All Comments on 'Daphne and Her Milk Pt. 01: The Beginning'

please continue and flesh out this tale

I'm interested in the story, but the sentence structure, grammar, and spelling need some work. I found myself being emotionally divorced from the tale because of them.

Can you give me an example Farben0192? What were the parts that you didn't like? English is not my native language, when I reread it, nothing really caught my eye.

and the meaning behind the title. Very intrigued!

Honestly the BIGGEST thing that I caught was at least twice you refer to Daphne as a male. Now unless I miss my guess Daphne's not a dude lol. The spots I found were:

"She headed home after processing the deer, leaving the meat for his brother to prepare."

"She snuggled close to him in a reverse spoon, feeling his tight body against hers as she hugged his hunky boyfriend."

Should be "leaving the meat for *her* brother" and "she hugged *her* hunky boyfriend" respectively.

I just skimmed this story but it seems pretty good; I'm interested to see where it goes. Just make sure you apply the correct nouns to the proper gender... lord knows how touchy people are about gender these days... lol

Not giving you a hard critique as I understand most authors have different styles or techniques in weaving together a story. However, the only thing that bugged me about the story, (which by the way it was wonderfully written with great background and established character/dilemma; kudos), was that it mentions milk in the title and lactation in the tags. Now, I understand that since it is just the first chapter of what I assume is a continuing series, you're probably leaving her milk to be a more climatic point in later chapters. That's perfectly fine, but my pet-peeve as an author myself, and as a breast man that loves lactating women, my main concern is not delivering something when you're advertising it. Example, I wouldn't mention or tag breastfeeding in a story where a woman won't be nursing a male/female/ect. Perhaps I'm being too technical, but when I read milk and lactation I was hoping for milk and lactation. Either way, great work, excellent job of putting together the sequences and looking forward to the next few chapters...oh and of course, the milk! :)

I get the feeling she will understand soon enough why the Amazons supposedly removed one of their breasts...

You might be onto something :)