All Comments on 'Lusty Busty Sis'

by chuchipuchi

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  • 90 Comments
marty2sonsmarty2sonsover 19 years ago
too short

It would be a lot better if you got your time and been a little bit more descriptive.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Sorry, but this story SUCKED BIGTIME!

You obviously didn't take much time putting this story together. It was like a details of a wet dream you hastily wrote down as it was fading away, while the cum dried in your underwear.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
worst all time story

This is undoubtedly the worst erotic story i've ever read. Their was no flow to it at all. It was robotic.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
wow, bad

wow, that was bad. put more effort into it

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
that sucked ass.

you get 25% for a hot idea, execution was not very good.

Rewirite it, spin it out, make it flow, some hard tense romance before they finally do the deed.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
worst ... story.. of... all... time...............

wow. is english your 2nt language

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
it is an excellent story

It is a good story, very good,straight to the point.We are not in here to read novels by Dostovesky or Arthur Miller.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
was this personal experience?

As George sucked she began to unbuckle my shorts and pull off his shirt.

Am I missing something or was point of view switched from third person to first person then back to third person?

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
oh pleaseeeeee

the style of prose is horrible!!!!

its so bloody stupid..that you would have more fun reading the bible.

suggest that the author should read ummmmm maybe...the newspaper. would know how to build a goddamn story.

cheers mate.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
crap

lame ass crap

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Needs a lot of work

I've never left a comment on a story before, but this was so awful I simply couldn't let it pass. There are, I believe, various places to get help with story skills. Please avail yourself of them.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
no clue

your bio has several "no answers." can i add...no clue! no idea of how to work out a theme and develop a story. no idea about constrcting a complete sentence. no idea about about proper whether you are writing in first or second person. maybe you were looking for a sense of detachment in your story. may i suggest you permanently detach yourself from your typewriter or computer and never again unleash your dogs of war on an unsuspecting world of reader.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Pardon?

How the fuck did this get past the editors? There is barely any punctuation to be found in this story, nary a quotation mark or capital letter. I would expect better from somebody able to use "lascivious" in a story correctly.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Sorry

Don't quit your day job.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
very hot

don't listen those assholes they don't knpow shit this story was hot and very good

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Contradicting Yourself

OK in the first past of the story you said George is 9 inches but half way down when Nicole in on his lap, you say "He was only 8 inches but she made it seem like 12 with her reaction."

so which is it, 9 inches or 8 inches.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Both hands on the keyboard, please!

Were you jerking off and writing this at the same time? I mean look at the noises you describe. It's like gibberish! It's nothing but fantasy spurred by an animalistic lust for one's sister. Do the world a favor, reach forward, turn off your computer, go outside, and GET LAID! You seem to suck at everything else, writing included....

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
hehe

pretty frigging funny. thank you

AnonymousAnonymousabout 19 years ago
Piss poor story

This is a poor excuse for a story and written like a 3rd grader! Doesn't anyone read stories to see if they merit including on literotica?

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 19 years ago
Shrink

During Sex or in anticipation of it, the cock is supposed to grow and not shrink (from 9 to 8). Now, talking about shrink, I think you need to consult one .....

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 19 years ago
your story sucks

how many other stories did you read to make up your story?i can't believe they put your sorry ass story in here.besides what others have already said,why would you apoligise for getting cum on her? what an asshole.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 19 years ago
Just like a SOAP OPERA!!

Hey, I liked it just fine! The way you wrote your story here, I was able to speed read it and read about every third word and still got the whole story! Wow! Just like a SOAP OPERA -- you can miss a bunch of it, and still didn't really miss a thing! And about that dick going from 9 inches back to 8 inches, mine does that too when the first fuck was so much better than the second one!! Ha! Write some more! HURRY!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 19 years ago
Sucka

What kind of a story is this? Where did you learn to - ARGH! I can't even fucking go on! You're a disgrace and embarrassment to the sex world! If you have any decency, go take an erotica remedial course and back to first grade. Learn how to spell! Lascivious, my ass!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 19 years ago
What the hell

This story sucked. Its just a random stream of consciousness with no thought behind it.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
awful

this was worst story I have ever read...It sucked

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
o please!!!

Don't write any more stories or at least improve your English before you do. Purile crap. Juice started oozing out of her panty???? what the fuck is wrong with her.Is she a fruit? Sounds as if she needs incontinent pads - hope he had boots on!

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
What the hell?

I'm confused isnt this supposed to be a erotica site? That was just straight up a story that some horny 3rd grader would write, no thought so sensuality, and most of all NO romance. Siblings that have sex have a romance that is uncomparable. It sucked hard like your 9 then back to 8 inch cock.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
What the hell

Ok m just going to come out and say it. What the hell was that are you like two years old there was no dialog and it was just stupid. I hated it it has to be the stpuidest story on this entire site it wasnt erotic and it didnt get me going. You must be a virgin the way you descibed the sex espically the noices they were so lame.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
......

It sucked. Enough said.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
WoW this sucked

If this was a horse I'd take it out and shoot it

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
In short....

Superfluous bits of nonsense.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
Ordinary

Learn to spell.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
erm more effort!

Constructive critcism re-write with more description and express the sex scenes better. Watch your grammer and spelling and check the size of the cock and keep it the same.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
Fantastic!!

This story had me climaxing in no time. Never before have I read anything so raw, so unbridled, so passionate, so HOT! Keep up the great work and keep writing!! Thanks

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
what a load of shit

another 12 yo fantasy

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
wtf!

........this was not cool.....you deserve to die for this.

TheLastDomTheLastDomalmost 18 years ago
THIS WAS JUST WRONG

I don't think that I have read a worse story on this site. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't write another story. It just means that you should include more details and proof reading to your work. Ihope that you write this story over and correct it. I do believe that it could be a good story but it has a long way to go.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
Lusty Busty Sis Review

One of the poorest stories I ever read. You could have done much better in spelling your words considering the tools that are available for your use. You must have quit school after the 4th grade. No plot. Just another boring story written with no imagination.

AnonymousAnonymousover 17 years ago
.....

theres no way that your old enough to be on this site if your posting a story like that....just horrible

AnonymousAnonymousover 17 years ago
Underage Crap!

As already stated by other reviewers, this garbage is obviously "written" by some retarded 14yo boy.

Perhaps one of the Literotica moderators can find a way of removing this type of stuff from the site?

ortsmaortsmaover 17 years ago
Know your cups

I wish the writers on this site would (some of them anyway) get a clue. "C" cup tits are not "really big tits". While "more than a mouthful" they are not "more than a handful". One would only consider them "really big" in comparison to a runway model. And as to the "voluptuous", it's not really a single body part word. One would be better off using the word in reference to a woman's figure 'in toto'

In direct responce to this story: not bad, Defenitly worth a re-read but not on "my favorites list either. I've read worse.

AnonymousAnonymousover 17 years ago
evry one knows abt this crap

This is a stupid story..... plz stop writing this crap u r nothing but a bull shit hello moderators of the literotica plz stop this person from writing

AnonymousAnonymousover 17 years ago
go back to school

although the storyline has possibilities if put into the hands of a more experineced writer,you are just unable to pull it off,inconsistencies from a 9" member that could rip any pussy apart-to one that was 8" but looked like twelve,please do the world a service and go learn something before you try again

AnonymousAnonymousover 17 years ago
My Feedback - Seriously

Yeah... 1st off, dont comment your own stories giving them 100% and giving reviews as if it was a story to rival an award winning novel, when everyone who has seen it wants to gouge out they'r eyes, and whats with this "unbuckle my shorts and pull off his shirt." crap? switching to as if this happened to you? did it? wtf? If it did, make it as if it did, if not, keep it in fiction form and not doing crap like that, as well as the fact it looks as if your fapping off while writing this, "Ummm Umm ohhhOjhh spuchsk pucsujk," the hell is this shit? did i misread and they are cave men making love? Unga Bunga eh? And how on earth did he go from "well endowed with a 9-inch tool, ready to rip open any pussy." to a "8 inches but she made it seem like 12" Does she need glasses and couldnt tell or something? Or did he have it reduced by the night before to then? As well as the fact sister and brother dont so casually say things like "if you are so interested in looking at my breasts, just ask me and I will let you pump them." From the looks of your plot im surprised he didnt attack her that moment, here is the line you'd likely use! "He then said i will pump them now and jumped ontop of her grabing her and pumping her on the floor"... shocking... It usually starts off with the brother or sister accidently walking in on the other naked/masturbating or something, as well as maybe one of them having sexual thoughts of the other, not just both of them going at it like a horny boyfriend and girlfriend or some crap like that,and each scene was way to direct and undetailed, she just jumped on him and started at him for crying out loud! and in the 2nd scene he got to cumming by the 2nd... "paragraph" into it, and strangely it seemed as thought George here couldnt make up his mind, at the start it was as if he had just noticed she become very beautiful and sexual, then to being shocked by it all at one point, and even thinking about her that way for a long time? this is utter madness, I could go on and on about this lashing of our english literature, and the fact anyone who comments positively about this should be sodomized with a barbed fence post. "Oh sorry i cummed on you" wonderful... brilliant ending, just when your thinking... how could this get any worse? Flat out HORRIBLE!... i truely hope this was a childish joke to get negative reactions by people, then again, the fake positive ones suggest your a 13 year old loser trying to defend himself... ok, yeah, i could go on, but im getting bored... so i leave you with this!

pwnt n00b!

AnonymousAnonymousover 17 years ago
not good

The story was poorly written and rushed into things way to fast. My guess is you are just some young horny teenager that still has a lot to learn. So don't bother posting any more stories on here and if you do, read through some of the other stories to know what you are doing wrong.

AnonymousAnonymousover 17 years ago
Yuk!!!

I have never read a story that has sucked so much in my life. You rushed into everything way too fast, the dialoge was complete crap, and there are some measurement inconsistancies.

Please dont write anything this vile ever again. Or if you do, please dont post it here.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 17 years ago
Quick and to the point!

It's not really a story, it's a short story, for people who haven't got time to sit there and read through pages and pages just to get to the good sex part. And I find it highly immature for 'adults' to be calling this a piece written by an underage person, based on it being so short and to the point. You should never just ASSUME things. *Sigh* immature and uneducated people who sit on a computer half their life reading through pages and pages of crap... This story is what they should all be like in my view!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 17 years ago
Go back and try again

Ok this story was way too rushed; there was no build up, no playing hard to get by the sister. Please I beg of you take this story back to the drawing board and try again but do a better job of it.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
It was a long story told short

It's like you were telling some buddies about a night of sex that you had, but not in full detail. Like you were saying - "Here's what happened, but to make a long story short..."

Where were the quotations for each character to speak? It was too plain and the grammar wasn't all the great either. There were far too many short sentences to give me a chance to get into the story. Nothing about it moved along easily or made me more and more interested. I got bored.

Good luck with any more work.

----

Qpdoll

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
worst I've read

Some 8th grade boy must have written thhis. Go back to reading comic books, and smelling your sisters panties.

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
WORST. ENDING. EVER.

"He apologized for this cum incident and they washed up."

I read this story high and it was the only way to enjoy it...just for the laughter. Kind of like when you listen to Tim McCarver calling a game. I assure you not one drop of cum came out.

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
Go back to school !!!!!!!!!!!!

If English is not your first language (3rd or 4th I assume),

then maybe you can excused for the terrible grammar contained

in this story. If, however, English is your first language then you had better get your ass back in English class and start paying even a small amount of attention to what your grade 5 teacher is saying. Also, try proof reading the crap you write before you submit it to a high-class literary institution such as this! Sheesh!

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
Not very good...

I think it should be re-written, more detail and such. It just didn't feel like an incest story, basically you just took two random strangers and called them brother and sister. Plus, it should be more accurate, ie, she resists him, ie, more emotional and such (Well, the way I see the incest story is the fact it would be more emotional on the characters). Atleast, I find the incest fantasy (although I wouldn't commit it with someone blood-related to me) quite arousing and "cute", but this wasn't.

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
Ha HA HA!

That story sucked so much I laughed the whole way through. Please take my advice. Never. Write. Another. Story. Ever. Again. By the way I never laugh.

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago

It was unpassionate sex by the numbers. No passion or finesse........

AnonymousAnonymousabout 16 years ago
Story seemed

It seemed as though it was my sister and you having sex. I always wanted to see my sister getting done.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 16 years ago
a little word of advice (not hurtful)

i didnt finish reading your story.

it seemed to have some positive areas but you are too blunt.

as i was once told you need to "explode the moment"

give more dialouge between the two characters leading up to the encounter

and giving a sense of taboo that the two characters mention

i really hope that you rewrite this story with a few edits

dont listen to anyone that is trying to silence your writing, only mind those who mean to give helpful criticism

like me =)

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 16 years ago
I love Busty sisters

You took a great Idea and killed it there was no desription no action no seduction no foreplay nothing. The only good thing about it, is that is was so short that it only wasted about a minute of my time...

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 16 years ago
What the Fuck!

Worst Fucking story ever!!!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 16 years ago
good but bad

good, it left me fucking my brother we are the same age as in the storie! bad, keep your info strait! is his wedding tackle 9 inches or 8 ?

jthardyjthardyover 15 years ago
Stop

If you tell your readers he has a 9" tool at the beginning of the story then 8 paragraphs later tell the it is 8" you lose any validity the story had. Please give up writing if this is the best you can do.

AmyfriendAmyfriendover 15 years ago
Well,

your story needs lots of work. It could have been a good story if it had been developed. It also needed some buildup, some descriptions of people who were involved, it also needed a spell checker, grammar checker and a few other things. Try reading some of the other stories on this site and you'll see what I mean. Please keep writing and just take this as constructive criticism.

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
Utter Crap

This is one of the most terrible stories i've ever read on here! If i didn't know better i'd say it was written by a 5 year old as that's how it reads! Please don't even try again as this was shocking!

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
they should have a rating below 0 for this kind...

of stuff.

I can honestly say that this is the worst story i have ever,EVER read. There was no real plot, or dialog. No real Descriptions or background info. You couldn't even get the sex noises right! This makes me wonder if there is ANY quality control on this site. Seriously, this is crap...i suggest you read some of the quality stories on this site(basicly any that aren't like this), learn to write at atleast a 6th grade level, and then get off this site and let a real writter write this.

And I have a serious suspicion that all the high ratings were posted by yourself, because no one that's old enough to be on this site would be stupid enough to give THIS a good rating.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
i thought it was a very good story!

i loved it! i really enjoy the stories like this that sound more like an experience than a damn fantasy that you spend the whole fuckin day reading before you get to any kind of action. after all, that is the point in reading erotic stories.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
umm...

that was horrible...

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 15 years ago
Need to work on writing skill!

The idea was okay, but you really, really need to work on your writing skills. The dialog is implausible and stilted, the motivations are lacking to why they get it on, and the worst part is that it reads like it was written by a 13 year old.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 15 years ago
Horrible!

You really need to work on what was written in this story. But also for those who are wondering, if you look on this person's Bio page, the person has only clarified that they are over 18 nothing else. Only story written by this person, I hope they do better in the future.

AnonymousAnonymousover 14 years ago
interesting

lol my sister is named nicole and she has c cup boobs too.

AnonymousAnonymousover 14 years ago
bad

this would be a basic outline of a story it should have been built up then posted this was a waste of time

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 14 years ago
Sexy Story man

Beautiful erotic story it is. I just can't stop masturbating imagining the situations you & ur lovely sis went through.... Keep it up.

AnonymousAnonymousover 12 years ago
Rubbish

Rubbish

AnonymousAnonymousover 12 years ago
Really

nothing salvageable here. There's always barber college

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
Amazing

The story didn't make me come, but the comments almost made me piss myself laughing.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
<>

Not at all

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
Dafuq?

1. Inconsistency:

• he has a 9" dick and overnight he looses an inch?

• first night he cums in her vag and they fuck 3 more times, 2nd night

he apologizes when he cums?

2. Lack of anticipation:

• Little effort put into a lead in in the story, there is no point in writing

incest if you do not lead it in showing their relation to eachother

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
inconsistant

way too quick of a story no back story no forplay. and at the beginning she had huge tits and then she had small tits and big areolas and nipples. needs some work. just let ur whole story out.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
Tsk tsk tsk

Ever heard of complete and utter bullshit?

thats exactly what this story is,

and it would'nt hurt to read a dictionary once in a while all in all the story line looks like it was created by a three year old with a hot sister and too much time on his hands cause you "accidentally" said "my" instead of "his"

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
Horrible

Worst story I have ever read. My pussy didnt even get wet!!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
vague and inconsistent

My god.... This is the most vague and inconsistent story i have ever read.

I did get hard though. So thanks for that.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Disappointed

Very childishly written.. You jumped around from one topic to another too much.

mafia_patriarchmafia_patriarchalmost 11 years ago
words fail me

Actually they don't. Ever hear about story structure? You just discover quotation marks at the end? Lord.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
just wham bam thankyou maam

slow down this isn't the indy 500 give more and better background and character development build some plot (this had NONE). as a story OUTLINE this was ok as a POSTABLE story it sucked.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
fake comments and a bad story

It may be just my opinion, but this story was honestly terrible.When i was in grade school i wrote stories like this, and i went through some of the comments, and there are ever so often people saying the story is amazing or it made them cum. From my point of view it seems literotica is being abused by a bunch of twelve year olds just hitting puberty or the author(or a friend of his, anyone being nice really) writing a comment that does not really fit how the story was typed like, "this was an amazing story, don't listen to those other assholes.". In the end I personally didn't like the story, but it has a semi-good back-plot, and if in a couple yearsthe author comes back and re-does the story alot better and adds some backround info to it i would honestly enjoy it.

NeoDiotimaNeoDiotimaabout 9 years ago
Unsophisticated technique, sure.

This author has been harshly criticized for the story's many faults. Clearly, this story is not the product of an author with a lot of experience and/or education with writing.

There can be virtue, however, in such naiveté. The efforts to articulate the sex acts, in my mind, avoided many conventions/cliches found on this site. Perhaps his novel ways to describe sex were unsuccessful, but at least they were novel.

I also would not be surprised to learn that english is not the mother tongue. And a couple of times, I also thought I heard some vestiges, some echoes of Biblical descriptions of sex ringing in the background. There was a rhythm of language present here at times that made me harken back to the book of Ecclesiastics.

I'd like to read more from someone who could develop these textures in any piece of fiction.

And as a final note, why people feel the need to make ad hominem comments here always surprises me.

rightbankrightbankabout 9 years ago
responding to arguments?

argumentum ad hominem, means responding to arguments by attacking a person's character, rather than to the content of their arguments.

no arguments have been made by the author. no comments were made regarding those nonexistent arguments. yes, many comments have been left criticizing this story, it's brevity, the content thereof, and the skills of the author, but I did not read any that were an argument or a rebuttal to an argument.

ergo:

When used inappropriately, it is a fallacy in which a claim or argument is dismissed on the basis of some irrelevant fact or supposition about the author or the person being criticized.

just sayin

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Get help

Please either get a better education or get an editor to help you. Good story line but terrible diction.

AnonymousAnonymousover 3 years ago
Weak

Was this fantasy written by a 14 year old boy?

AnonymousAnonymousover 3 years ago
Overly short with no plot.

Coming home and screwing his sister is not Literotica worthy story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

very very average story, you know when in the first couple of sentences the guy has 9', that the writer has nothing

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