All Comments on 'In-Fucking-Sane Ch. 03'

I hope part 4 cums soon!

You have one of the best series I have seen here, and you're apologizing? Dude, there's nothing to apologize for. This is awesome. You even surprised me. I had hoped the sisters got together but was thinking it wasn't gonna happen. That this was some more inlaw pseudoincest. Great story with a plot twist? Once again, awesome!

A little more directly, as if she were saying it would work fine. You didn't need to have it set aside with the "So, now I relay Ann’s story" break; you already set the scene for Ann to tell her story sufficiently. That's like pointing to a chair and then saying, "That's for sitting on."

Now you can use that sort of thing as a warning if you are going to change perspective - but those can be jarring if not done right. IMHO, it's better to keep the story conversation flowing. You have the two main characters together in the same room sharing personal, intimate experiences, in first-person narrative. Keep the conversation going from that perspective. With third person, you can pose questions, reveal more information to the reader than what the speaker is willing to let the other person to know. That's the strength of that perspective over first person. First person, though, is supposed to limit things to what the character is reasonably expected to know or experience; you're asking the reader to experience the story as if he or she *were* the character. Changing perspective forces the reader to stop and make an adjustment; and can affect other parts of the story, such as momentum and suspension of disbelief. It may be easy for one reader to do that - a second if that much. But it affects the reader's immersion into the story, and some may not recover as well.

Your notes at the end strike me as a bit odd, though. The first paragraph is almost a non-sequitur. While yes, the author might not talk like that personally (I wouldn't normally assume such), but as it's his story, it's his voice; he's the author. (You don't give a gender in your bio, so I'm presuming here.)

You, as the writer, pick the mood with words and scenes; you determine what the characters say and do. Own it. The voice presumably will change for the next tale you write, unless you plan to recycle the story while only changing the names? And if the story isn't going where you want it, go back to where you are having difficulty and try again. Rewrite as many times as you need to until you are satisfied. Even solicit opinions if want. Sometimes stories try to go off on their own tangents, but you have ultimate control; that sort of thing happens when the characters seem real in your mind and sort take on a life of their own. In the end, though, it's your story. Your voice.

Second paragraph is an interesting comment on Ann. So, yeah. Does Ann have other motives other than relaying a past experience? He shared one, so she felt the need to share one. So maybe here you, as the author, need to decide what Ann's goal is. It could be just a confession. It could also be that she's feeling neglected, horny, whatever, and is open to a three-some if he is willing to suggest it to Jen.

Sometimes people do that - suggest to get someone else to do it, when asking directly might be considered too confrontational, rude, or selfish. Like when someone asks, "Are you thirsty?" because they themselves are actually thirsty, but don't want to bring up their own needs first. If someone else admits to being thirsty, they can then add their own desire to quench their dry throats (and if you say no, you are supposed to ask if *they* want something to drink! And if you don't, they might stew is silence about how selfish and/or thoughtless you are).

In this case, Ann might be telling him the story to see if he's interested or intrigued by the incest-possible-threesome, and expects him to present the idea to his wife, rather than Ann asking her sister Jen directly. Ann and Jen once had an intimate shared experience, never repeated (not drunk enough? no opportunity?). Presented this way, Ann gets to test the waters to see if Jen is open to exploring that further, by having him ask - and possibly take the heat if things go south.

As a writer, if the situation isn't getting you to where you want the characters to go, re-do it.

Now the following are possibilities -- and you hinted at such by Jen's attempt to talk about their recent spike in sexual activity. Does Jen just want to share him because Ann needs it and Jen loves her sister? Is Jen is feeling a little stressed, because she knows her sister has a stronger libido -- and she wants to show her sister she knows how to take care of her man due to jealousy? Or visibly reinforcing her wifely claims to her husband in front of Ann? Or perhaps, for whatever the reason behind the sudden surge, Jen suddenly realizes her husband is enjoying the extra activity, and also realizes that her own libido is not set so high? Did Jen and/or Ann try some girl-on-girl stuff in college and liked it? If she shares him with Ann, Jen's pussy gets more rest. Or maybe something else entirely? See the possibilities?

Slainté

Perhaps having Jen start something in common room thinking Ann will be out, but she comes back early.

FS, you are an exceptional writer. Your characters are well developed (no pun intended), and the dialogue is spot on. I love that you keep the chapters short so that it is really like reading a book. The erotic content is superb, and the narrator (who seems to be nameless, which heightens the interest) speaks with perfect pitch as a man caught in an in-fucking-sane situation, and goes with the flow. And your accuracy of spelling, punctuation, and syntax is a welcome change from many of the stories here. Keep up the good work.

"Drug" is not the past tense of "drag". If your character says it, then you're setting the character in social space, which is good, but if you write it as part of the narrative, then you break the reader's willing suspension of disbelief.

Keep going, please. The characters are great and the tension is building!

Do NOT apologize. Writing is hard work, and you're doing it quite well.