I give the author credit. He stepped his game up for last part. Mike Conners died today . He was big star back in his day of series named 'Mannix' about ex-Korean War vet turned hard boiled detective. .Joe M . was pretty crusty but ultimately easy to root for sorta guy and his lovely African-American secretary Peggy was a slice of nice.
The actual show was disposable, too many cliches but here and there there would be inspired piece of writing.
Peggy Fair: He thinks I deserve a raise.
Joe Mannix: [Wincing while drinking a cup of coffee] Soon as your coffee gets better.
Peggy Fair: You made that pot!
Joe Mannix: Soon as my coffee gets better.
Kudos to Tomthum for first story. I liked the finish. Consider making your narrator a tough cookie like Joe Mannix and not an asshole. Go light on cliches, avoid misogyny if at all possible. Good luck.
I would read any more about this person, why? Those who "take advantage of women," are interesting? Well, not to this one. I'll let those who enjoy characters who take advantage of women congratulate you. Withhold my compliments to the chef.
I bet this character will never be 91 years old like Mike Conners! He will die young, and frankly that's what he deserves! He is no human, he is just like a dog wandering around and fucking any bitch in heat he finds, till the day he dies in pain hit by a car, he didn't noticed because he was looking to his next target! This isn't even funny! One of the worst stories in LW this month, and that was a difficult task! 1* (where are the negative ratings when you need them?)
Well , wasn't that the feel good story of the year , NOT !
Well , I'm glad this " New " author got that off his chest . It's always nice to see the Dan's of the world , you know the hard working , loyal , monogamous good guys , taken advantage of . Yes , that's a kink so many of us enjoy .
I certainly hope that this author feels like he has contributed his share this site that sees so few stories about the nice guy finishing last .
2 *'s
Dan deserves better friends, a better wife and a better employer. And, with a good lawyer suing all three, he will soon have a divorce, a bankrupt 'friend' and an employer writing him a big fat check..... This is one piece of scum seducing another piece of scum.....
that now Moira HAS to be more temperate with Dan, a more decent and less inflamed and accusatory wife, because otherwise her own willfully spiteful behavior might be revealed, and also because -- as she knows -- she herself is far more guilty than anything she can accuse him of? Cleverly plotted!!
Mysoginistic, manipulative and boorish. But damn if I didnt laugh a wee bit. Maybe it was Lotharios prowess as a cocksman or his heinous disregard for Dan but some element failed to ring true. Maybe had he srviced the shrew a few more times, setting the hook deeper for the reader it would rang less like a joke a more like a cautionary tale. Had to give it 5* if only because it the best flash LW story of the year.
English
Laughed at finish, but not proud of it
I give the author credit. He stepped his game up for last part. Mike Conners died today . He was big star back in his day of series named 'Mannix' about ex-Korean War vet turned hard boiled detective. .Joe M . was pretty crusty but ultimately easy to root for sorta guy and his lovely African-American secretary Peggy was a slice of nice.
The actual show was disposable, too many cliches but here and there there would be inspired piece of writing.
Peggy Fair: He thinks I deserve a raise.
Joe Mannix: [Wincing while drinking a cup of coffee] Soon as your coffee gets better.
Peggy Fair: You made that pot!
Joe Mannix: Soon as my coffee gets better.
Kudos to Tomthum for first story. I liked the finish. Consider making your narrator a tough cookie like Joe Mannix and not an asshole. Go light on cliches, avoid misogyny if at all possible. Good luck.
Lost me with the first paragraph
I would read any more about this person, why? Those who "take advantage of women," are interesting? Well, not to this one. I'll let those who enjoy characters who take advantage of women congratulate you. Withhold my compliments to the chef.
@ rc68 ...we actually agree
Mental manipulation at at any level is definitely not 'your thing'.
I bet...
I bet this character will never be 91 years old like Mike Conners! He will die young, and frankly that's what he deserves! He is no human, he is just like a dog wandering around and fucking any bitch in heat he finds, till the day he dies in pain hit by a car, he didn't noticed because he was looking to his next target! This isn't even funny! One of the worst stories in LW this month, and that was a difficult task! 1* (where are the negative ratings when you need them?)
Adolescent
What are you, 12?
it was a new idea, well written, no big 10 inch cock making her crazy. I am glad I read it. Thank you for sharing.
I guess...
a Trump supporter would give this a 5*. I give it 1*. The main character is a reprehensible bag of crap. Can't connect with him.
what is going to happen when dan gets back?
Well , wasn't that the feel good story of the year , NOT !
Well , I'm glad this " New " author got that off his chest . It's always nice to see the Dan's of the world , you know the hard working , loyal , monogamous good guys , taken advantage of . Yes , that's a kink so many of us enjoy .
I certainly hope that this author feels like he has contributed his share this site that sees so few stories about the nice guy finishing last .
2 *'s
Dan deserves better....
Dan deserves better friends, a better wife and a better employer. And, with a good lawyer suing all three, he will soon have a divorce, a bankrupt 'friend' and an employer writing him a big fat check..... This is one piece of scum seducing another piece of scum.....
Oh, my
Now this is what creates headlines in newspapers when hubby finds out and goes and gets his gun....
MGM
What a pile of rubbish!
The main character has the morals of an alley cat, a despicable apology for a man,
Yuck
About as attractive as watching any kind of news these days,yuck.
Does no one understand
that now Moira HAS to be more temperate with Dan, a more decent and less inflamed and accusatory wife, because otherwise her own willfully spiteful behavior might be revealed, and also because -- as she knows -- she herself is far more guilty than anything she can accuse him of? Cleverly plotted!!
Distinct lack of humour...
In the comments. What a bunch of sad sacks. News flash folks, this is fiction, not an autobiography. Nice story well told. 4*
A reprobate with a verizon cudgel.
Mysoginistic, manipulative and boorish. But damn if I didnt laugh a wee bit. Maybe it was Lotharios prowess as a cocksman or his heinous disregard for Dan but some element failed to ring true. Maybe had he srviced the shrew a few more times, setting the hook deeper for the reader it would rang less like a joke a more like a cautionary tale. Had to give it 5* if only because it the best flash LW story of the year.
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