All Comments on 'The Supermarket'

Good idea but incredibly incomplete.

Hoping there will be more.

not only a child but apparently everyone (apart from him) knew about it?

if you'd have made it a tiny bit more plausible this could have been a start of a nice series, as it is it's a miss

Good short story, but it needs a ending.

Good short tale of how things are not always as they seem. People are often too quick at thinking they know what has happened with old friends and aquaintances when they have moved from an area. Howver this can be on incomplete information which if they are lucky the local gossip may correct.

It doesn't need another part, leave them in peace to sort out their future together.

A good start if this is going to be a series.

If it is a short story without continuation, I find it too short and with many loose ends ...

Still, 5 * for you, hoping for more chapters.

I apologize for my English (yet), is not my native language.

Daughter who is 3 makes mind wander. Who is her Father?

Screams for a continuation. 5*

And interesting setting. Is this the beginning of a series of Flash stories? or is a simple teaser to mess with us?

Otherwise it ain't nothing special, just some random people with history of nothing happening. Keeping fingers crossed for sequels.

4* for now.

Nope feels like an outline to a story, a story you didn't seem bothered to then flesh out. So just decided to post it to piss the readers off.

This would be a good start for a series.

nice start but it looks like he put some thing in the oven before he went in the service.

We are looking for a happy ending to this one.

So much regret, what might have been, and if only, to not take it forward.

I am hoping you finish this story in the near future

You had us going down the wrong assumption, along with our hero. Very nice. And left the opening for part two. Also very nice. One thing; what does Carla look like? Perhaps I read too quickly but I don't remember "seeing" what she looks like.

Anyway, good work.

Like so many writer starts a story with no end

It's way too short even as a first chapter. Good start though

"Anonymous" sent me feedback that my research was flawed, he wrote: ”All Service Academies are 4 years + 5-years of commissioned obligation. You could have carried the story but for the 3-year stint + a year to make Captain. In addition to the Academy screw-up, without the Academy you are talking about a 3-year Reserve Commission and Captain in 4 is out of the question for a Reserve who departs the service immediately. If you are going to include military services in your stories, learn about them first! Potentially good story ruined by ignorance.”

I looked at my files and this story was my 73rd completed on 1/9/2013 (don't say anything, I know how anal I am!) so I looked up the Short Service Commission details again on the British Army website. The SSC 3yrs is still the same and can be extended if approved up to 8yrs total; 72% SSC officers extend or transfer to a Regular Commission, then the Army Reserve; I understood from a pub conversation with a then recently invalided from bomb disposal work as a Royal Engineers WO, that SSC officers of his long experience often extended for a year or two in order to make Captain, but that I have to admit is hearsay; I could find no reference at all to a "3yr Reserve Commission" that Anonymous refers to, but the Army website may only advertise the more 4 common avenues (the others are: Intermediate Service Commission for 18yrs, but after 2yrs you can transfer to a shorter commission as 63% do, and the University Undergraduate Officer Award commission for 3yrs after which you have options to transfer to RC or leave for a civilian career). The Army Reserve is the new name for the old Territorial Army, and Bryan can join that body and serve 27 days a year for as long as he is fit, in fact in the episode I am working on he has also joined the full-time staff at the RMA, training officers on their 44-week cadet training. I do try and research all my stories to get them as "real" as possible, but this is fiction that I am writing and readers do need to accept at the end of the day that it is just a story.

This little story came to a halt too soon.

So I continued the story in "Bryan & Carla After the Supermarket.

really nice story.

going to read the rest.

A GOOD STORY. CAN'T WAIT TO READ AFTER THE SUPERMARKET!

What the commenter stated is absolutely true — for U.S. military academies and college/university reserve officer training programs.

You are, obviously, writing from a British perspective, as is made obvious by the words/language you use: “boot”, “catch her up”, "To Sussex, to be near...”, “filling up that trolley”, and I suppose most pointedly “That's £8.41...”.

About a week after this story was posted came...

“Bryan & Carla after the Supermarket: 4 Part Series”

Yes etchiboy, Bryan & Carla was written as a sequel at the suggestion of a number of readers. The original story, along with two others were written as part one of my writing groups challenges, to write a story based on "Pass it on", thus I wrote The Supernarket about Mrs Kingston passing on to Bryan the truth about Carla and Brie and her marital status. Included in that "Pass it on" series, written in September 2013, was School and Mall, plus a other not appropriate to Literotica, Pass it on Deadly (about black rats passing on plague). Hope you read and enjoy the sequel, very much written tongue in cheek.

Good start

Very good story - good writing and introduction of the main characters

This is a story that will never be finished

The story continues under "Bryan & Carla after the Supermarket: 4 Part Series"

Good, but needed a little bit more.