All Comments on 'The Yellow Pill'

by PandaPensif

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  • 16 Comments
PandaPensifPandaPensifabout 7 years agoAuthor
Inspiration

This story has been inspired by "X-Date: Last Man Standing"(https://www.literotica.com/s/x-date-last-man-standing) written by Rarmons

Thanks to him !

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
???

I am sorry, but I was unable to complete even the first two pages of this story.

I do not wish to bash, because you obviously worked hard to conceive and write this story.

I am disappointed in that I love stories that revolve around the fictional "X-Change" pills, for I would certainly purchase them myself if they were real. But this story in and of itself, is almost wholly unreadable due to the poor grammar.

I am aware that you, the author, made a note that the story was "validated " as you put it, but you should really have had it edited prior to publishing to assure that it offered your readers and enjoyable trip.

I would love to read this story if you were to republish it with grammatical correct tions.

PandaPensifPandaPensifabout 7 years agoAuthor
To Anonymous

Can I consider your comment as an offer to edit my future stories ?

CliterateDykeCliterateDykeabout 7 years ago

This was such a jumbled word salad of bad spelling & shoddy grammar that it was barely readable. Dialogue was boring & the plotline just wasn't engahing. I too appreciate the time & effort you put into this but if this were a meal your guests would have food poisoning. There are hundreds of volunteers on Literotica who will edit & proofread your story. Avail yourself of their efforts if you want to continue writing . BTW What in the hell does it mean to "validate" a story?

DaphnesweetsDaphnesweetsabout 7 years ago

The story was good, but way too many errors. I good editor would fix that all right up.

BobluvsBobluvsabout 7 years ago
rewrite this story

can someone please rewrite this story. So annoying with all the errors in not only spelling but general sentence composition. once its been rewritten it can be posted again.

BrendaNWBrendaNWabout 7 years ago
loved your story

I really liked your story, please write more... I had no problem looking past the language errors and saw the story itself... the important thing is the creative output because anyone can adjudt and standardize your language, but only few can think of the story.. I think of it as a dialect that is close to standardized english that any fluent english speaker can translate... I would have stayed a woman and been with Brit as a friend and lover and enjoyed man also.. it would be so special to be able to.enjiy and apprrciate the other gender as one of them.. I would have been really upset to be a man again but could forgive her for tricking me.. I would have asked her if she wanted the pill since I do not, then let her destroy it.. as a man I would never be the same and would live as a transgender woman.. would a purple pill still work? I hope so

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
wish it were me

great story thank you , i just wish mikael got his wish

PandaPensifPandaPensifabout 7 years agoAuthor
Thank you for your comment

Thank you for your comment.

At first, Mikael didn't want to become a woman permanently. In this way, he got one of his wishes...

I didn't want this story to finish like most of X-change stories.

Regard.

Panda

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
Great framework

As others have said, your story needs editing.

Many of the expressions and words are unusual and not typical of English language usage.

The grammar is the chief problem, specifically regarding word order and word choice of basic elements such as conjunctions etc.

The story desperately needs a polish; make sure that you choose an editor whose native tongue is English.

I would be able to edit it successfully myself but my time at present does not permit.

If you can learn from a good editor, your English skills should improve over time..

I reduced my rating by two stars because of the language problems. If it had not been for the problems, I would have given the story five stars. The framework of the story is very good.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
Participe to a TV show to fuck 4 women if...

Anybody that bothered reading beyond ^^^ that, gets what they deserve!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
Anonymous

I was so sorry that Mikael couldn't stay as a woman .

curiousj4curiousj4over 6 years ago
Great story

It was a great story, but the grammar got worse and worse as you went on. You should really get someone to proof read your stories, as it really took away from the story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Excellent Story

I thought that the characters were well-developed and the inner thoughts were quite good. Too many of these stories don't bother with providing any insight into the mental state of the characters.

Also, I agree with the other comments above regarding getting a native English-speaker to assist with editing. I didn't personally find it off-putting (goodness knows I personally can't write in a foreign language), but I think it would help the story flow more smoothly.

I'd like to see more of your work.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago
Bad spelling and content and grammar errors ruin a very good story concept

The lack of correct spelling and numerous content errors really made me give up on this otherwise fun and interesting story. I really wish that someone would take the time to proofread the story. There were numerous sentences that simply did not make sense. Words without meaning and many spelling errors that simply were unforgivable and made the story line hard to follow.

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

Finaly! A protagonist DOES chamge back! It was a great story!

Anonymous
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I like stories on the edge of consent. When things go just a little further than you wished to.