and yet, if this story has 20 chapters, the asshole of lIt, dear annony, will read every fucking one of them and botch about each one.
by
Anonymous02/06/17
Awful.
I almost stopped reading after the second paragraph, and I probably should have. I hoped there was a chance that it would get better, but that was clearly not the case.
by
Anonymous02/06/17
Your First Story
The story line is a good idea.
The physical descriptions are not realistic and detract from the story.
As others said, get an editor.
But, having said that, the only way we become better writers is to keep writing. I look forward to reading your next chapter.
by
Anonymous02/06/17
This is so bad.....
"Too be continued"?? Is that a threat or a warning because your first edition is terrible. It makes me wonder if a high school kid wrote this story with all its grammatical errors and teen fantasies.
Yes it was my first story after all the responses of negativity i got, it probably will by my last thank you very much. Sry for those that would like to see more chapters... you can thank the people that posted negative
Did you ever consider the possibility that the "negative" comments were right on? If you want readers to like your stories, you have to put real effort into them, and the includes getting spelling, word choice, and grammar at least reasonable close to right. And it also includes avoiding cliches like 10-inch dicks and huge tits.
Stories written in haste with no attention to these, and the other details that make a story worth reading, will always get "negative" comments--because they deserve them.
Yes it could have been. I wasn't simply because you don't understand the writing process and perhaps the English language. Don't give up. Just get a hold of an editor that you can work with and have him or her help you polish your work.
I have ahunch this was a good premise and could have been a top story. Hang in there, get some help and give us more.
by
Anonymous02/07/17
10 inches x 2 1/2 inches around
I'm 9 1/2 inches and 7 3/4 inches around...pencil dick. You need to learn the difference between diameter and circumference. A 2 1/2 inch "around" dick would have a circumference of a little over 3/4 of an inch. Thus, pencil dick.
by
Anonymous02/07/17
Re 10 inches x 2 1/2 inches around
Sounds like u have the small dick and you are jumping all over the new guy just to make yourself feel better.
by
Anonymous02/07/17
Where to start?
The concept was ok, but you seem to thrill in embellishing, 42D, hell I wear a 42 jacket. Then there's Moxie, have you ever tasted it? It was a carbonated medicinal product that tastes like you licked a dirty ashtray. It's what you'd serve to get people to quit drinking, what a waste of JD. I had to quit after "master baiting".
English
Good start.
I hope you continue this story.
Made my cock Hard
Can't wait for chapter 2
Very nice story
Can't wait for more chapters
More please.
I'd like to see more chapters in this.
5
and yet, if this story has 20 chapters, the asshole of lIt, dear annony, will read every fucking one of them and botch about each one.
Awful.
I almost stopped reading after the second paragraph, and I probably should have. I hoped there was a chance that it would get better, but that was clearly not the case.
Your First Story
The story line is a good idea.
The physical descriptions are not realistic and detract from the story.
As others said, get an editor.
But, having said that, the only way we become better writers is to keep writing. I look forward to reading your next chapter.
This is so bad.....
"Too be continued"?? Is that a threat or a warning because your first edition is terrible. It makes me wonder if a high school kid wrote this story with all its grammatical errors and teen fantasies.
First story
Yes it was my first story after all the responses of negativity i got, it probably will by my last thank you very much. Sry for those that would like to see more chapters... you can thank the people that posted negative
Did you ever consider...
Did you ever consider the possibility that the "negative" comments were right on? If you want readers to like your stories, you have to put real effort into them, and the includes getting spelling, word choice, and grammar at least reasonable close to right. And it also includes avoiding cliches like 10-inch dicks and huge tits.
Stories written in haste with no attention to these, and the other details that make a story worth reading, will always get "negative" comments--because they deserve them.
Could have been a good story
Yes it could have been. I wasn't simply because you don't understand the writing process and perhaps the English language. Don't give up. Just get a hold of an editor that you can work with and have him or her help you polish your work.
I have ahunch this was a good premise and could have been a top story. Hang in there, get some help and give us more.
10 inches x 2 1/2 inches around
I'm 9 1/2 inches and 7 3/4 inches around...pencil dick. You need to learn the difference between diameter and circumference. A 2 1/2 inch "around" dick would have a circumference of a little over 3/4 of an inch. Thus, pencil dick.
Re 10 inches x 2 1/2 inches around
Sounds like u have the small dick and you are jumping all over the new guy just to make yourself feel better.
Where to start?
The concept was ok, but you seem to thrill in embellishing, 42D, hell I wear a 42 jacket. Then there's Moxie, have you ever tasted it? It was a carbonated medicinal product that tastes like you licked a dirty ashtray. It's what you'd serve to get people to quit drinking, what a waste of JD. I had to quit after "master baiting".
Next chapter
Good intro and start, looking forward to the next chapter
Re: Where to start
Yes I have tasted Moxie and I like it. That how I drink my JD. It looks like u read the story most of the way if u got 2 the mastbaiting part....lol
More please !!
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