' The Telltale Mattress' aka cheap and outrageous gimmick and an affront to fine literary storytelling.
What's even worse is I quite enjoyed it. In a perfect world, if I were a billionaire . I'd pay imhapless 100,000 dollars apiece to work up these stories with whacked out but irresistible premises and characters to match. The carnal scenes were a bit perfunctory this time but this author is no slouch at that facet when motivated.
Then I'd pay another 100 grand to have Richard Gerald rewrite in his more nuanced style , which I prefer when rubber hits road, email . Then I'd read it on my platinum Kindle , lock it in safe and never share with anybody, maybe twice a year on Christmas and July 4rth. Except HarryinVA ,and Xiemand .Read their collective comments, you'll see why.
kimi1990 doesn't get any stories either. She's not as mean but did misquote me once. Big mistake. Huge.
You know what? No matter how smart or how diligent an asshole cheater will always get caught. And never marry a former escort because, well, you never know. And, LSD, can I get on that list?
Sure you can get on the list . But on a personal note , you said irl wife cheated on you and you didn't find out till I'll she died ( if memory serves correctly ). So the billion dollar question is didn't she get away with it ? That seems to contradict your last comment. Don't mean to taunt ( know a little the hard way about cheaters too ) or want to be sadistic. Just checking.
Spy mattress!! I love it. I think you just tried to find the most amazing spy gadget in the history of the world. That was hilarious! What an outrageous idea. The story was as good as ever. Very nice. Five stars from me.
@LSD Check yourself, dude. Your ego is getting bigger than your package. You're not a writer; you're just like me, a person who comments. We don't drive this site, the writers do. If we never make another comment, the site will do just fine. Don't take yourself so seriously. That would be a big mistake. Huge.
is safe since she has a certificate to prove it, and she "ALWAYS" uses a condom and then tells you that you don't need a condom when you sleep with her..... use two condoms, some Lysol, a bit of bleach, and a spermicide while chugging antibiotics by the quart, and still be prepared for the gift that keeps giving.
re:
When a strange woman says that she is safe since she has a certificate to prove it, and she "ALWAYS" uses a condom and then tells you that you don't need a condom when you sleep with her..... use two condoms, some Lysol, a bit of bleach, and a spermicide while chugging antibiotics by the quart, and still be prepared for the gift that keeps giving.
------------------------------------------ --------------------------------------------
What they use in Russia (drunken parties for days and can't be bothered with condoms):
Azithromycin, sold under the brand name S umamed.
It's the neutron bomb of antibiotics, wiping out every living organism from the back of your throat to the tip of your urethra and all points in between, while leaving the major structures (you) still standing.
In the end, this guy had been fucked over 6 times by different shitheads. That alone is enough to warrant an investigation into your psychology. Why does he negotiate a deal for the cheating slut? Let her go to prison too. Then he goes an hooks up with a whore?! Germ free? Even with condoms, 25% of the population carry herpes which requires skin contact, not bodily fluid transfer. In terms of the depressing story - it makes sense, but as far as having any hope in a decent future - he has none. i.e. "Dad how did you meet mom?" - "Well that's a long story kid"
Especially the little tm at the end of smattress ! Nice touch !
I'm a voracious reader of cheating and consequences stories , and I , for one , love all the little spy devices that have been used over the years , and this is up there with the best of them ! By the way , now that Radio Shack is no more , where does one go to get all those wonderful little devices !?!? Lol.
Thanks for a great little yarn author !
I have to agree with @Harddaysknight and @sugna...
I have to agree with @Harddaysknight and @sugna...This is a good story, even funny in some parts, but it has some issues, the main one being the end. 3*
I enjoyed reading this tale. It was something a little bit different. It could have had a couple of more twists and I still would have easily followed it. If you ever decide on a re-write, you might consider the lead character getting pulled into the DA being investigated as a co-conspirator, then have the forensic accounting and infidelity proof play out after the burns Clyde in court. Liked your way just as well, but wanted to describe the sort of twist the story could have had without losing the readers.
Oh, and thanks for not killing or dismembering anyone in the story. So many BTB authors on Lit do that in their stories, but in real life I am sure they couldn't stomach doing anything like that. Looking forward to more. Keep up the good work.
Sleep number, The smartest bed in the world, shit I just looked it up on sale $2899.00. O.K. your choice was better.
A descent enough story, Bonnie not with standing.
I can't understand all of the gripes about the ending
I think that the ending was about the only logical conclusion. After being burned 6 times should Brent have sought yet another exclusive relationship? Would you have? I sure wouldn't. If he loves the sex with Amber and takes reasonable precautions why not?
Also, why criticize him for working out a plea deal for Laura. He wasn't an asshole so why not one last act of compassion?
Unequivocal 5* in my book. I loved the Smartress.
Very quickly paced and funny story. A bit like riding in one of those Lamborghini Venenos! Thanks for the ride and the smart mattress, Way better than a smart night stand or wardrobe! Randi
I always enjoy the emotional roller coaster your writing takes us on. From the sad to the funny, it's always fun seeing where your characters end up...... 5****
With a bit of work it could be the basis for a longer story,with some emotions and details added it won't be the bare bones of a story it is.Why did Laura, an engineer,get to work for a bank,and how was she involved,and why did she do it? Why does hubby go easy on her,when it is likely she started fucking Clyde because she got excited about committing the crime,her excuse of blackmail doesn't hold,since he couldn't expose her w/o exposing himself..might work better as a smart woman getting caught up in the excitement of the illicit,after perhaps doing this to make a better life for she and hubby and lost herself. As written she makes little sense,since she and hubby had fireworks going.
I gave it the five because of the humor, it kept me reading with the pace that you set, I loved the mattress, and the sex was good without getting too graphic. But, the guy was a dumb ass for "only picking cheaters" as serious girl friends. The end with Amber / Bonnie was not a good choice. No condom while doing the xzugga-xsugga with a hooker... not smart.
But as I said in the beginning, I enjoyed the story.
English
' The Telltale Mattress' aka cheap and outrageous gimmick and an affront to fine literary storytelling.
What's even worse is I quite enjoyed it. In a perfect world, if I were a billionaire . I'd pay imhapless 100,000 dollars apiece to work up these stories with whacked out but irresistible premises and characters to match. The carnal scenes were a bit perfunctory this time but this author is no slouch at that facet when motivated.
Then I'd pay another 100 grand to have Richard Gerald rewrite in his more nuanced style , which I prefer when rubber hits road, email . Then I'd read it on my platinum Kindle , lock it in safe and never share with anybody, maybe twice a year on Christmas and July 4rth. Except HarryinVA ,and Xiemand .Read their collective comments, you'll see why.
kimi1990 doesn't get any stories either. She's not as mean but did misquote me once. Big mistake. Huge.
Nice
You know what? No matter how smart or how diligent an asshole cheater will always get caught. And never marry a former escort because, well, you never know. And, LSD, can I get on that list?
@ betrayed bylove
Sure you can get on the list . But on a personal note , you said irl wife cheated on you and you didn't find out till I'll she died ( if memory serves correctly ). So the billion dollar question is didn't she get away with it ? That seems to contradict your last comment. Don't mean to taunt ( know a little the hard way about cheaters too ) or want to be sadistic. Just checking.
i liked it
it would be nice to find out what happened when the ex found out he was in a relationship with an escort after dumping her whoring ass.
A great story, 5* of course
And the wonderful thing is that the Smartress is a real product!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWP4n4Bf AYo
3*
You write well and I liked the story up until the end with Amber. Totally unnecessary to the story and it watered it down in my opinion.
Thanks for your efforts!
Minor Point
How could Clyde expose her part in the conspiracy without exposing his own?
I enjoyed the story
Spy mattress!! I love it. I think you just tried to find the most amazing spy gadget in the history of the world. That was hilarious! What an outrageous idea. The story was as good as ever. Very nice. Five stars from me.
@LSD Check yourself, dude. Your ego is getting bigger than your package. You're not a writer; you're just like me, a person who comments. We don't drive this site, the writers do. If we never make another comment, the site will do just fine. Don't take yourself so seriously. That would be a big mistake. Huge.
The "Smarttress" mattress is even smarter than advertised...
...it's electronic even magically outsmarts Laura's detection gadgets. 4*
When a strange woman says that she
is safe since she has a certificate to prove it, and she "ALWAYS" uses a condom and then tells you that you don't need a condom when you sleep with her..... use two condoms, some Lysol, a bit of bleach, and a spermicide while chugging antibiotics by the quart, and still be prepared for the gift that keeps giving.
@Harddaysknight 01/03/17
re:
When a strange woman says that she is safe since she has a certificate to prove it, and she "ALWAYS" uses a condom and then tells you that you don't need a condom when you sleep with her..... use two condoms, some Lysol, a bit of bleach, and a spermicide while chugging antibiotics by the quart, and still be prepared for the gift that keeps giving.
------------------------------------------ --------------------------------------------
What they use in Russia (drunken parties for days and can't be bothered with condoms):
Azithromycin, sold under the brand name S umamed.
It's the neutron bomb of antibiotics, wiping out every living organism from the back of your throat to the tip of your urethra and all points in between, while leaving the major structures (you) still standing.
Loved it
Pretty funny, light, and quite enjoyable!
Still Grim
In the end, this guy had been fucked over 6 times by different shitheads. That alone is enough to warrant an investigation into your psychology. Why does he negotiate a deal for the cheating slut? Let her go to prison too. Then he goes an hooks up with a whore?! Germ free? Even with condoms, 25% of the population carry herpes which requires skin contact, not bodily fluid transfer. In terms of the depressing story - it makes sense, but as far as having any hope in a decent future - he has none. i.e. "Dad how did you meet mom?" - "Well that's a long story kid"
Loved that Smarttress ! Lol
Especially the little tm at the end of smattress ! Nice touch !
I'm a voracious reader of cheating and consequences stories , and I , for one , love all the little spy devices that have been used over the years , and this is up there with the best of them ! By the way , now that Radio Shack is no more , where does one go to get all those wonderful little devices !?!? Lol.
Thanks for a great little yarn author !
I have to agree with @Harddaysknight and @sugna...
I have to agree with @Harddaysknight and @sugna...This is a good story, even funny in some parts, but it has some issues, the main one being the end. 3*
End spoiled it for me.
It was going well until the end although the sex was a bit too much for me. It was a four for sure but then that finish got you a three.
An enjoyable read for sure
I enjoyed reading this tale. It was something a little bit different. It could have had a couple of more twists and I still would have easily followed it. If you ever decide on a re-write, you might consider the lead character getting pulled into the DA being investigated as a co-conspirator, then have the forensic accounting and infidelity proof play out after the burns Clyde in court. Liked your way just as well, but wanted to describe the sort of twist the story could have had without losing the readers.
Oh, and thanks for not killing or dismembering anyone in the story. So many BTB authors on Lit do that in their stories, but in real life I am sure they couldn't stomach doing anything like that. Looking forward to more. Keep up the good work.
Ending....ugh.
Yuk....
What's your number ?
Sleep number, The smartest bed in the world, shit I just looked it up on sale $2899.00. O.K. your choice was better.
A descent enough story, Bonnie not with standing.
I can't understand all of the gripes about the ending
I think that the ending was about the only logical conclusion. After being burned 6 times should Brent have sought yet another exclusive relationship? Would you have? I sure wouldn't. If he loves the sex with Amber and takes reasonable precautions why not?
Also, why criticize him for working out a plea deal for Laura. He wasn't an asshole so why not one last act of compassion?
Unequivocal 5* in my book. I loved the Smartress.
Amusing tale
This one has to be considered as a light hearted farce and then appreciated in this vein.
Funny!
Very quickly paced and funny story. A bit like riding in one of those Lamborghini Venenos! Thanks for the ride and the smart mattress, Way better than a smart night stand or wardrobe! Randi
Entertaining
I like your Amber character but barebacking her while she's still a "working girl" - no way no matter how many condoms she has her Johns wear.
Nice pace with a good sprinkling of humor.
Well Done...
I always enjoy the emotional roller coaster your writing takes us on. From the sad to the funny, it's always fun seeing where your characters end up...... 5****
Not bad
With a bit of work it could be the basis for a longer story,with some emotions and details added it won't be the bare bones of a story it is.Why did Laura, an engineer,get to work for a bank,and how was she involved,and why did she do it? Why does hubby go easy on her,when it is likely she started fucking Clyde because she got excited about committing the crime,her excuse of blackmail doesn't hold,since he couldn't expose her w/o exposing himself..might work better as a smart woman getting caught up in the excitement of the illicit,after perhaps doing this to make a better life for she and hubby and lost herself. As written she makes little sense,since she and hubby had fireworks going.
Amyum!
You wrote a comment! But no one gets to comment about some your marvelous stories. Why not?
Jedd Clampett
5***** ... but
I gave it the five because of the humor, it kept me reading with the pace that you set, I loved the mattress, and the sex was good without getting too graphic. But, the guy was a dumb ass for "only picking cheaters" as serious girl friends. The end with Amber / Bonnie was not a good choice. No condom while doing the xzugga-xsugga with a hooker... not smart.
But as I said in the beginning, I enjoyed the story.
Good Read***
Thanks for sharing.
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