All Comments on 'Lunch at Your Place'

That was beautiful.

amazing.

excellent continue

You really should learn to write a story as if you are a person in the story, you are narrating the story instead of telling it.

If your not following this is what I mean.

I rang the door bell at my daughter Ann's house, I was hoping to take her somewhere for lunch. Little did I know that she had something else for lunch on her mind. I waited for her to answer the door.

Inside Ann looked through the peep hole and saw her father standing outside her door, and he was alone.

There really is a difference in how your story is told and flows. I like your story, but hated reading it in the third party. write more, and your writing will evolve more over how to write as the characters in your story; instead of the narrator. I hope you read this and didn't just delete it.