I do not feel that the story was completed. If girlfriend was drugged where was her anger at the rapist for the drugging. She basically acted like it was not big deal. If true it was and there should be indignation by both the boyfriend and girlfriend at the rapist. There should also be justice, i e, charges being filed against rapist. This to me did not seem realistic. Finally, for me it is hard to tell if this is the end or not. This story to me was better than average so please continue.
I think I’ll never understand my fellow readers. You, Innasipo, are a self-proclaimed novice at writing short stories. Obviously you write because you enjoy writing, since none of us get paid for our stories, and yet many of those, who get to read for free, do nothing but pick stories apart while never once saying anything constructive or at least encouraging about them. I can’t help but wonder how their comment would look, if they had written in another language.
Before you think maybe I can’t read, let me acknowledge your collection of very good comments—in fact, you probably have more helpful comments than any story I’ve read lately. As you tackle your next story I hope you’ll consider them carefully.
My word of encouragement is this: The best sign of a good writer is the ability to make the reader care about the characters. The hated character, Rose, is just as legitimate as Pete, the one we sympathize with. Judging from the number of comments, you made a lot of people care, even if they don’t know it.
Thanks for the read. cd
by
Anonymous01/10/17
OK
Don't get discouraged by the comments. Loving Wives is a brutal section!! You said this was your first story and it's not too bad. Rose's claims don't match up what we read in the 1st Chapter. Interested in seeing how you conclude this.
by
Anonymous01/10/17
So how does she compensate him?
So she is now just a gutter slut slepping around, what does the husband get for compensation? I would say she has to find him a woman 10 years younger, 6 inch bigger tits, is funner and 20 IQ points. He also should get a an extra night echo time where the wife has to listen to them.
by
Anonymous01/10/17
A little too late Rose
It would seem that Rose and Jules had an ongoing flirting relationship before the winter get away and the biggest mistake Rose made was inviting Pete along to fill in the last minute vacancy. Rose started her flirtation on the bus trip to the mountains and never left Jules side once at the resort. She had mentioned to Peter that he might be able to make some friends on the trip so that may have been hint that she was going for a fling with Jules. Rosa never seemed to express wanting to have an excuse relationship with Pete (and it seems that perhaps Pete took too much for granted). The fact that Rose could spend her entire resort vacation hanging onto Jules and ignoring Pete tells me that she would never under any circumstances stay in a true exclusive relationship with Pete - she just didn't respect him very much but must have liked the security that Pete provided while she looked for her next hot guy! If you decide to take this story further have Pete dump Rose for good and take up with Janet and have Rose spend some time being miserable (since Jules doesn't want a girlfriend only a fuck buddy). Rose can be the one longing for the lost long term friendship and ends up sad at not being invited to Pete's wedding.
Much better than a lot of thetripe that shows up here.
I do hope this was not the end. I know what I THINK happened on that trip but I want to KNOW what happened. I also want Pete to get closure one way or the other.
Thanks for a fun read, provided I can end this with: "so far".
There seems to be so much more that could be told here. The characters are a little shallow still, but there is time to fill in more about their complexity and the struggles that will ensue. They are still in close proximity, and then there is Janet. I hope you have more in your head for us.
Seems like its still unfinished
Darn good job so far
Are we buying the drugged thing?
Did she get a lab test and file rape charges?
She sure acted like his humiliation was her goal.
by
Anonymous01/11/17
Need another chapter
Not finished.
by
Anonymous01/11/17
Needs Editor
If you are going to write in a language unfamiliar to you, then get someone to edit this for you. Typos, incoherent sentences, misspellings, wrong word usage etc. While Part 2 not so much, Part 1 is almost unreadable.
by
Anonymous01/11/17
What a Friggin Wimp/Cuckold
Tell the cheating bitch to take a hike!
by
Anonymous01/11/17
What happened to this story
At least he didnot wimp out in the end. Good story for a beginner .
by
Anonymous01/11/17
Cucky
No answer,straight?You're either a cocksucker or a woman
I admit that I have trouble reading humiliation stories. He can be thankful that she allowed her weaknesses to show through her apparently attractive exterior. She apparently had no capacity for introspection, otherwise she would have never shown up at his door.
The beginning of this story had me thinking here comes another wimpy cuck story, thank you for giving the guy some strength of character in the end...... The emotional talk at the end was really well written, I could feel the turmoil and pain as he sent her packing......
by
Anonymous01/11/17
Th
The lousy cunt knew exactly what she was doing and deserved everything she gets . He should tell her not only are they not together but their friendship is forever destroyed in the past years and will never be again944f
As a number of previous posters have said, "Good first effort" and "I can imagine what my writing would've looked like in any other language other than English". I think many of the manly Anon's have forgotten what it was like to be a somewhat naïve 22 year old boy. Pete is obviously not worldly and quite confused by his equally naïve EX-girlfriend's actions. I truly like how he handled the last conversation other than not directly calling her out for her blatant lies but even so, he did as well as I would've way back then.
I'm hoping for a follow-up with some reaction from family and friends 'cuz that's where the rubber will meet the road as far as comeuppance, IMHO. And hooking up with Janet...
Thanks for the effort. I look forward to more from you in the future.
Let him and Janet see if they can Gel. if so let the Bitch see them out together. if she tried to get in-between I could see Janet putting a beat down on the Bitch.
Rose was nothing more than just another fuck to Super Stud. Sadly women, being super stud pick up artists suck asses, are turned on by men who treat them as throw away objects
by
Anonymous02/03/17
EUREKA!!!
I've been reading this shit now for a couple of months and I could never quite put my finger on what was off with these stories and then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I always wondered about the writers (I'm convinced there only 3-4 of these guys) having the loving wife or girlfriend say something about it only being sex. For the longest time that pissed me off because it made no sense...and then it struck me why it doesn't make sense. Women are so different from men that it's said we're from different planets. Women are all about connecting on the emotional level so for woman to go all out for sex with some strange dick there would have to be a strong emotional connection with the person connected to that strange dick. So much so that she wouldn't have the connection to the poor husband or boyfriend she has chosen to abandon. She simply would not make these hollow meaningless protestations of deep, unfailing love and devotion for the jilted husband or boyfriend these 3 writers find so compelling.
Bottom line is that the stories are written so obviously from a man's point of view that it makes the story completely unbelievable, just so much hogwash. Men do believe it could be "just sex" because men think with their dicks, the lower head rules the upper head. But women are all about the heart and without that engaged, there really isn't that strong a sex drive, not on the level these 4 writers try to convey. Now if she's transferred the love, then the story makes sense up to the point of all the i love and only you bullshit.
So please, continue to write this shit, just make sure you give the betrayed husband/boyfriend plenty of ammunition to go for the nuclear response when he burns the bitch and her bastard by having the caught slut say something like "yeah, his dick is bigger, he lasts longer, I get a complete meal when I swallow his load and I think I've developed a deeper love for him than I ever had with you...if I ever loved you at all'. Then just go for the all out assault letting the betrayed not be more than fair, to want to deeply hurt the woman I'll probably always love. I think you would have a deeper fan base from the btb crowd if you'd just turn the cuckolds loose to totally rampage that sluts life the way real American men would when faced with that kind of emasculation
English
Not enough
I do not feel that the story was completed. If girlfriend was drugged where was her anger at the rapist for the drugging. She basically acted like it was not big deal. If true it was and there should be indignation by both the boyfriend and girlfriend at the rapist. There should also be justice, i e, charges being filed against rapist. This to me did not seem realistic. Finally, for me it is hard to tell if this is the end or not. This story to me was better than average so please continue.
anon.1
NOT TOO SHABBY!
I think I’ll never understand my fellow readers. You, Innasipo, are a self-proclaimed novice at writing short stories. Obviously you write because you enjoy writing, since none of us get paid for our stories, and yet many of those, who get to read for free, do nothing but pick stories apart while never once saying anything constructive or at least encouraging about them. I can’t help but wonder how their comment would look, if they had written in another language.
Before you think maybe I can’t read, let me acknowledge your collection of very good comments—in fact, you probably have more helpful comments than any story I’ve read lately. As you tackle your next story I hope you’ll consider them carefully.
My word of encouragement is this: The best sign of a good writer is the ability to make the reader care about the characters. The hated character, Rose, is just as legitimate as Pete, the one we sympathize with. Judging from the number of comments, you made a lot of people care, even if they don’t know it.
Thanks for the read. cd
OK
Don't get discouraged by the comments. Loving Wives is a brutal section!! You said this was your first story and it's not too bad. Rose's claims don't match up what we read in the 1st Chapter. Interested in seeing how you conclude this.
So how does she compensate him?
So she is now just a gutter slut slepping around, what does the husband get for compensation? I would say she has to find him a woman 10 years younger, 6 inch bigger tits, is funner and 20 IQ points. He also should get a an extra night echo time where the wife has to listen to them.
A little too late Rose
It would seem that Rose and Jules had an ongoing flirting relationship before the winter get away and the biggest mistake Rose made was inviting Pete along to fill in the last minute vacancy. Rose started her flirtation on the bus trip to the mountains and never left Jules side once at the resort. She had mentioned to Peter that he might be able to make some friends on the trip so that may have been hint that she was going for a fling with Jules. Rosa never seemed to express wanting to have an excuse relationship with Pete (and it seems that perhaps Pete took too much for granted). The fact that Rose could spend her entire resort vacation hanging onto Jules and ignoring Pete tells me that she would never under any circumstances stay in a true exclusive relationship with Pete - she just didn't respect him very much but must have liked the security that Pete provided while she looked for her next hot guy! If you decide to take this story further have Pete dump Rose for good and take up with Janet and have Rose spend some time being miserable (since Jules doesn't want a girlfriend only a fuck buddy). Rose can be the one longing for the lost long term friendship and ends up sad at not being invited to Pete's wedding.
So far: not bad
Much better than a lot of thetripe that shows up here.
I do hope this was not the end. I know what I THINK happened on that trip but I want to KNOW what happened. I also want Pete to get closure one way or the other.
Thanks for a fun read, provided I can end this with: "so far".
This is a great start!
There seems to be so much more that could be told here. The characters are a little shallow still, but there is time to fill in more about their complexity and the struggles that will ensue. They are still in close proximity, and then there is Janet. I hope you have more in your head for us.
Very good writing
But it feels unresolved. Still....5*s
Hmmm
Seems like its still unfinished
Darn good job so far
Are we buying the drugged thing?
Did she get a lab test and file rape charges?
She sure acted like his humiliation was her goal.
Need another chapter
Not finished.
Needs Editor
If you are going to write in a language unfamiliar to you, then get someone to edit this for you. Typos, incoherent sentences, misspellings, wrong word usage etc. While Part 2 not so much, Part 1 is almost unreadable.
What a Friggin Wimp/Cuckold
Tell the cheating bitch to take a hike!
What happened to this story
At least he didnot wimp out in the end. Good story for a beginner .
Cucky
No answer,straight?You're either a cocksucker or a woman
Thanks for your contribution
I admit that I have trouble reading humiliation stories. He can be thankful that she allowed her weaknesses to show through her apparently attractive exterior. She apparently had no capacity for introspection, otherwise she would have never shown up at his door.
Great ending
The beginning of this story had me thinking here comes another wimpy cuck story, thank you for giving the guy some strength of character in the end...... The emotional talk at the end was really well written, I could feel the turmoil and pain as he sent her packing......
Th
The lousy cunt knew exactly what she was doing and deserved everything she gets . He should tell her not only are they not together but their friendship is forever destroyed in the past years and will never be again944f
Good Effort
As a number of previous posters have said, "Good first effort" and "I can imagine what my writing would've looked like in any other language other than English". I think many of the manly Anon's have forgotten what it was like to be a somewhat naïve 22 year old boy. Pete is obviously not worldly and quite confused by his equally naïve EX-girlfriend's actions. I truly like how he handled the last conversation other than not directly calling her out for her blatant lies but even so, he did as well as I would've way back then.
I'm hoping for a follow-up with some reaction from family and friends 'cuz that's where the rubber will meet the road as far as comeuppance, IMHO. And hooking up with Janet...
Thanks for the effort. I look forward to more from you in the future.
Wheres Janet
Let him and Janet see if they can Gel. if so let the Bitch see them out together. if she tried to get in-between I could see Janet putting a beat down on the Bitch.
Nice job
hope there is more.
One Among a Hundred
Rose was nothing more than just another fuck to Super Stud. Sadly women, being super stud pick up artists suck asses, are turned on by men who treat them as throw away objects
EUREKA!!!
I've been reading this shit now for a couple of months and I could never quite put my finger on what was off with these stories and then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I always wondered about the writers (I'm convinced there only 3-4 of these guys) having the loving wife or girlfriend say something about it only being sex. For the longest time that pissed me off because it made no sense...and then it struck me why it doesn't make sense. Women are so different from men that it's said we're from different planets. Women are all about connecting on the emotional level so for woman to go all out for sex with some strange dick there would have to be a strong emotional connection with the person connected to that strange dick. So much so that she wouldn't have the connection to the poor husband or boyfriend she has chosen to abandon. She simply would not make these hollow meaningless protestations of deep, unfailing love and devotion for the jilted husband or boyfriend these 3 writers find so compelling.
Bottom line is that the stories are written so obviously from a man's point of view that it makes the story completely unbelievable, just so much hogwash. Men do believe it could be "just sex" because men think with their dicks, the lower head rules the upper head. But women are all about the heart and without that engaged, there really isn't that strong a sex drive, not on the level these 4 writers try to convey. Now if she's transferred the love, then the story makes sense up to the point of all the i love and only you bullshit.
So please, continue to write this shit, just make sure you give the betrayed husband/boyfriend plenty of ammunition to go for the nuclear response when he burns the bitch and her bastard by having the caught slut say something like "yeah, his dick is bigger, he lasts longer, I get a complete meal when I swallow his load and I think I've developed a deeper love for him than I ever had with you...if I ever loved you at all'. Then just go for the all out assault letting the betrayed not be more than fair, to want to deeply hurt the woman I'll probably always love. I think you would have a deeper fan base from the btb crowd if you'd just turn the cuckolds loose to totally rampage that sluts life the way real American men would when faced with that kind of emasculation
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