All Comments on 'The New Girl'

Very good and logical development. Much better than usual rushed stories.

Much more detail need to rushed to the going to bed

There are a few things about this that suggest that this may be an adaptation of someone else's work, rather than a wholly origiinal story, however, that is between you and your conscience....

"She let out a sharp cry as blood trickled down my cock, I had torn her hymen."

So in other words not only did the hymen tear, but also the vaginal wall. The hymen doesn't have much blood. I wouldn't want to be her.

… but you need to even out the pace. The long buildup is very nice, but is exaggerated with "a few months" passing several times—that's just not credible with two young people so obviously attracted to each other. A few hours, a few days, but no longer.

The other thing I found rather irritating was your imprecise use of language and your idiosyncratic punctuation. Try re-reading your stories aloud, and note where breaths and pauses fall naturally. That will give you an indication of the placement of commas, breaks of sentences, and so on.

But I did indeed like it, and look forward to more experiments in the form!

Its actually feels real , can u post a part 2 with what happened next

Where is part 2?