All Comments on 'Master's Pretty Little Pet Pt. 02'

Start to finish, you don't tell us this is a caring couple, you show us that they are. By varying the ways you describe arousal and excitement, you drive the eroticism higher for the reader. Few things are as boring as repetitive screeching that is supposed to be sexy. He is a good mix of teasing, caring, diabolical and loving. It makes for for the type of Sir most desire.

We all have preferred ways of wording and describing things. Be careful of using the same method multiple times in close proximity. It tends to stick out distractingly. You use the 'X like X' simile twice during the fucking. Mix up wording or space out the use of the same wording, unless the repetition is for an intentional effect.

While I'm commenting - why do people seem to think whores do so much screaming? If they do, it's most likely faked for the money. How sexy is that?

Eager for more from this couple and from you, Wicked.

Thank you for taking the time to write such an extensive comment!

This feedback is great :) I didn't even notice the awkward repetition! I'll be sure to watch out for that next time :D

So, there's obviously some leeway for personal preference- but some of it isn't.

Variable descriptions are great! They really are. They bring a reader into a story more than just a string of actions would.

That doesn't mean you need to use a different word every single time. There's just... a couple up here that almost made me completely click out multiple times.

'gooey' makes it sound like she has a yeast infection. That is the imagery it draws up.

'vaginal orifice' is another.... remember you're writing from her POV (it's in third, sure, but the thoughts? are from her head. and this is great! I love limited third) take a moment to think about whether or not you would ever describe something as going into your vaginal orifice. I can maybe see vaginal opening in a medical setting- but in general, not words we're going to use.

grion... is generally an awkward word.

crammed is not a great word to use for thrusting. Unless you want people to imagine his dick folding.

That all being said, it's a testiment to how engaging the rest of your work is that these words didn't immediately make people flee for the high hills.

Thanks for taking the time to comment!

I appreciate your feedback :)

However I don't quite see the issue with some of the words you have pulled out and flagged. I have read some wonderful stories on lit that make use of those words without any issue. I do think this boils down to personal preference, but your point is well noted!

I mean... Crammed and groin are fairly benign words, but I can understand why gooey or vaginal orifice might be off putting to some.

I shall post an edited version anyway, and omit or reword some parts that I feel need improvement :)

I made a few quick changes and submitted the edited version. Thanks again to everyone who provided feedback. This will really help me improve :) I'm still a newbie at this so I have much to learn! :P

Thanks for commenting :)

Would you mind elaborating? I only ask because the first entry sets up this second entry, so maybe you're missing some context?

As for her cooperation and his intentions. At the very beginning of the post I wrote about how the Master has always respected her limits.

"Despite how much he loved to push me and unleash his sadistic urges, he was always conscious of my limits and only once have I felt compelled to use my safe word."

And here:

"The ominous caress of a flogger against the small of my back confirmed my suspicions. Out of all the toys my master possessed, this was one of my favourites.

Not a moment was wasted as he moved behind me and struck with pinpoint accuracy, priming my delicate skin with a series of playful flicks.

It was a customary practice. He would always tease me with a few gentle whips, letting me adjust to the sensation before ramping up the momentum.

When he was satisfied I was ready, he brought the flogger down with a sharp hiss"

I also describe her increased interest and increased arousal throughout the short as their play session unfolds. Could I have improved on that, or was my description of her reactions to the flogging a little to intense?

If it's any consolation, a real life encounter was the inspiration for writing this post, and it was a lot of fun! :P