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A nice story
But I would have liked a little more developement of the characters first. WHO are these people?
Excellent story line! There was only one problem.
You did well with the story line, and I enjoyed the fact that you didn't waste too much time "puttering around" with the pre-scene story. My only problem was this: You made the sex sound very crass with the terminology you used to describe her body (such as "ripe berries," or "the nut of her clitoris," I mean, this really calls up some odd thoughts and images). If seems like this was an unrevised version of the story, without any real polishing work done on it.
Like I said, though, that was an excellent sequence, and you seem to have a gift. Just work on making the story flow easily by using more "reader friendly" words, that speak directly to the senses of the reader, and you just may be able to move into the "big time."
Thanks,
Doros
Totally awsome!!!
Wow that was a totaly awsome story
i only wish mine could have been as special as that
The Story
awesome
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