I Love You Mommy

So hot

Love how Larissa opens up to her desires, especially putting on mommy's panties

102...

That's how many times you used the name Larissa in this 6 page long crap fest. And 21 times it was used at the start of a paragraph. You lost me completely when "Mommy" and (I forget whatever the main character's name is) finally start their realization for one another.

Letting a shower run for 5 minutes before entering is extremely wasteful behavior that should not encouraged. Likewise, sleeping underwear are usually fine reequip after a shower to wear for the rest of the day as long as they haven't been worn for like a week.

Moreover, the story is far too short, and none of the characters are well-established. Who are these people? Why should I care about them? Why does the mother want to get sexy with the daughter? Where did the friend go?

Negative comments

This appears 2 be your 1st try at writing...KEEP AT IT; don't be discouraged by negative feedback that doesn't help you get better! My first batch of submissions was TERRIBLE!; before long I got better and you will too!

A very good start!

Keep at it, let the story develop! I hope you'll write more of this story! Thank you!

A good start on your story.

I liked the story as it went. Questions are, how did Larissa get from totally shocked, at seeing her mom fantasize about being fucked by her daughter to totally turned on by it? What happened to her friend, and wouldn't Larissa confide in her best friend about the taboo scene that she has witnessed? I think you missed some story and character development opportunities that would make the story better. Keep at it... practice makes perfect.

my bi family also.i understand.

my good wife is bi.she talked to me&said its time she taught our young daughter bi.we were in bed&my wife said don't be shocked tonight is the time..our daughter came into our bedroom naked.my wife said get up here on the bed I will show you what to do.our daughter really went for it.my wife is highly sexed.they went wild I never heard such yelling&moaning&groaning.our daughter sleeps with us now.they go at it every night.i don't watch tv anymore.

Please do not say so and so did something sexily!

That adverb is overused. Please try out others such as provacatively, seductively, suggestively, or numerous others. That word throws me completely out of enjoying a story. I have seen that word repeated adnauseum. One story had the word appear every few sentences. I finally stopped trying to read it.

The story has a few issues, but it is very well done for a newer writer. You did overuse the name of the character, but that is common. It is also an easy fix. A little more character development will also help flesh things out for your readers. The dirty talk was a nice touch.

Keep writing and before long you will be a favorite of many readers.