The Family Man

Thank you!

Amazing story, great flow and fun to read.

5 well deserved stars!

BRAVO!!

DreamCloud, It took me a while to follow your storyline, but I loved it! This wasn't a home run, it was a GRAND SLAM!! Thank you for being able to read your amazing stories. I really hope you figure out how to write the epic story you have had in your head for a few years.

Yet another 5 stars from DC

I gotta wonder, where do you come up with these ideas? Great twist, interesting, and suspenseful. The first time jump was a little confusing at first, but it made more sense as I went along. I also got a little confused when Quentin showed concern for Natalie in the end, and I felt the next time jump didn't justify it as well as it could have.
I must say though, this could be Hollywood stuff - it seems like the plotline of a blockbuster action movie more than a user-post on an online erotic story site. Quality work, DC, and five stars as usual.

Seriously?

I'm constantly amazed how you manage to make consistently fantastic stories. I have read every single story, and loved every one. There is not another author on this site that I can say that about. You should be published. *****

Great story

This deserves to be regarded as a classic. Wonderful story, masterfully told.

DreamCloud, you did it again!

Just perfect.
You are my favorite author as well as your works.
This is not a compliment, it is a reality.
I enjoyed reading this story, I laughed, I felt afraid (especially at the beginning of the story), I felt the suspense, the love, the revenge, the forgiveness ..., and especially the sacrifice of some mothers to save their children.
I laughed a lot with the end of the story, there is a clear reference to Teagan (The Link).
On the one hand, Hollywood is losing the best screenwriter, on the other hand, I'm afraid that Hollywood will find it and we are the ones who lose the best author of Lit.
I wondered why it took so long to re-publish a story, it was clear ..., the great stories are waiting, it's like good wine, it gets mature.
You will always be my favorite author (and I still have a story of you still to read).
I regret that this site does not allow more than 5 *, there would not be enough in the sky for you.
My heartfelt congratulations, not only a great story, is well written, keeps the interest of the reader continuously and makes feel all kinds of feelings.
Great DreamCloud!

I apologize for my English (yet and forever), isn't my native language.

5 stars

Bravo....

Masterfully Done.

DreamCloud,
I never comment and only rate a story when it truly deserves the rating. This story is one of your best. Thank you for sharing your talent with us.

Word

Provenance.

And I nearly missed it

Superb!

A Stolen Story, But Very Well Done

This is clearly the "Highlander" plot with a few wrinkles. Perhaps mimicking is the most sincere form of flattery as the composers of the early classical era thought. Stealing a tune was considered a complement and perhaps the author of the Highlander series will feel the same.
The only problem I had with the tale was that it took half the text to get into the SF mode. I thought it was going to be a conventional story about a recluse (Eric) who had been burned somehow and was going to be reformed by the love of a caring and beautiful mother. Insteead we shifted surprisingly to fantasy and went back to Roman times and immmortal people. I have to admit I loved the Highlander series and was very unhappy when it was discontinued. We miss you Connor McCloud!
This tale was well put together although I'd have to go through it again to get the reference to Jake and Maria being Aglia's children and thus Maria was Eric's grandchild???? I thought all of Aglia's children had been killed by Quentin??
I thoroughly enjoyed it even though the 16 pages was daunting to start with. 5*

Outstanding

5 stars . Really good work. Sad that have to wait a couple of months for a new one !

Question

Is Emma, Natalie's and Eric's child? I give this 5 stars. Many of my favorite stories are from this author. M.P. you rock.

Nice

As always.
You got your male characters mixed up in Ch12. And a lawyer acting for a client is "counsel" not "council."

Provenance.

Not providence. A couple other minor editorial quibbles, but still an excellent story, as usual.

Hints of "Forever, U.S"

As usual well written, with a nice regard for grammar. As someone pointed out, a couple of spelling and usage errors, but entirely forgiveable in an engrossing tale like this.
I don't know about "Highlander" as I've never seen it, but to me, there were hints of that excellent TV series "Forever, U.S." , also about an immortal, but so sadly cancelled by the network after a truly great 22 episodes.

Great

I really enjoyed this story. My only complaint is that it should be under Science Fiction-Fantasy. 5 stars.

Boyd Percy

Birthday surprise

Twas an unexpected, yet pleasant surprise to read another excellent, new story from your good self on today of all days. Nice present for me. Well done Bonny Lad!

I left work early just so I could read this story, and I regret nothing. Absolutely fantastic! Thank you for another wonderful tale, Dreamcloud. I'm glad you stuck with this story and finished it. It deserved to be told.

Another great read

You continue to turn out quality work, thank you for all this.

I dont know how to report that the android app of this story ends about half-way on page one! I got so excited to see another title by DreamCloud! Still trying to read this story...

Guns

Good as always, but Glocks don't have an external safety. ;)

I guess you could say it was a love story for the ages

and it would be half right. Half on Eric's side.
The story kept my attention, was entertaining, and had some serious drama and conflict.

But, I think I need some help with one thread of the plot line. It was, by his oath to his mother, the mission of Quentin to kill Aigla and her children. We saw Aigla at his hand in the presence of Marcius. That part was accomplished. We learn that through the centuries Quentin and Marcius have fought many times, even to the death (briefly but not permanently). Jump forward to today and we are told that both Jake and Maria are children of Aigla and Quentin is still hunting the descendants and killing them in the presence of Marcius. Did he not kill all 4 of her children during his trip to Rome when he killed Aigla? Or did he diabolically always leave one so there would be another generation? Another opportunity to make Marcius suffer? If Quentin and Marcius had not confronted each other in nearly 100 years would there not be several generations and many more in the line of Aigla?
One last question. If Marcius/Eric had killed Quentin several times during the centuries, why didn't he borrow one more element from Highlander and behead him?

re: Question by anonymous

Is Emma, Natalie's and Eric's child?

I may be wrong, but I believe Emma is Maria's daughter.
""What's wrong, Grandma?" Emma asked."

I detest writers who use THRU instead of THROUGH. Just because some dimwit added THRU to the dictionary doesn't mean it should be used in a STORY. I mean you can't be that lazy with 14 page story that you can't type the right through. No score since I stopped at the first thru.

Great. Thanks for sharing this story.

Heartwarming read

Thank you so much for your work, and the love you put into your stories. While not a substitute for real life, I have to remind myself, it is truly great to lose one's self in a great tale. Others may have commented that toward the end, while the transitions may have been purposefully done, it was a bit tricky to figure out and assume which children were from whom and such. Also much earlier in the story, you seem to mix up Jake and Eric's name several times while Natalie is pondering her burgeoning love and being thankful that Jake was getting better.
I was a little unnerved that the person Natalie would end up falling in love with was the helper of Jake, but I thought you handled that potentially awkward situation pretty well. Depending on whose perspective is being told and the genuine feelings of others, sometimes people have trouble with love moving on, I know I often do. It is a bit odd that Eric fell in love with the wife of one his great great... - grandchildren but I guess that just keeps him close to the family in this case. Again thank you, and I look forward to reading more of your work.

Really?

She died of a heroine overdose? Two stars.

Wow

I really liked this story, even with the mixup in the names and such. The twists you threw in were completely unexpected yet appreciated as they were better explained. I look forward to reading more of your work!

Well done!

This is high level writing and storytelling for an amateur site. Thank-you for sharing all your hard work with us.

4stars

Good story, but needs editing.

Thank you - Stunning!

Thank you for coming back to Lit and sharing with us...for free!

Love your writing, enjoy the journeys.

Hit all the right spots!

All the best.

C

Thanks

You've told quite a tale and the previous commenter was right in saying it could use an edit. Still well worth the 5 stars.

Another great story!

Thank you, reading your stories is a great way to spend ones time.

Was able to finish reading this story! 5 stars! Excellent writing and story plot! My reading of the story, is that Quentin killed Aiglia, then Marcius was able to quit the senate, scatter and hide their adult married kids. Quentin admits to Natalie that he never thought to hire a PI, thus inferring that Quentin had to do his onw detective work. Which would allow time for kids to grow, marry, and have more kids. Great story and barely was able to put it down long enough to go to work to earn a living!

Just, wow!

A wonderful story, well told. I didn't see the ending coming until quite late, but it fit wonderfully with everything that had come before.

A couple have commented on the need for editing. I saw three or four places where the wrong man's name was used (Eric when you meant Jake and vice versa) and a few misspellings. But that was all and they were relatively few for such a long story.

Again, wow, and thank you.

wrong category

and I do not like fucking sci fuckin' fi 1* just to vote

As always...setting the standard!

Extremely well done!