Peter Pan Complex Ch. 01

Dreck

Shifts in narrator make the story harder to understand. Some of the premises are totally unrealistic - a 20-year-old still nursing at the breast? Didn't someone catch this, years earlier, and bring it to a halt? And the 'mommy' crap drives me up a bloody wall. Won't be reading a "part 2", if it's ever published.

Good story

that was ruined by lack of an editor! The grammar is atrocious. First grade math should have told you that if the "price"( I think you meant Prince) is 20 and Mom got married & conceived at age 20, she could not be 38 now. I do like the premise of the story but switching from 1st person to 2nd person to 3rd person is a bit confusing. Flow of the story and attention to details can make or break a story.

deltonamantoman….

…..thought the author meant "little Prince" when he wrote "little price". I thought he meant "little prick"!

I forgot...

… to mention the amazing LLL tits each holding a litre of milk. That's over 2 kilograms or about 4.5 pounds! Wow. The biggest I've read about before were HHH
so we've beaten III, JJJ and KKK! Unreal!

This was painful to read.

Do you even know bra sizes?

At LLL that makes each breast plus milk
the size of a 15 pound motor cycle helmet.

I agree

Obviously English must be your second or third language. Phraseology, sentence structure and word usage are foreign. Or perhaps you are just 6 or 7 and really haven't learned to read and write.

AWFUL!!!

I quit reading after a few paragraphs because this was so poorly written and obviously not proofread or edited. Pure trash regardless of the storyline.

Dumb and dumber

What a perfectly ridiculous story.

re: Good story

Editor schmeditor. An editor should be used to refine a story, to find the stray grammatical mistakes. An editor should NOT be used to provide the "writer" a crash course in basic English.

This is so badly written that an editor would need to do a complete rewrite, so much so that the editor should be credited as the author.

Pure Crap

Terrible, just plain terrible.

ALL the comments posted, thus far, PLUS:

PLEASE don't bother to post anything else here. Your writing skills are nonexistent. Setting aside the "language issues" (which are glaringly obvious), your story would have been shitty, even without the more blatant grammatical fuck-ups.

good start to what is sure to be a great story

Don't listen to the a holes Your story is great Please continue

...

Dear loser (wannabe)
I'm so glad I got to read this. It was just great!
Oooh there's more:
In case you can't tell I'm being sarcastic! You stink! You're a senile old buck tooth mummy with boney girl arms and you SMELL LIKE AN ELEPHANTS BUTT!

Rubbish

You don't need an editor. If you took out all of the mistakes, there would not be any story left.

Sorry, but don't bother again.

Some people just like being mean

Like others have said, your writing leaves much to be desired, but this is pretty hot.
The idea of a crazily busty and perpetually milk-laden woman who allows her children indefinite, unrestricted access to her bounteous breasts really does it for a lot of people.
You might want to work on your English and study up on composition, but don't stop writing. FYI, your most jarring errors are the changes in perspective to first-person and then back again.

Let's have more

Who cares about grammatical errors? This story line is hot! Can't wait for more

finally a good story! thanks man. I hope you keep going!

Might be a good story

Might be a good story if you can get someone to edit it for proper grammer and misspellings.