This would have been a good story if you had taken the time to either edit or have it done. The grammar is off, and the punctuation is bad. You show how much you care about your story by the time you put into it. Lit has some great free editors- maybe you should try one. I think you'll be pleased at the difference.
by
Anonymous07/26/04
A good start
Stay at it, man... you've got a good idea and a good imagination. Keep writing!
I'm an honest person, brutally honest..you know this by now sweets *winks* I give you a 75, because yes, the story was hot, and a wonderful concept...but, you do still need to keep working at how you make your stories come together. As the other person stated, have someone go over your work and give you pointers. There are plenty of editors on Lit that would be more than happy to give you ideas and help you along with becoming an even better writer. You have the gift in you hon, I can see that. You just need to keep working at it! We all have room to learn and grow (I don't claim to be the best, or know what the hell I'm doing..far from it! I know I have tons of room to grow as a writer as well) I can see that you will blossom into a wonderful writer though if you keep trying. Don't quite babes! Keep at it! :-)
by
Anonymous08/16/04
sexy
baby...you know who this is..dream girl psshh
I loved it...was very sexy and it made me MORE than moist ;) only a 75 because next time I want tons and tons of detail...and I want it to be from your point of view ;)
English
Edit!!
This would have been a good story if you had taken the time to either edit or have it done. The grammar is off, and the punctuation is bad. You show how much you care about your story by the time you put into it. Lit has some great free editors- maybe you should try one. I think you'll be pleased at the difference.
A good start
Stay at it, man... you've got a good idea and a good imagination. Keep writing!
*Applauds*
GREAT story line Brian. The sex was HOT. Stay with it. Will be watching for more.
Keep at it
I'm an honest person, brutally honest..you know this by now sweets *winks* I give you a 75, because yes, the story was hot, and a wonderful concept...but, you do still need to keep working at how you make your stories come together. As the other person stated, have someone go over your work and give you pointers. There are plenty of editors on Lit that would be more than happy to give you ideas and help you along with becoming an even better writer. You have the gift in you hon, I can see that. You just need to keep working at it! We all have room to learn and grow (I don't claim to be the best, or know what the hell I'm doing..far from it! I know I have tons of room to grow as a writer as well) I can see that you will blossom into a wonderful writer though if you keep trying. Don't quite babes! Keep at it! :-)
sexy
baby...you know who this is..dream girl psshh
I loved it...was very sexy and it made me MORE than moist ;) only a 75 because next time I want tons and tons of detail...and I want it to be from your point of view ;)
so sexy
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Devon Meets Benjamin or
More submissions by lilroundman.