Accident in the Sauna

Good Read***

Thanks for sharing.

Interesting 4 *

Confused out of the gate but after the rescue made all kinds of sense.....

She fell on him when the roof fell in. But when they were freed he go off her

Pick a POV and stick with it.

It would have been better with an editor. At the beginning she was described as taller than most women but she had short legs. At the end he noticed her long beautiful legs. Also, trapped in the sauna, at first she was positioned over him in the pushup position. When they were rescued, the fireman pulled him up off his mother. The switching from first person to third person over and over was also confusing.

Good First story

It was a good first story, I do agree that it would have been better with an editor somewhat atleast. I was actually looking forward to reading this story. Right after they got out of the sauna I wanted more but was disappointed by the shower sex. I was hoping that they would go fully clothed, just passion. I think you were trying to go for sexy but your needed to go more passion. Something like and they opened the door to their house; say on the couch, looked at each other. Fireworks. But that's just a real quick over view of where I would have taken the story. Good first story though. I liked it.

SO PICKY

This is a good hot story and we need more mom and son stories.Lets encourage and maybe we can get more good stories.Thanks

POV

You started with a first person POV, then suddenly changed to a third person POV, totally ruined the whole storey line.... Get an editor.

Editor needed

Changing POV in mid-story definitely didn't work here and the over abundance of explanation marks, spelling errors, formatting & grammatical errors, along with the inconsistencies in the facts (ie, short legs that stretch into long legs) point to what many folks have already suggested - get an editor. Just too many gaps and irregularities to overlook.

It wasn't bad

It wasn't bad just a bit rushed and some inconsistencies but short of that it wasn't bad. ***

A good story, I thought.

You need some help with your writing though. On the main menu page there is a section called "Writers Resources" that would help you immensly. There is one article at the beginning that covers basics like punctuation, POV (Point of View), and paragraphs, just to mention a few. That would improve your mechanics a whole bunch.
Don't be too disheartened by the pretentious jerks, that criticize so harshly, and then, like the cowards that they are, hide behind their Anonymous handles. That is not to say that their comments are unfounded, but they are cowards as far as I am concerned.
I really liked the story itself though so I gave you a 4* even with the writing issues. Good job, and keep at it.

I agree, it's good!

Good story. Thanks. :)

A very good effort.

Geez some people are hard to please. Yes there were some errors in the story and yes it could be improved with a re-read before publication, however, it is also clear that the writer has talent and despite the complaints below, i bet every one of the critics still got hard reading it!

Hope you keep going with more.

this is very similar to the story 'a tight spot'

2

Lame premise! They fuck in an earthquake? You shouldn't have slept thru grammar class. Go back and take a writing class!

O I know what to do

Keep writing an cum in every hole! Keep her filled with your baby making batter.
Maybe if she is able to have children put one in the oven. Make her your wife
Do not stop the screwing and fill her with enough of your seeds that she cannot walk so that the river of cum runs down her legs. Save time work out at home and sauna in the master bathroom.....

In my opinion, you should pick a tense and stick with it.

This "shifting tense" makes things unnecessarily confusing.

Keep writing

Yes there are a few things you could improve on, but you have talent. Keep writing, it will get easier and flow better. Good story

Paragraph your dialog!

This is meant to be constructive

1 - Please stop with the exclamation points after every other sentence. They are distracting, and do not help the story.

2 - Be careful with the point of view. You told most of the story in the first person, then suddenly switched to third, then back to first.

3 - I remember a very similar story. The only difference was the earthquake came while the mother and son were standing in a bathtub, and they fell down. Trying to describe the sex in such an awkward position is difficult, and it's even worse for the reader trying to understand the contortions you describe.

4 - I don't have a problem with the unrealistic situation - a mother telling her son to cum so his dick would get soft and they wouldn't be caught is kind of funny, and sometimes readers need to suspend their disbelief. I did that for your story.

Yes

There were errors which were pointed out by other readers so I'll say no more. Still I gave you ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for this effort..

HOT!

Don't give a whit about personage or grammar; I truly enjoyed that!

good start I liked this alot. Keep them coming.

I agree with some...

Definitely need an editor, they change positions four times before being rescued, and the dialogue not being separated kept me doing double takes to be sure I hadn't lost my mind. This wasn't a bad story, but it's bumpy to get through without proper formatting and consistency.

Also:
" this is very similar to the story 'a tight spot'"

If this is the story I'm thinking of, the earthquake happened in a walk in closet. My mind immediately went there and it was hard to focus on what I was reading vs trying to find evidence of a copy. Aren't many true original ideas on the site, so it's forgivable. new saying it was quick to say, "didn't I read this already?"

Trying to be constructive, don't take offense and keep trying.

L

It was awesome for a first go keep it up

blacknight314 is a little b i t c h.

Go jack off some more you Weiner... Blacknight314 and hide behind your failure of a internet handle.. Lol what a moronic comment from an utter pathetic moron.

Literotica should just disable anonymous comments.

Bunch of trolls who can't show their faces, so who just comment anonymously. Anyhoo like all the other people said, needs good grammar. The premise was hot or what I could understand of it.

loved it!

Accidents happen...

great start

i read the comment's and one commentator is way out of line, sure you made some mistakes but you can learn from them. Keep writing and try to start with a rewrite of this story if only for yourself, with all the positive suggestions you can see what is incorrect. I'm trying to write a story myself but Englisch is not my first language and that is keeping me from finishing any time soon, every time i reread i keep altering stuf mostly grammer but also mistakes you just don't see at first.
Well just keep writing and maybe this first was just a chapter in a bigger story.