You really can't understand and appreciate this story until you read the whole thing.
You writing style really reflects that the sum of the parts is superior to the parts themselves. The parts, or chapters, are painful and confusing. Do yourself a favor and rewrite this so that it flows. In its present form it drips down upon the reader in clumps of times and places that are related but disconnected. Its like being served a meal where each food item is randomly brought to your table, without any pattern or warning. I think I will wait until the entire dinner is on the table then enjoy it as best I can, no thanks to you.
Most authors struggle to improve a weak plot and empty characters with clever plot tricks or compelling events. You have a plot and story that is pretty good, but are butchering it by dolling it out in obscure bits and pieces, with no obvious relationship between them. I suspect this story won't make much sense or be much fun to read until you are reading it for the second or third time, all the way through. Then you can say to yourself, Oh, that's why that scene or those words or that behavior was significant to the story. Wonder how many readers will invest that much time and energy. Your ratings indicate, only a few.
English
1*
cuck shit.
You really can't understand and appreciate this story until you read the whole thing.
You writing style really reflects that the sum of the parts is superior to the parts themselves. The parts, or chapters, are painful and confusing. Do yourself a favor and rewrite this so that it flows. In its present form it drips down upon the reader in clumps of times and places that are related but disconnected. Its like being served a meal where each food item is randomly brought to your table, without any pattern or warning. I think I will wait until the entire dinner is on the table then enjoy it as best I can, no thanks to you.
Most authors struggle to improve a weak plot and empty characters with clever plot tricks or compelling events. You have a plot and story that is pretty good, but are butchering it by dolling it out in obscure bits and pieces, with no obvious relationship between them. I suspect this story won't make much sense or be much fun to read until you are reading it for the second or third time, all the way through. Then you can say to yourself, Oh, that's why that scene or those words or that behavior was significant to the story. Wonder how many readers will invest that much time and energy. Your ratings indicate, only a few.
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