Your comments always seem sooo predictable, lol. But always welcome.
To lie, that is, to recline: lie, lay, lain are the principal parts.
She lay on the sofa, she had lain on the sofa
To lay, that is, to place (upon sth.): Lay, laid, laid are the principal parts
She laid the jodhpurs down, she had laid them there for a purpose.
there are other things, dangling modifiers and whatnot, which an editor would have caught.
I like the spare plot, which is silly but fun.
I certainly enjoyed this particular story the ending was witty and the plot was thick I fell however that it needed a bit more imagery in order to make the reader feel dreamchilds anguish. As for the previous comment true storytelling has no bounderies of grammar only emotion and words
imaginative and suspenseful...you have a way with the gore that's quite visual. Great job
totally sick. I'm not sure if i liked it or not.
The ending made me very sad; how could she do that to poor Sarina? Other than that, amazing story, loved the horror of it.
She silently suffers and then speaks out against her tortuer. Intruging, the puppet strikes back. If she undergoes surgery why doesn't she ask for her nerve reciption back too? She has the money and dear daddy's notes. Of course you had to ruin the whole thing! She was the victim and according to her, dear daddy took away her innocence. Okay I get that, but she still does have a soul even if her body is a fuck machine. You have her accuse him of mutilating HER body? When she not only shows no empathy or compassion for her slave whatsoever, when she is the only one who cares about her. To be frank she is insane! To be robbed of her pleasures and take that away from her only friend for her own benefit! The bloody fuck machine! She takes exactly after her dear daddy! She could have taken the clit from someone other than her slave... o_O What kind of a souless monster are you? Of course you probaly think you did well after that insult. She still is human not android, couldn't you have had her spare her companion? She should now die, because she is just like that damn father of hers, hurting those who care. And that slave... I don't believe she's human, NO ONE, I repeat NO ONE would allow that so willingly, unless they take a vow of celibacy and no more bodily pleasures. but thats a 1% of the population in total. Did she threaten her poor server? They're all going to hell! hwhahahahahmuhahhwhahwhaheeheeheheheh!
Great story... loved reading it... the only thing i was dissapointed about that the lack of descriptions... I personally think it could have been elaborated on in certain parts which just would have added to the already fantastic story... :)
i hated reading the beginning and i hated reading the ending too. but the story wouldnt be good if i didnt hate it.
beautiful job. its taken me a while to realize that feeling intense hatred toward a story can be a breath of fresh air.
the cycle must go on. maybe a second chapter? i would love to read another.
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