OK the general idea is, but it was far too rushed, you need to take longer and describe in more detail. Please keep writing and you will surely find the way.
by
Anonymous02/16/17
fill in the details.. tell us what the characters look like and so on.. slow down the sex.. there's no way he wouldn't want to taste her after dreaming for 30 years. This story should continue and i look forward to reading it when it does.
by
Anonymous02/17/17
I did not read more than a few lines of this story. I agree with the other comments. Pull this story back an d revise it. Get an editor to help you. There is some worthy material here, but give it room to breath.
Thanks for the comments. I think I shall let it stand as is. There in all likelihood will be a follow up or additional stories. As a first time submission, I agree, it could have been a bit more polished but I enjoy the read as is. Thanks again.
I agree that it may need more. Given that it is a good stand alone story. Forget about the anons who will not identify themselves. The biggest thing I think it needs is more explanation as to her looks and more about her confronting him as to who cut her shirts. Also if she knew how he felt then she should have done something about it sooner. Basically not bad for your first time.
English
needs more
it definitely needs more detail to this story.
Very basic . . .
OK the general idea is, but it was far too rushed, you need to take longer and describe in more detail. Please keep writing and you will surely find the way.
fill in the details.. tell us what the characters look like and so on.. slow down the sex.. there's no way he wouldn't want to taste her after dreaming for 30 years. This story should continue and i look forward to reading it when it does.
I did not read more than a few lines of this story. I agree with the other comments. Pull this story back an d revise it. Get an editor to help you. There is some worthy material here, but give it room to breath.
follow up
Thanks for the comments. I think I shall let it stand as is. There in all likelihood will be a follow up or additional stories. As a first time submission, I agree, it could have been a bit more polished but I enjoy the read as is. Thanks again.
I agree that it may need more. Given that it is a good stand alone story. Forget about the anons who will not identify themselves. The biggest thing I think it needs is more explanation as to her looks and more about her confronting him as to who cut her shirts. Also if she knew how he felt then she should have done something about it sooner. Basically not bad for your first time.
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