All Comments on 'Wife seduced Monday Night Football'

If you can't even get the season right for the sport, what's the point?

dumb cuck shit.

1* (where are the negative ratings when we need them?)

Unrealistic dumb shit

Some random guys are banging the wife. They love football.

I don't understand why guys who hate sex stories ever read them. Ignore the negativity and keep up with the writing. Lots of guy's out in the real world are lucky enough to really live this lifestyle and they are having more fun than all of the time wasters put together. A hot wife like this is one to treasure.

The writing construction, grammar and spelling all need extra care and time but don't dismay your efforts are appreciated.

too dumb to divorce a lousey wife and a bunch of rapists and sex addicted and perverted acquaintences is about as erotic as watching the boston Celtics change the oil in their travel bus.

And is not worth a single *; in fact why did I even comment?

Well, there is one swinger that enjoys reading about a willing cuckold. Maybe he's one of them creatures that doesn't give a fuck about his marriage. Ah, watching his wife getting off is what he lives for. Maybe he also cleans out her cunt with his tongue. Isn't it great to have buddies like that to help you out, eh Cucky?

Appears out of four stories posted today only one worth reading, and this isn't the one. ONE STAR

Who writes this shit. A sicko.

Maybe by idiots like you. 1*

The cuckies should be jumping up with joy. Another day that will leave tongues hanging for the willing cuckies. Ah, nothing like slurping cum out of your wife's well used cunts. Right cuckies? Is your little man standing at attention yet or your tongue hanging down to your knees?

LOL that's a good one. 1* for non-erotic drivel.

...a loving, faithful wife of 28 years (I s she that hot....really?) takes on a house full of hubby's "friends" one being a giant-cocked black, football player type. They all demean hubby and wifey suddenly changes 28 years of history and character and fucks everyone of them 'till they can't get it up, finishing with Mr. BBC coming three gallons in her pussy.

If they married at 14, she might have a black baby, but more likely she's between 48 and 50 and well past her modeling prime, even if just coming into her most promiscuous sexual self. I'm not buying that, either.

Well. Wow. Wouldn't we all like to have a whore and a BBC slut for a wife? Doesn't that make for fun fireside chats with the grandkids. Hey kids, did you know gramma loves giant black cocks in her pussy all day, every day? I'm so proud of her!

Look, OK, it's your story. It's not original, unique or even interesting in any meaningful way. So, Big Damn Deal. It isn't new or creative, it's just yours.

How nice for you.

Oh, and try again when you learn to write. Fix your problems with switching tense nearly every paragraph (just make up your damn mind if you're telling it in present tense narrative or past tense narrative or who you're directing it to). Get your technicals out of sophomore English and you'll have a better chance at a friendly readership.

Even if it was a storyline I liked, your style and technical aspects of your writing are so distracting, I would never be able to enjoy it.

No. Thank. You.

The first line os the story illustrates the problem;

"I had a few guys over for a superbowl party or Monday Night Football"

Which is it? It can't be both at once.

Several errors later you tell us the husband goes in through the sliding door as ordered and his wife has her back to him. Then we are told "I can see her there with her mouth wide open and a look of pure lust in her eyes."

If she is facing away from hubby, how is he able to see the lust in her eyes?

I know these m,ay seem to be minor items, but they distract, in this case fatally, from allowing the story to carry the reader along.

I think Literotica should add a new category "Cucholds". That would free up Loving Wives cat. for better stories. It would also give the writers and people who like to read the constant big black cocks vs small white dicks and the humiliation that is always part of the story a place to go directly.

I guess the people who like that including the writers don't realize that a lot if not most of us do not like it including videos. Nothing sexy or erotic about it, just want to vomit.

If you are going for the random moran retelling a spectacular awesome story of humiliation and STI sharing, then well done. If that isn't what you're going for, you've failed.

# 1

And you do too.

par·a·graph

ˈperəˌɡraf/

noun

1.

a distinct section of a piece of writing, usually dealing with a single theme and indicated by a new line, indentation, or numbering.

synonyms: section, subdivision, part, subsection, division, portion, segment, passage.

Need a Burn the bitch category.Readers who get off to punish and humilate women need their own sick site so they can enjoy one anothers guilt as they yell with glee how that got that bitch good..How sexy is that???

1*

written as if the reader was the dude with the huge dick. i dont think i have seen this done before. Still garnered a lot of hate though

I see this is your first submission, and I guess you’d like some constructive comments; you sure need them. First of all, you’re writing in 2nd person—an almost always no-no, especially for a new writer. Then you use no dialogue, ignoring all that dialogue can add to a story.

(Ex. I sneak inside the door. (you don’t need quietly, sneak already says that.)

“I’ve never seen a cock that big or thick,” she says. I’m in shock, I never heard her use the word cock before.

He pushes his cock closer and she takes it into her mouth. Her eyes bug open and she pulls back saying, “I can’t—I’m married.

“That’s okay,” one of the guys said. “Almost every man has fantasies of seeing their wife with another man.”

“Not mine! Besides, that cock is too big—it’d stretch me so much my husband would be sure to know.”

“Well, it was easy to get you naked,” the black guy reminded her.

“I…I just can’t. I respect my husband too much….”)

That’s just one way it could be done; I hope you get the idea. Another important point—unless you are writing in 3rd person omnipotent POV, your narrator can’t know anything he doesn’t see or is told. Here, the husband can’t possibly know what the wife is thinking—only what she says or does.

If I continue, my comments will be as long as your story, but I do want to add one last point. In every ‘good’ story you have to set the scene. For instance, you have the wife warning hubby to be careful what he wishes for. When did he wish for her to share her pussy with others? That’s the kind of info that adds depth to a story.

Spend a lot of time in Writer’s Resources here on Lit. Good luck and don't get discouraged. You have a lot of rough talent, even if this is a story I can't sink my teeth into. Looking forward to your next story.

Don't do that again. And he doesn't have a "hot" wife. He has a cheating slut wife whose cunt is now a festering swamp of diseases. And if these guys are your friends you need all new friends. He should be telling all their wives and girlfriends what happened just to share the pain. Bad story telling, a much used plot line and nothing clever or entertaining in the telling.

1 star

Don't let all the naysayers keep you from continuing to write. You had a good story idea and there are probably more waiting to be let out. Many readers, like me, could not create an original story on our own if you handed us a million $ and I would bet most of the trolls who can only beat down your efforts are in that group. Hope to see more stories from you. Good luck.

You suck at this one.

Why is it that multiple men and one woman stories just degenerate into a rutting fest, the men usually have the mindset that she is not human and therefore treat her like a slab of meat, its all take and no give. On the other hand multiple women and one man is generally more sexy, erotic with a lot of sharing and caring, they treat the man like a human being with feelings and emotions. Just my take on group sex, where this should have been submitted.

You have friends over to watch the game and they decide to take advantage of your wife and saying that she wanted it. And you just watch!

I read a story just like this one and I'm sure you did too. The big clue you were copying it was when you started by saying it was a super bowl part or Monday Night Football. You don't remember? The original story was about a super bowl party and it was much better written. Mozart said it's okay to copy as long as you improve on the original. You didn't so you get one star.

Needs an intro. Start slow, build up. Needs character building. This perspective does not allow that. It needs a reason for having sex. Lost a bet, etc.

I would rather risk life in prison for killing the four of them before I allowed that. She's a lowlife whore cunt pig and those are his friends they are no better

What I would give to watch my wife get ganged as I watch exspclay sandwiched

Vying for the all time low score? You can probably beat out Swinger Joe.

Second Person should be reserved for manuals, choose your own adventure books , video games, and letters.

It rarely works in any other situation. First person is better to draw the reader in and make them feel like they are part of the story. Third person is good for overall picture.

If you must do second person think of who the reader wants to be. If they are in this category odds are they don't want to be one of 4 dicks banging some guy's wife. And if they do odds are they want to here from the wife not the husband.

There are 2 camps here, for the most part. Those that like cuckold g stories and those that like burn the birch stories. In both instances you want them identifying with the husband. So if you must do second d person you need someone else to refer to the husband as you.

But just go first person husband's pov.

Next develop the characters. The wife is naked and surrounded big dicks before we know a thing about her. Is she shy, conservative, flirtatious, doesn't have a clue, had a wild past, etc.

Finally, Monday night football or the super bowl? Does the re militant of the texts not know? Is he living I. Alaska because he just needs to open his eyes while outside to narrow it down to one or the other.

If you continue you may want to get someone to edit for you.

Dont u think its time to put these shitty stories in their own category? "Like i have no self respect so i need constant over the top humiliation" or "im so hurt i think every woman is a cum slut so i can feel better about my pathetic self"?

The very negative comments by some "Anonymous" are incredibly stupid. If you do not like this kind of stories why in the hell are you reading them? It proves that you are a brainless idiot, who should go back to Sunday school and go to church and ask forgiveness as you have read these stories or for even entering this website, you moron,

So anon, did you like the story. I couldn't really tell, since all you did was rave and rant your ass off worrying about what others had to say. At least they voiced an opinion of the story, what did you voice?

Actually maybe you're a pervert after all, is that why you ranted about others. They hurt your little feelings. Awww, so sorry, your little tiny brain got over loaded. Fuck off.

Tags said it all, don't need to read this to know it's trash.

This slut wife has cuckolded him, and he has accepted it his brains is in his cock end wait until all the blacks come a visiting as promised he'll be redundant. The only sex he'll get is wanking himself off.

Part 2 where after the fifth time with the guys she finds out she is pregnant possibly with a black baby. Hubby can’t accept it, divorce occurs, she moves in with the black monster cock. Baby is born surprise it’s not only white but hubbies. She wants to come home but wants mr. monster black cock a couple times a week. Can hubby accept that? He is reluctant but wants to be with his child, both he and mr. black monster cock would dual it out to see who gets her pregnant the second time.

Typical bottom feeder bait. Timriv, I always enjoy your inane (means stupid) comments, but don't you mean they can duel over her instead of dual(means two)?

Damn it, Timriv! Don't get high, jack off to cuck porn then post - it makes you look like an even greater fool than you actually are!!

This story was simply awful, though

What I don't understand is why people read sex stories if they don't like it. You don't like you dont read. Period. The story was good. Haters gonna hate.

I had no idea I was submitting for a writers critique, I just thought people might just enjoy a sex story. I was already aware that I am not a professional writer. I was just trying to share some hot thoughts.....oh well.

Awesome story!!! she seems to enjoy it,, your both committed now!!! Great Job

To the writer there is nothing hot about a cheating slut and a dickless husband she's a cheating slut her and all her lovers deserve to die the husband is a dickless husband a pussy ass cuck bitch so he also deserves to die write a epilogue saying how they all fucking die like they deserve