Forbidden Fruit

Plain stupid, same old crap. Over and over. Wake me up someone please, when it get's better.

No voting.

Garbage, garbage, garbage..

Trash, trash, trash...

i would call this

story one of the dumbest i have ever read but then i think of matt black and he is hard to beat anyway what mental hospital are you in.

I sure would like to take a last minute flight to Hing Kong

It's only $6,000 or so. I mean, that's pocket change, right?

Really?

Really? 1* (where are the negative ratings when we need them?)

Wtf

So loving wives mean actually the opposite. Shouldnt there be a moderator putting this in a seperate category. Fucken stupid

Wtf?

This sites official definition of the category is;

Loving Wives - Married extra-marital fun: swinging, sharing & more.

Good first try. Would like to see what happens next...

Don't listen to the critics. Good first try.

Comments:
Watch your tense. Watch the point of view, the transition was confusing. Also, it helps if you keep the quotes so that we know who is speaking and the intent. I know I am being picky and I like what you were shooting for, this is close to one of my experiences.

On Story itself:
I would like to see more emotion. Did she not feel weird at all inviting guys back to her room? Was she unconcerned about the consequences to her work? Did she not think even for a moment about how this might impact her husband?

There seems to be a great deal of cuckold material coming out of UK.

You're not naughty

You're mentally challenged and a slut who used to be married... other than the immediate divorce... I see trouble big time for several employees and a couple of marriages besides your own as well as alot of revenge from your ex-husband. Happiness is fading fast for you.

What he didn't say

"tomorrow you will introduce me to these guys": 1 - And I'll suck all of them before and after they fuck you again" or 2 - "I'll beat and send them to the near hospital and then call their wives to tell them what they did. And you don't dare to come home!" It's the reader's choice! But it really doesn't matter! This story will always be trash!

You may not be aware of this

We the official members of the He Man Women Haters Club rule this category.
Please make sure you write stories where the man always wins and the woman always loses. If you could add a scene or two where the woman gets slapped around, all the better.
I'll give you 5 stars this time but please try to do better in your next story.

re:betrayedbyImpo

And don't you forget it ass wipe.

re:super slut 69

Don't listen to the critics? Of course not, only listen to what I say. After all my name is Super Slut 69. That name says it all, doesn't it?
Tags says "interracial", so the question should be, why is this in loving wives, but then why not, every other genre is already in loving wives, why stop now?
And of course he rolled over and fucked her hard. Cuckolds get off knowing their slut wives are getting fucked by others. Standard for most LW stories. 1* for this non-erotic drivel.

Ouch

Where did I decide to tie up my burro? He could have a least warned us....

No news

A new baboon...
Of course 1*

What the fuck ?

You sick ads cucky wimpy fags . Here feast on my used condoms ya sick fags

All the way to Hong Kong

To be a complete slut? I think this gal needs to get a room down in TJ and the author needs to go with her to lib up the donkeys!

Horribly written

Could barely understand who, what, where, etc. Learn to write or get an editor

FYI

One guy is making almost all of the negative comments. Impo is his confederate. They do it on every LW story. Delete them and keep writing. I enjoyed the story.

1*

cuck shit.

Whatever

Reminded me of my exwife when she traveled to Texas, Florida, and Georgia, for her store openinns. I'd get her travel schedule, and book a load for my truck to the same area. I'd leave the truck at a nearby truckstop, and take a cab to the same hotel to surprise her. One clerk said that she'll definitely be surprised! I asked him to explain, but he said they take guests privacy very seriously. I gave him a $20, and he told me what was going on. After that first time, I scheduled loads to her destinations every time, just to spy on her. I gathered enough information to prove she was cheating, and filed for divorce. She got very upset in the courtroom when I showed my evidence and her lawyer tried to get my proof thrown out as an invasion of privacy while she was traveling. The judge granted the divorce, and told her she had to pay me $200 per month, for 5yrs. It wasn't about the money, I just wanted the cheating bitch out of my life! She'd no longer get a new car every 2 yrs. I didn't have to make a $1200 a month house payment! Money saved and in my pocket! See ya bitch!

re: anonymous-FYI

Good advice. First one to go should be you. Same shit comment every story. Get a life anon. Climb back into the sewer where you crawled out of.
Tags say: interracial-Isn't there a category for that? Why dump into this category?

Atrocious writing, go back to school and learn basic English.

Asia is a great place to fuck strangers.

They started out mentally ill. Wonder if you'll write the part where she learns she has genital herpes? Kind of take the edge off the mind masturbation, don't it.

I my mind that means she's been doing this every time she travels for work. The trust is gone and could never come back so divorce the pig because she works with these 3 young horney guys who will fuck her whenever they want now. Its sad all the guys I know about 75% of them are fucking married woman. The ones that travel are the worst. A few build all the trade shows and all the guys fuck the people from all the different companies that travel there to show there products. Three of them hung whit a single 28 year old and a married 40 year old who claimed she never cheated. We'll they all drank and fucked they double and triple teamed the two of them all night with pics and video as proof. That poor hubby will most likely never know what a pig he's married to . Like I said there's dozens of guys plus there friends I don't know that are fucking married woman. WHAT A SHAME

NEED IMPROVEMENT!

Welcome to Lit. I suspect you’ve read stories posted here and are aware of the need for a thick skin. The problem with posting first stories in Loving Wives is there are so many readers who have no empathy for those of us trying to improve our writing skills. If you enjoy writing, continue writing stories that please you—you’ll notice a few constructive comments; pay attention to them.

Now about your story—you have a really good basic storyline here. Unfortunately your writing style hides its good points very well. I suggest you spend a lot of time in the writer’s resources here on Lit.

Just a couple basic points: All dialogue should be enclosed in the double quotes, if you are in the USA. I think the Brits sometimes use the single quote, but if you stick with the double quotes—“—you’ll be safe. #2-Start a new paragraph every time a new person speaks—always. #3-Try to keep your situations as believable as possible. This isn’t an easy task; we have a place or situation we want to use, so we cut the corners neglecting to develop the situation.
For example Re #3—
During the flight to Hong Kong, you could have had Dave thinking about how badly he’d like to see his wife getting it on with another stud. Maybe he wants her to experience a big cock, maybe he just likes the idea of watching—it could be a leftover thing from a repressed childhood—anything but just tell us why a man would catch his wife having obviously cheated, and just say, “Ok,” then fuck her and go to sleep. If that were to happen in real life no one would believe it.

Keep trying, you’ll soon be getting good scores.

2 stars

Your plot is ok, but you need to learn English and how to write dialog.
it

ARE ALL HUSBANDS IN YOUR WORLD CUCKOLD, FAGGOTS?

I've been reading this shit now for a couple of months and I could never quite put my finger on what was off with these stories and then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I always wondered about the writers (I'm convinced there only 3-4 of these guys) having the loving wife or girlfriend say something about it only being sex. For the longest time that pissed me off because it made no sense...and then it struck me why it doesn't make sense. Women are so different from men that it's said we're from different planets. Women are all about connecting on the emotional level so for woman to go all out for sex with some strange dick there would have to be a strong emotional connection with the person connected to that strange dick. So much so that she wouldn’t have the connection to the poor husband or boyfriend she has chosen to abandon. She simply would not make these hollow meaningless protestations of deep, unfailing love and devotion for the jilted husband or boyfriend these 3 writers find so compelling.
Bottom line is that the stories are written so obviously from a man's point of view that it makes the story completely unbelievable, just so much hogwash. Men do believe it could be "just sex" because men think with their dicks, the lower head rules the upper head. But women are all about the heart and without that engaged, there really isn't that strong a sex drive, not on the level these 4 writers try to convey. Now if she's transferred the love, then the story makes sense up to the point of all the i love and only you bullshit.
So please, continue to write this shit, just make sure you give the betrayed husband/boyfriend plenty of ammunition to go for the nuclear response when he burns the bitch and her bastard by having the caught slut say something like "yeah, his dick is bigger, he lasts longer, I get a complete meal when I swallow his load and I think I've developed a deeper love for him than I ever had with you...if I ever loved you at all'. Then just go for the all out assault letting the betrayed not be more than fair, to want to deeply hurt the woman I'll probably always love. I think you would have a deeper fan base from the btb crowd if you'd just turn the cuckolds loose to totally rampage that sluts life the way real American men would when faced with that kind of emasculation
I TRULY HOPE THIS HUSBAND WANTS TO MEET THESE GUYS SO HE CAN KICK SOME ASS, NOT DRINK STRAIGHT FROM THE TAP.

1*

fag cuck shit.