually being the cheater. But that's pretty much it, unfortunately. I don't really know more about Jack than that he is short on cash and cheated is wife multiple times...and he still loves her? I'd like to know more. The relationship between Henry and Jack isn't developed at all for the reader. Henry himself seems immature, and flip-flops constantly about being together with Julie and staying faithful to Jack - one moment he worries, the next he doesn't seem to care at all. Is he really conflicted?

I didn't get to know Jack's kids and their relationships with the others at all and have to say that I think children hardly work like they do in this story. To be honest, all the characters seem unrealistic to me, not only because they are so underdeveloped.

The pacing of the story felt weird. Everything happens in such quick succession and there are so many leaps in time...it just didn't feel right to me.

Hopefully I am not discouraging anyone with this. Instead, I hope this helps others to improve as a writer. Good luck with the next one!

- RP

Forget about the nitpicking assholes. Sometimes less is more this one of those cases.

Interesting twist on an old storyline. Held my attention and was enjoyable. I liked that it was edited well with few reading errors. BK

I liked it enough to give it 4*s.

Nice and well written

I simply can't see him betraying Jack like that. I can't imagine Jack leaving his daughter behind. This was a reversal of an earlier story you wrote - "Betrayal". In that one, the husband is betrayed and leaves his cheating ex-wife behind and that included his daughter when she chose to live with her Mother and her lover/ his ex-best friend. You caught a lot of grief from commentators about that character abandoning his daughter. Yet in this story, Jack abandons his daughter. The circumstances are different, but the actions remain the same. Once again, I find myself liking your writing capabilities, but hating the ending. Once again, this ending didn't fit the characters personalities. I just found it to be implausible for Jack to walk away from his kids. Nice try - bad ending. And this is the 3rd time you've put a horrible ending to a story. Pretty soon you will become unreadable.

Good characters with realistic reactions. A nice twist for Jack to be the cheater. Admittedly, I'm an easy grader, but 5* for a pleasant read about some interesting people.

rj

I really lie the ending where Jack did the right thing by his kids even if he knew he couldn't.

Seemed very believable. Keep writing.

Great one. Thanks

Really liked it! Thanks

OldMarineVet - Ron Wood

But forgot the ending [wipes tear from eye]

And well written/edited, as usual (though not always). As far as I could tell,no holes in logic, which often doesn't necessarily get corrected in editing (which I think of as checking Grammer, spelling, syntax, etc.).

Bravo.

5-stars

Nice

Would have been better if Jack had come done with aggressive cancer and had died instead of abandoning his family. Would have been more of an emotional ending.

Even if Jack was an asshole. Jack fucked his life and his family over, but at least he tried at the end to make it better for them at his own expense.

I didn't feel like there were any loose threads on this one, which I often feel with some of your others. Not this time.

Of being a divorced father. Let me tell you straight, you can't be a father without living with your kids. Oh, you can have visitations rights, and try to be part of their lives, and even try to be a role model; but it won't work. You lose the right to make decisions for your children, you lose the right to discipline them, you also get an enormous amount of suffering because your children don't need you for more than a paycheck and have a step-dad. I don't blame people who can't stand to be with their children. It's just too much suffering.

I thought Julie needed a date because everyone was bringing their "significant others," yet the pussy-hounds didn't have significant others, so ALSO needed dates?

"I didn't think you were the kind of guy that would use a woman for your own needs." - HE'S been using HER?!

"I just didn't think you were that kind of person and it upset me." - Again, supposedly he's just a "fake" boyfriend, why is she acting like he really IS her boyfriend? I mean, it's already obvious that she WANTS him to be, but ALL of their "dates" have been HER asking HIM to be her platonic escort, they have NO commitment to each other.

I know it's unrealistic, but I wish that in a few years Jack could be reintroduced as an old family friend, "Uncle" Jack.

I always, no, usually, enjoy a story with an unusual main plot. It means a person either has some strange dreams or thinks outside the box. Your story strikes personal with me and I enjoyed the characters and story line. Thank you for sharing.

And I enjoyed it very much. I was about half expecting Jack to hook up with Henry’s ex wife. That would have been a little bit of karma, two cheaters hooking up. Anyway, thanks for the story.

I figured where it was going early.

Jack though is a POS. I was okay with Jack until the end. No real man or father would give up his kids. Never ever. I get he made a mistake and was an ass. People do that all the time. He cheated and got caught. Yeah a douche. Still he was a man until he packed up and left his kids. Only a POS would do that. Then makes like he'll send child support if they need it, but he'd rather not.

Took a measly few sentences for him to be truly an utter slime.

Critique-

Overall good flow. An edit or two for wording could truly tighten it up. The story flows well enough that any misspellings I didn't catch. Only a few oddlu worded sentences.

Slow and sweet in the best of ways.

...imaginative, with mostly pretty good english.

Thanks!

Good bittersweet story of screwing up and redemption, I liked the end where he simply put his mistakes out there and faded out. Well written.

Gotta admit - I didn't see this story going the way it did. And it was well written. Thank you very much!

Another great story. I guessed the cheating issue and reasoning but was intrigued with finishing the story. A 5star job Again.

I'm old enough to know that few of us come close to perfection. Jack was probably more flawed than most.

This was a well written story with the characters well drawn. The touching part of it, for me, was Jack's realization of what a mess he'd made of his life and the decision he made to give his kids and his former wife a chance for a future he was unable to give them himself.

Of course that was his tragedy as well.

Great story and told really well. It's very easy to pull for the heroes. Jacks redemption at the end was very surprising and authentic. A follow up story on him would be very welcomed. Kudos

I appreciate a happy ending. That’s what BG33 provided. BTW: to Mormon Jack, there was no reconciliation because those characters were not previously married. This story is in the romance category, not loving wives. Nicely done! Four stars ⭐️ for this one.

...:tremendous story. BG33 is in the rare category of “storyteller”! Thank you for this beautiful story of love and redemption. Five stars ⭐️ for this one.

He made sure his children were looked after and he owned his mistake. I still think Jack is wrong to leave but he didn't just cut and run. He isn't quite as loathsome as the parents who ran away in similar type stories.

Leaving for a better job and life makes sense. But those children deserved to have him in their lives regardless.

Very good story.

Nice story.

Good story, but a strange title.

Several of you missed the part where the main character asked Jack if he was going to do something stupid and Jack just brushed the question off and the main character wished he had made an overblown denial. He didn't go to Seattle he ended up in a morgue somewhere.

The MC is a selfish prick.

The subject came up 3 years ago about Jack ducking out of their lives. I had thoughts about that subject as I read the story. I realize this is fiction but the issue is real.

Any one who chooses to be a parent has to be ready to accept the responsibilities that go with it. No, it isn't always easy but even those too young to remember deserves the truth about where they came from and will wonder. As the father of an adopted daughter and foster parent to 2 boys (now all in their 30's) I have seen them question their heritage. Both boys have always wondered about their fathers and I believe it did keep them from their full potential. I have been there as best I could, also with the other one. My daughter has been around her birth mother and grandparents but all three have had questions about birth fathers that we couldn't answer. I was fortunate to have my parents around as I developed and hope I never took them for granted.

Sorry, this got longer than I planned. Oh yeah, I did enjoy the story and I thank BG33 - 5 stars!

somewhere east of Omaha

What a great tale, Jack and Julia both deserved to be happy and I glad the story ended up with them together, Jack did the right thing by letting Henry adopt his kids. Good storyline and it was well written. Well done 5++stars

Brilliant story line and writing. Thanks BG33

Unique scenario. Can't remember reading another with similar plot. 5*

Nice story worth at least 4 stars, others of your have moved me more.

I always enjoy a good story, this is a great example. My second time through, thanks BG!

somewhere east of Omaha

Nothing here not to like.

Interesting take on the ex-wives.

Although I envy the wronged partner in a bunch of these stories it seems like there’s always a convenient new partner Just around the corner.

Bill S.

While I do see the thought behind Jack evaporating from their lives, the kids may want or need to know their birth father. I say this as a father of an adopted daughter but also a former foster father of other children. I realize that this is fiction but feel it is an important point.

Regardless, this is a very good tale that I've read multiple times. Thanks BG.

somewhere east of Omaha

Different and very good.

Thank you

Good story. Enjoyed the read. Still bothered by Jack’s last act of totally letting go. I understand it was for his kids future; but was it for his as well?!?! …probably so. But, he WILL minus’s them so, so much. Don’t know if that is the best way to do things. Maybe his fresh start will not make him such a fuck up?!?! Time will tell. Thank-you for this story with further thought.

You know what? WE get many comments about "cheating bitches" but the male of the cheating species mirrors life and excuses are made. Many will probably see Jack as somewhat noble in the end after his cheating and lies but what went before is just as tarnishing to the man as the woman.

That said, another enjoyable story from Big Guy, thank you.

Decent story.

TRAILER PARK TRASH

Its nice to see anon come out as TRAILER PARK TRASH but fail to see why he/she chose this platform to do it. Thanks for a change from the regular fare that we read here BG. Read it a few times, always enjoyed - 5 stars.

somewhere east of Omaha

A novel ‘feel good’ plot which I enjoyed. 5 stars and thanks for sharing.

Very nice story... feels real for the most part so well written. People are flawed ... a dichotomy of good and bad to varying degrees... thiiiis was will dove with the Jack character though the MC cane off a bit too perfect, at least it wasn't over the top.

In the end though, abandoning your children is wrong. It's a story so let's leave alone where he thought he was doing it for their benefit it his. In the end barring extreme circumstances like involvement in dangerous activities like drugs or violence... being there for your children I'd better than not... especially when they are old enough to know you left.

The first six paragraphs are so jumbled up, it feels like a deliberate crossword challenge to figure out who's up and who's paying!

So, the good cheater (Jack), does the right thing and loses everything, but the bad cheaters (His ex AND the mayor) get away with no payback. Ughh!

Very poignant work!

5

IT took me to the second page when I realised Jack was the cheater. Different. 4

BigCUCK33 just another trailer park trash story

Good job

A wonderful story, you write fantastically

Your story here would have been much better if you had woven Linda into Jack's life. She tired of the rich guy, began fucking Jack, fell in love, and they moved to Seattle together. That would have push this piece from a 3 to a 5.

Decent story , well told .

I agree with others that Linda could have played a bigger part . Perhaps she could have been caught cheating and kicked to the curb ?

Nonetheless , I enjoyed your effort ,thanks for posting .

DK . 4 *

Even th3 deeply thawed sometimes display honor. 5.

Damn. Too bad it isn't possible to edit our comments. Or at least delete then repost them corrected. As in mine below, to this:

Even the deeply flawed sometimes display honor. 5.

Seems to spend more time in the workshop,than his supposed place of work.

Good story!! Turns out that everyone, except MC’s ex, are decent people so no need to burn anyone!!

this by far is one of your best its now on my favorite list thanks

This was a great story and I gave it five stars. I loved how the really selfish one, Linda, was alone with her rich but impotent husband and looking to fuck another man because he could not satisfy her. She propositioned Henry but he turned her down. Jack gave his blessing to Henry dating Julie and they became a family together while Jack moved to Seattle and to a better job. Great story!!!!