All Comments on 'The Inheritance Ch. 02'

especially the part where you introduced Taryn. It was like boom here's a new character. Actually it took a paragraph or two to realize that you had introduced a new character, because at first I thought you had changed the mother's name, midway through (which happens a great deal, when people do a poor self edit). Overall still a good chapter though the overall concept is a bit close the concept of "A Gift form His Father" by Absolutelywickedthoughts. Still can't wait to see how your characters develop and where your story goes.

Just when you start getting the into story it's over. Not much going on. Some idle disconnected chatter. Makes it hard to follow or keep interest. Otherwise it could be better overall. So little storyline is offered in one short chapter.

Please pay more attention to details.

You introduce new characters without introducing who they are, your text reads as parts are missing... most disturbing example is the father's message mentioning the possible outcomes of the armor accepting him instead of killing him:

"There are two ways that can happen. ..." One is that he becomes a caretaker. What the other is is never mentioned, only it is implied by that if he is a caretaker he is not going to be changed, and since he was changed, hence he is likely not a caretaker, but what else it means is not mentioned at all... as if the father did not knew about it. But then how could he know about there being another possibility at all?

How do any of his cloths fit if he changed so much last chapter? How did he go to freaking out about sleeping with his mother to completely calm about it? How does he know an upper manager at a bank? Who is this new half-Japanese girl, and how do we know her more buxom mother? Why did this girl not react to the major changes to his appearance, let alone standing there naked when she walked in? And that is not even getting into the issues surrounding the letter from his father...

Seriously, get an editor and learn how to storyboard.

and some way to fill in the gaps.

i.e. what does this mean?

"Doing right by those in pain are your charge."

It looks like this series is going to join all the other almost but not quite stories.

Perhaps the chapter should have been a little longer introducing more to the new characters, but if you read the first chapter, you can see quite well.

I think this story should be read with a rather open mind, it is mental control with incest and maybe even a touch of romance, we will see the third chapter.

At the moment, 5 * for you.

I apologize for my English (yet), is not my native language.

I am still reserving my vote. I will read 1 more chapter but I wont be strung along with no info.

After reading 3 chapters, that are way to short, with out any information, I am done. I leave giving you a 3* for your efforts, but I'm not going to wait for another chapter to come out, that is so short and gives no information and induces more questions. Good luck with your writing.

Bad authors quite. The good ones give more information. They aren't just one page per chapter. What do you want to be? Good or a stinker? This is a good start but bring this story through to the end. As is now, it's mediocre or two stars. I'm hoping to get you 5 stars. Please don't let your story die. Thank you