This was a good story but you lost me about half way through when you started talking about Ray and sister. Who was Ray? Where was the sister? A little more history on these two would have made the story better.
by
Anonymous06/14/04
Just about lost me there, too
I'm assuming Ray is her husband, but that has to be stated. It's little left turns like this that makes the reader pause and pulls them out of the story. Otherwise, it was fine.
by
Anonymous06/14/04
PATHETIC!
That is undoubtedly one of the worst excuses for erotica that I've ever wasted my time to read.
Leave writing to writers, please...or at least to semieducated people.
by
Anonymous06/14/04
Okay...
I can see where these comments generated from.
It's your choice of words.
Try talking/speaking your conversations aloud. Nobody says 'vagina' when talking with a brother/friend/foe.
They say 'cunt' 'pussy'.
I think your approach is too casual, and I'm only saying this to hopefully improve your writing.
Don't let this stop you from writing, you write well, you just have to choose your words better.
I can't wait to read more of your work. Don't let one story put you off writing. We all learn from our mistakes.
If a good sex scene is going to turn anal it should be labled as such-----I am tired of totaling enjoying a scene and suddenly having it turn anal--ruins the whole thing for me---
Don't be discouraged by the negative comments. I've read a lot worse. The mutual masturbation parts of this story were quite erotic, I thought.
The one criticism I agreed with was the reference to "Ray" who I surmised was the husband or SO of the story-teller. Other than that, I didn't see any major problems.
English
you lost me
This was a good story but you lost me about half way through when you started talking about Ray and sister. Who was Ray? Where was the sister? A little more history on these two would have made the story better.
Just about lost me there, too
I'm assuming Ray is her husband, but that has to be stated. It's little left turns like this that makes the reader pause and pulls them out of the story. Otherwise, it was fine.
PATHETIC!
That is undoubtedly one of the worst excuses for erotica that I've ever wasted my time to read.
Leave writing to writers, please...or at least to semieducated people.
Okay...
I can see where these comments generated from.
It's your choice of words.
Try talking/speaking your conversations aloud. Nobody says 'vagina' when talking with a brother/friend/foe.
They say 'cunt' 'pussy'.
I think your approach is too casual, and I'm only saying this to hopefully improve your writing.
Don't let this stop you from writing, you write well, you just have to choose your words better.
I can't wait to read more of your work. Don't let one story put you off writing. We all learn from our mistakes.
More anal stuff
If a good sex scene is going to turn anal it should be labled as such-----I am tired of totaling enjoying a scene and suddenly having it turn anal--ruins the whole thing for me---
GOOD FUCK STORY ...but
He should knock up his sister good with a baby.
Interesting
Don't be discouraged by the negative comments. I've read a lot worse. The mutual masturbation parts of this story were quite erotic, I thought.
The one criticism I agreed with was the reference to "Ray" who I surmised was the husband or SO of the story-teller. Other than that, I didn't see any major problems.
Who is Ray?
Who is Ray and sister?
Who is Ray?
Who is Ray?
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