All Comments on 'Return'

Well done story, kept my interest all the way through.

Write more, you have talent:)

Hate to say it, but I keep on getting distracted from the story by typos, word choice, and the fact that every character has the same voice - the boxer, the widows (both Welsh and Londoner) the parents.

Keep writing, I'll keep reading.

As someone told me on one of my stories, the basic voice is there.

Keep practicing, but find an editor...or two or three, so you get differing feedback.

Your grammar was not too bad, generally, but there were missing words and similar proofreading issues that are difficult for one self-editing to pick up. Trust me on that, I know.

4* for this initial effort, would have been 5 with some better editing.

Enjoyed this feel good story

Liked this story a lot but as already said a few tyos and unlikely non-involvement of authories let it down. I kept waiting for social services, the hospital authorities and the police to get involved a lot earlier given the stolen child, fraudulent registration of birth and adoptioN sub-plot.

BTW when it came to police involvement, in the UK people get 'cautioned' not 'read their Miranda rights.

Despite this good story and look forward to seeing more.

Great story...

Waverunner

First off, a middleweight boxer limit is 160 pounds. There is way a guy who is 7 foot 2 inches weighs 160 pounds!

Why would Charlie's maternal grandfather place his grandson with Charlie's drug dealing uncle? He would have of found a loving family for his grandson. He didn't hate his grandson. He hated his son-in-law. Why would the grandfather prevent his own wife from seeing their only grandson! The author really messed up this storyline.

I am only two pages into this story, and I cannot make myself read any more of it. From a grammatical standpoint, it is an unmitigated disaster, rife with comma splices, run-on sentences, dangling participles, apostrophe errors, and tense changes. If the author doesn’t care enough about his story to have it proof-read and corrected by someone who has the ability to pass a fifth grade grammar class, I’m not going to waste my time reading it, nor will I bother attempting to read any of his other submissions.

The grandfather would never give his grandson away to a scumbag like Gary. The grandfather was rich so he would have hired a full time nanny and set them up in their own flat. The story has too many plot for a 7 page short story. None these plots are fully developed in the story. Please give up writing!