- All
Comments (5) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
English
Nice one
Glad to see you continue this story, it would be really sad to see it left with the previous chapter. I like how you tackled it from the female POV and added all the details she deemed important coupled with her emotions and reactions. I like the idea of her/his POV and then a finishing one made from the 3rd person, gives you room to play with the characters and cover the story from all angles.
One small suggestion - while the retake of her side of the story made a lot of sense and covered everything we need to know, it sounded a bit dull. You could easily correct that by including her mom in that conversation (like when she was interrupting her daughter in her monologue), and the last few sentences don't make sense as her mom was already present so no need to recap it to her. Makes for a more naturally flowing conversation instead of a pages long monologue.
Gave it a 5* and am looking forward to the next one!
Hurry
Please get the next one out ASAP and as long as possible I love this story
Please continue
Would like to see where this goes. I'm a sucker for 'love lost and then found...'
Good continuation of the story.
A new point of view of events is always interesting, and more when it comes to a lost love and then rediscovered.
5 * for you.
I apologize for my English (yet), is not my native language.
this was an interesting continuation
keeping it to a single voice, and from only one perspective showed how creative the writer is. We learned a lot about Carla's life, and dreams. But it seemed a bit melancholy, even maudlin. It felt like we were eavesdropping on a phone conversation between Carla and her mother.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Bryan & Carla after the Supermarket or
More submissions by Spencerfiction.