It would be a lot better if you got your time and been a little bit more descriptive.
by
Anonymous09/06/04
Sorry, but this story SUCKED BIGTIME!
You obviously didn't take much time putting this story together. It was like a details of a wet dream you hastily wrote down as it was fading away, while the cum dried in your underwear.
by
Anonymous09/06/04
worst all time story
This is undoubtedly the worst erotic story i've ever read. Their was no flow to it at all. It was robotic.
by
Anonymous09/06/04
wow, bad
wow, that was bad. put more effort into it
by
Anonymous09/06/04
that sucked ass.
you get 25% for a hot idea, execution was not very good.
Rewirite it, spin it out, make it flow, some hard tense romance before they finally do the deed.
It is a good story, very good,straight to the point.We are not in here to read novels by Dostovesky or Arthur Miller.
by
Anonymous09/07/04
was this personal experience?
As George sucked she began to unbuckle my shorts and pull off his shirt.
Am I missing something or was point of view switched from third person to first person then back to third person?
by
Anonymous09/07/04
oh pleaseeeeee
the style of prose is horrible!!!!
its so bloody stupid..that you would have more fun reading the bible.
suggest that the author should read ummmmm maybe...the newspaper. would know how to build a goddamn story.
cheers mate.
by
Anonymous09/08/04
crap
lame ass crap
by
Anonymous09/08/04
Needs a lot of work
I've never left a comment on a story before, but this was so awful I simply couldn't let it pass. There are, I believe, various places to get help with story skills. Please avail yourself of them.
by
Anonymous09/08/04
no clue
your bio has several "no answers." can i add...no clue! no idea of how to work out a theme and develop a story. no idea about constrcting a complete sentence. no idea about about proper whether you are writing in first or second person. maybe you were looking for a sense of detachment in your story. may i suggest you permanently detach yourself from your typewriter or computer and never again unleash your dogs of war on an unsuspecting world of reader.
by
Anonymous09/09/04
Pardon?
How the fuck did this get past the editors? There is barely any punctuation to be found in this story, nary a quotation mark or capital letter. I would expect better from somebody able to use "lascivious" in a story correctly.
by
Anonymous09/15/04
Sorry
Don't quit your day job.
by
Anonymous09/26/04
very hot
don't listen those assholes they don't knpow shit this story was hot and very good
by
Anonymous10/09/04
Contradicting Yourself
OK in the first past of the story you said George is 9 inches but half way down when Nicole in on his lap, you say "He was only 8 inches but she made it seem like 12 with her reaction."
so which is it, 9 inches or 8 inches.
by
Anonymous11/04/04
Both hands on the keyboard, please!
Were you jerking off and writing this at the same time? I mean look at the noises you describe. It's like gibberish! It's nothing but fantasy spurred by an animalistic lust for one's sister. Do the world a favor, reach forward, turn off your computer, go outside, and GET LAID! You seem to suck at everything else, writing included....
by
Anonymous11/04/04
hehe
pretty frigging funny. thank you
by
Anonymous01/21/05
Piss poor story
This is a poor excuse for a story and written like a 3rd grader! Doesn't anyone read stories to see if they merit including on literotica?
by
Anonymous04/09/05
Shrink
During Sex or in anticipation of it, the cock is supposed to grow and not shrink (from 9 to 8). Now, talking about shrink, I think you need to consult one .....
by
Anonymous04/09/05
your story sucks
how many other stories did you read to make up your story?i can't believe they put your sorry ass story in here.besides what others have already said,why would you apoligise for getting cum on her? what an asshole.
by
Anonymous04/10/05
Just like a SOAP OPERA!!
Hey, I liked it just fine! The way you wrote your story here, I was able to speed read it and read about every third word and still got the whole story! Wow! Just like a SOAP OPERA -- you can miss a bunch of it, and still didn't really miss a thing! And about that dick going from 9 inches back to 8 inches, mine does that too when the first fuck was so much better than the second one!! Ha! Write some more! HURRY!
by
Anonymous05/31/05
Sucka
What kind of a story is this? Where did you learn to - ARGH! I can't even fucking go on! You're a disgrace and embarrassment to the sex world! If you have any decency, go take an erotica remedial course and back to first grade. Learn how to spell! Lascivious, my ass!
by
Anonymous06/26/05
What the hell
This story sucked. Its just a random stream of consciousness with no thought behind it.
by
Anonymous08/17/05
awful
this was worst story I have ever read...It sucked
by
Anonymous09/10/05
o please!!!
Don't write any more stories or at least improve your English before you do. Purile crap. Juice started oozing out of her panty???? what the fuck is wrong with her.Is she a fruit? Sounds as if she needs incontinent pads - hope he had boots on!
by
Anonymous09/12/05
What the hell?
I'm confused isnt this supposed to be a erotica site? That was just straight up a story that some horny 3rd grader would write, no thought so sensuality, and most of all NO romance. Siblings that have sex have a romance that is uncomparable. It sucked hard like your 9 then back to 8 inch cock.
by
Anonymous10/07/05
What the hell
Ok m just going to come out and say it. What the hell was that are you like two years old there was no dialog and it was just stupid. I hated it it has to be the stpuidest story on this entire site it wasnt erotic and it didnt get me going. You must be a virgin the way you descibed the sex espically the noices they were so lame.
by
Anonymous10/22/05
......
It sucked. Enough said.
by
Anonymous11/03/05
WoW this sucked
If this was a horse I'd take it out and shoot it
by
Anonymous11/03/05
In short....
Superfluous bits of nonsense.
by
Anonymous04/09/06
Ordinary
Learn to spell.
by
Anonymous05/04/06
erm more effort!
Constructive critcism re-write with more description and express the sex scenes better. Watch your grammer and spelling and check the size of the cock and keep it the same.
by
Anonymous05/05/06
Fantastic!!
This story had me climaxing in no time. Never before have I read anything so raw, so unbridled, so passionate, so HOT! Keep up the great work and keep writing!! Thanks
by
Anonymous05/20/06
what a load of shit
another 12 yo fantasy
by
Anonymous06/25/06
wtf!
........this was not cool.....you deserve to die for this.
I don't think that I have read a worse story on this site. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't write another story. It just means that you should include more details and proof reading to your work. Ihope that you write this story over and correct it. I do believe that it could be a good story but it has a long way to go.
by
Anonymous06/26/06
Lusty Busty Sis Review
One of the poorest stories I ever read. You could have done much better in spelling your words considering the tools that are available for your use. You must have quit school after the 4th grade. No plot. Just another boring story written with no imagination.
by
Anonymous08/16/06
.....
theres no way that your old enough to be on this site if your posting a story like that....just horrible
by
Anonymous08/17/06
Underage Crap!
As already stated by other reviewers, this garbage is obviously "written" by some retarded 14yo boy.
Perhaps one of the Literotica moderators can find a way of removing this type of stuff from the site?
I wish the writers on this site would (some of them anyway) get a clue. "C" cup tits are not "really big tits". While "more than a mouthful" they are not "more than a handful". One would only consider them "really big" in comparison to a runway model. And as to the "voluptuous", it's not really a single body part word. One would be better off using the word in reference to a woman's figure 'in toto'
In direct responce to this story: not bad, Defenitly worth a re-read but not on "my favorites list either. I've read worse.
by
Anonymous09/26/06
evry one knows abt this crap
This is a stupid story..... plz stop writing this crap u r nothing but a bull shit hello moderators of the literotica plz stop this person from writing
by
Anonymous11/29/06
go back to school
although the storyline has possibilities if put into the hands of a more experineced writer,you are just unable to pull it off,inconsistencies from a 9" member that could rip any pussy apart-to one that was 8" but looked like twelve,please do the world a service and go learn something before you try again
by
Anonymous11/29/06
My Feedback - Seriously
Yeah... 1st off, dont comment your own stories giving them 100% and giving reviews as if it was a story to rival an award winning novel, when everyone who has seen it wants to gouge out they'r eyes, and whats with this "unbuckle my shorts and pull off his shirt." crap? switching to as if this happened to you? did it? wtf? If it did, make it as if it did, if not, keep it in fiction form and not doing crap like that, as well as the fact it looks as if your fapping off while writing this, "Ummm Umm ohhhOjhh spuchsk pucsujk," the hell is this shit? did i misread and they are cave men making love? Unga Bunga eh? And how on earth did he go from "well endowed with a 9-inch tool, ready to rip open any pussy." to a "8 inches but she made it seem like 12" Does she need glasses and couldnt tell or something? Or did he have it reduced by the night before to then? As well as the fact sister and brother dont so casually say things like "if you are so interested in looking at my breasts, just ask me and I will let you pump them." From the looks of your plot im surprised he didnt attack her that moment, here is the line you'd likely use! "He then said i will pump them now and jumped ontop of her grabing her and pumping her on the floor"... shocking... It usually starts off with the brother or sister accidently walking in on the other naked/masturbating or something, as well as maybe one of them having sexual thoughts of the other, not just both of them going at it like a horny boyfriend and girlfriend or some crap like that,and each scene was way to direct and undetailed, she just jumped on him and started at him for crying out loud! and in the 2nd scene he got to cumming by the 2nd... "paragraph" into it, and strangely it seemed as thought George here couldnt make up his mind, at the start it was as if he had just noticed she become very beautiful and sexual, then to being shocked by it all at one point, and even thinking about her that way for a long time? this is utter madness, I could go on and on about this lashing of our english literature, and the fact anyone who comments positively about this should be sodomized with a barbed fence post. "Oh sorry i cummed on you" wonderful... brilliant ending, just when your thinking... how could this get any worse? Flat out HORRIBLE!... i truely hope this was a childish joke to get negative reactions by people, then again, the fake positive ones suggest your a 13 year old loser trying to defend himself... ok, yeah, i could go on, but im getting bored... so i leave you with this!
pwnt n00b!
by
Anonymous12/24/06
not good
The story was poorly written and rushed into things way to fast. My guess is you are just some young horny teenager that still has a lot to learn. So don't bother posting any more stories on here and if you do, read through some of the other stories to know what you are doing wrong.
by
Anonymous12/24/06
Yuk!!!
I have never read a story that has sucked so much in my life. You rushed into everything way too fast, the dialoge was complete crap, and there are some measurement inconsistancies.
Please dont write anything this vile ever again. Or if you do, please dont post it here.
by
Anonymous01/14/07
Quick and to the point!
It's not really a story, it's a short story, for people who haven't got time to sit there and read through pages and pages just to get to the good sex part. And I find it highly immature for 'adults' to be calling this a piece written by an underage person, based on it being so short and to the point. You should never just ASSUME things. *Sigh* immature and uneducated people who sit on a computer half their life reading through pages and pages of crap... This story is what they should all be like in my view!
by
Anonymous03/13/07
Go back and try again
Ok this story was way too rushed; there was no build up, no playing hard to get by the sister. Please I beg of you take this story back to the drawing board and try again but do a better job of it.
by
Anonymous06/08/07
It was a long story told short
It's like you were telling some buddies about a night of sex that you had, but not in full detail. Like you were saying - "Here's what happened, but to make a long story short..."
Where were the quotations for each character to speak? It was too plain and the grammar wasn't all the great either. There were far too many short sentences to give me a chance to get into the story. Nothing about it moved along easily or made me more and more interested. I got bored.
Good luck with any more work.
----
Qpdoll
by
Anonymous06/18/07
worst I've read
Some 8th grade boy must have written thhis. Go back to reading comic books, and smelling your sisters panties.
English
too short
It would be a lot better if you got your time and been a little bit more descriptive.
Sorry, but this story SUCKED BIGTIME!
You obviously didn't take much time putting this story together. It was like a details of a wet dream you hastily wrote down as it was fading away, while the cum dried in your underwear.
worst all time story
This is undoubtedly the worst erotic story i've ever read. Their was no flow to it at all. It was robotic.
wow, bad
wow, that was bad. put more effort into it
that sucked ass.
you get 25% for a hot idea, execution was not very good.
Rewirite it, spin it out, make it flow, some hard tense romance before they finally do the deed.
worst ... story.. of... all... time...............
wow. is english your 2nt language
it is an excellent story
It is a good story, very good,straight to the point.We are not in here to read novels by Dostovesky or Arthur Miller.
was this personal experience?
As George sucked she began to unbuckle my shorts and pull off his shirt.
Am I missing something or was point of view switched from third person to first person then back to third person?
oh pleaseeeeee
the style of prose is horrible!!!!
its so bloody stupid..that you would have more fun reading the bible.
suggest that the author should read ummmmm maybe...the newspaper. would know how to build a goddamn story.
cheers mate.
crap
lame ass crap
Needs a lot of work
I've never left a comment on a story before, but this was so awful I simply couldn't let it pass. There are, I believe, various places to get help with story skills. Please avail yourself of them.
no clue
your bio has several "no answers." can i add...no clue! no idea of how to work out a theme and develop a story. no idea about constrcting a complete sentence. no idea about about proper whether you are writing in first or second person. maybe you were looking for a sense of detachment in your story. may i suggest you permanently detach yourself from your typewriter or computer and never again unleash your dogs of war on an unsuspecting world of reader.
Pardon?
How the fuck did this get past the editors? There is barely any punctuation to be found in this story, nary a quotation mark or capital letter. I would expect better from somebody able to use "lascivious" in a story correctly.
Sorry
Don't quit your day job.
very hot
don't listen those assholes they don't knpow shit this story was hot and very good
Contradicting Yourself
OK in the first past of the story you said George is 9 inches but half way down when Nicole in on his lap, you say "He was only 8 inches but she made it seem like 12 with her reaction."
so which is it, 9 inches or 8 inches.
Both hands on the keyboard, please!
Were you jerking off and writing this at the same time? I mean look at the noises you describe. It's like gibberish! It's nothing but fantasy spurred by an animalistic lust for one's sister. Do the world a favor, reach forward, turn off your computer, go outside, and GET LAID! You seem to suck at everything else, writing included....
hehe
pretty frigging funny. thank you
Piss poor story
This is a poor excuse for a story and written like a 3rd grader! Doesn't anyone read stories to see if they merit including on literotica?
Shrink
During Sex or in anticipation of it, the cock is supposed to grow and not shrink (from 9 to 8). Now, talking about shrink, I think you need to consult one .....
your story sucks
how many other stories did you read to make up your story?i can't believe they put your sorry ass story in here.besides what others have already said,why would you apoligise for getting cum on her? what an asshole.
Just like a SOAP OPERA!!
Hey, I liked it just fine! The way you wrote your story here, I was able to speed read it and read about every third word and still got the whole story! Wow! Just like a SOAP OPERA -- you can miss a bunch of it, and still didn't really miss a thing! And about that dick going from 9 inches back to 8 inches, mine does that too when the first fuck was so much better than the second one!! Ha! Write some more! HURRY!
Sucka
What kind of a story is this? Where did you learn to - ARGH! I can't even fucking go on! You're a disgrace and embarrassment to the sex world! If you have any decency, go take an erotica remedial course and back to first grade. Learn how to spell! Lascivious, my ass!
What the hell
This story sucked. Its just a random stream of consciousness with no thought behind it.
awful
this was worst story I have ever read...It sucked
o please!!!
Don't write any more stories or at least improve your English before you do. Purile crap. Juice started oozing out of her panty???? what the fuck is wrong with her.Is she a fruit? Sounds as if she needs incontinent pads - hope he had boots on!
What the hell?
I'm confused isnt this supposed to be a erotica site? That was just straight up a story that some horny 3rd grader would write, no thought so sensuality, and most of all NO romance. Siblings that have sex have a romance that is uncomparable. It sucked hard like your 9 then back to 8 inch cock.
What the hell
Ok m just going to come out and say it. What the hell was that are you like two years old there was no dialog and it was just stupid. I hated it it has to be the stpuidest story on this entire site it wasnt erotic and it didnt get me going. You must be a virgin the way you descibed the sex espically the noices they were so lame.
......
It sucked. Enough said.
WoW this sucked
If this was a horse I'd take it out and shoot it
In short....
Superfluous bits of nonsense.
Ordinary
Learn to spell.
erm more effort!
Constructive critcism re-write with more description and express the sex scenes better. Watch your grammer and spelling and check the size of the cock and keep it the same.
Fantastic!!
This story had me climaxing in no time. Never before have I read anything so raw, so unbridled, so passionate, so HOT! Keep up the great work and keep writing!! Thanks
what a load of shit
another 12 yo fantasy
wtf!
........this was not cool.....you deserve to die for this.
THIS WAS JUST WRONG
I don't think that I have read a worse story on this site. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't write another story. It just means that you should include more details and proof reading to your work. Ihope that you write this story over and correct it. I do believe that it could be a good story but it has a long way to go.
Lusty Busty Sis Review
One of the poorest stories I ever read. You could have done much better in spelling your words considering the tools that are available for your use. You must have quit school after the 4th grade. No plot. Just another boring story written with no imagination.
.....
theres no way that your old enough to be on this site if your posting a story like that....just horrible
Underage Crap!
As already stated by other reviewers, this garbage is obviously "written" by some retarded 14yo boy.
Perhaps one of the Literotica moderators can find a way of removing this type of stuff from the site?
Know your cups
I wish the writers on this site would (some of them anyway) get a clue. "C" cup tits are not "really big tits". While "more than a mouthful" they are not "more than a handful". One would only consider them "really big" in comparison to a runway model. And as to the "voluptuous", it's not really a single body part word. One would be better off using the word in reference to a woman's figure 'in toto'
In direct responce to this story: not bad, Defenitly worth a re-read but not on "my favorites list either. I've read worse.
evry one knows abt this crap
This is a stupid story..... plz stop writing this crap u r nothing but a bull shit hello moderators of the literotica plz stop this person from writing
go back to school
although the storyline has possibilities if put into the hands of a more experineced writer,you are just unable to pull it off,inconsistencies from a 9" member that could rip any pussy apart-to one that was 8" but looked like twelve,please do the world a service and go learn something before you try again
My Feedback - Seriously
Yeah... 1st off, dont comment your own stories giving them 100% and giving reviews as if it was a story to rival an award winning novel, when everyone who has seen it wants to gouge out they'r eyes, and whats with this "unbuckle my shorts and pull off his shirt." crap? switching to as if this happened to you? did it? wtf? If it did, make it as if it did, if not, keep it in fiction form and not doing crap like that, as well as the fact it looks as if your fapping off while writing this, "Ummm Umm ohhhOjhh spuchsk pucsujk," the hell is this shit? did i misread and they are cave men making love? Unga Bunga eh? And how on earth did he go from "well endowed with a 9-inch tool, ready to rip open any pussy." to a "8 inches but she made it seem like 12" Does she need glasses and couldnt tell or something? Or did he have it reduced by the night before to then? As well as the fact sister and brother dont so casually say things like "if you are so interested in looking at my breasts, just ask me and I will let you pump them." From the looks of your plot im surprised he didnt attack her that moment, here is the line you'd likely use! "He then said i will pump them now and jumped ontop of her grabing her and pumping her on the floor"... shocking... It usually starts off with the brother or sister accidently walking in on the other naked/masturbating or something, as well as maybe one of them having sexual thoughts of the other, not just both of them going at it like a horny boyfriend and girlfriend or some crap like that,and each scene was way to direct and undetailed, she just jumped on him and started at him for crying out loud! and in the 2nd scene he got to cumming by the 2nd... "paragraph" into it, and strangely it seemed as thought George here couldnt make up his mind, at the start it was as if he had just noticed she become very beautiful and sexual, then to being shocked by it all at one point, and even thinking about her that way for a long time? this is utter madness, I could go on and on about this lashing of our english literature, and the fact anyone who comments positively about this should be sodomized with a barbed fence post. "Oh sorry i cummed on you" wonderful... brilliant ending, just when your thinking... how could this get any worse? Flat out HORRIBLE!... i truely hope this was a childish joke to get negative reactions by people, then again, the fake positive ones suggest your a 13 year old loser trying to defend himself... ok, yeah, i could go on, but im getting bored... so i leave you with this!
pwnt n00b!
not good
The story was poorly written and rushed into things way to fast. My guess is you are just some young horny teenager that still has a lot to learn. So don't bother posting any more stories on here and if you do, read through some of the other stories to know what you are doing wrong.
Yuk!!!
I have never read a story that has sucked so much in my life. You rushed into everything way too fast, the dialoge was complete crap, and there are some measurement inconsistancies.
Please dont write anything this vile ever again. Or if you do, please dont post it here.
Quick and to the point!
It's not really a story, it's a short story, for people who haven't got time to sit there and read through pages and pages just to get to the good sex part. And I find it highly immature for 'adults' to be calling this a piece written by an underage person, based on it being so short and to the point. You should never just ASSUME things. *Sigh* immature and uneducated people who sit on a computer half their life reading through pages and pages of crap... This story is what they should all be like in my view!
Go back and try again
Ok this story was way too rushed; there was no build up, no playing hard to get by the sister. Please I beg of you take this story back to the drawing board and try again but do a better job of it.
It was a long story told short
It's like you were telling some buddies about a night of sex that you had, but not in full detail. Like you were saying - "Here's what happened, but to make a long story short..."
Where were the quotations for each character to speak? It was too plain and the grammar wasn't all the great either. There were far too many short sentences to give me a chance to get into the story. Nothing about it moved along easily or made me more and more interested. I got bored.
Good luck with any more work.
----
Qpdoll
worst I've read
Some 8th grade boy must have written thhis. Go back to reading comic books, and smelling your sisters panties.
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