All Comments on 'Jack and Grace 01'

Nice first posting! I would suggest if you don't feel the need to find someone else to edit your work, at least read it over once yourself. You will find simple stuff like capitalizing "I" usually by just re-reading it once. I can usually read through most simple typos without caring, but enjoy it when the story feels a little more polished. Story wise, the first section where Jack walks away seems a bit confusing to me. Is this supposed to happen after they leave the party/club, or some other time? That said, the rest of the story is good so far. I like the tension in this relationship, and hope they can work it out. 4* and keep it up!

Aside from structural issues the story to me is too dramatic. I understand that this chapter is about conflict, but the words used are too strident IMHO. Yes, an editor would help you.

Read your story outloud.

When you speak the word aloud, any errors become glaringly obvious. Many of these error can easily be missed when you read silently because since you think you know what it says, authors are prone to skim over the actual words and sentences.

Interesting story, got my attention right away. Aside from some typos, story had a nice feel and pace. I could feel Jack's angst and sounds like Grace is a bit of a slut. I can't wait for the part.

Seriously? I got to the above and gave up. Do you know the meaning of frothing?

I love the drama.

Can't wait for the characters to unravel, and the story too.

Great drama, I wait for more very soon. I don't want to forget the beginning and the revenge that I see coming.

It's clear you wrote it in one sitting, but did you bother to edit? It was almost painful to read, could be so much better if you spent the time to read aloud to yourself at least to catch many of the errors. And also find an editor.

As others have said,it is important to proof read it, your mistakes were not horrible but made it hard to read. The story was interesting, but to be honest Jack appears to be a jerk,because although we know he is in pain and Ricky had done something bad to him,the reaction seems like an angry jerk,not a decent guy feeling real pain, What would help is a bit more dialog between the emotions, to show these are real people. I also recommend not putting up a 1 page post, it usually ends up being too abrupt.

That said O commend you and encourage you to write on,seeing this flesh out will be interesting.

But I didn't know they'd created an app to intentionally write bad, misspelled English. No editor, this is just plain lazy. You abuse your reader. Buck up or please don't bother.

I like the character of Jack...a little rough on the edges - lol but serious potential!

Your storyline is good, the opening scene caught my attention immediately.

That said, you need a good proofreader. Some of the clauses are grammatically awkward. For instance, "Jack did bought a round" needs to lose the world 'did'. "Jack vented out his anger" ==> 'vented out ' is redundant, drop "out". The same with "forced on" - une "forced" by itself.

Stuff like that is the difference between a polished story, and one that stumbles along. That's my constructive criticism for today.

IMHO, dump the self-centered bitch NOW.Women who are that self centered rarely change. It was only a hug becomes it was only a dance becomes it was only sex. Happiness is out there, unlikely it will be with her