Chekhov said something like you shouldn't have a gun on the wall in the first act unless it's going to go off in the third. He didn't know what irrelevant distraction was until he read this astonishing story, however.
Nothing new or original here. Just an attemp at an x-rated version of "Charmed". Catrina and Catherine??? Catrina is the Russian form of Catherine. Your grammar isn't any better than your imagination. "Lusciously green lawn"...'lusciously' is an adverb...you need the adjective 'luscious' here. "As if it was"...NOOOO! "As if it WERE"!!! Story line is jumbled and confused: Cassandra's grandmother dies in paragraph 1; Serena, who enters with no introduction, is also a grandmother, but she is killed by a demon in paragraph 2; the mother, whose name remains a mystery, dies in P.1, but in P.2 she is murdered; they "destroyed the demon and began using their powers for good" implies that up to this point they used their powers for evil; "That early evening in February"...which early evening, this is the only evening mentioned in your story. You need to have some character development to help your readers get to know them. Besides the usual info of age, physical description and hometown, give them an identity...what do they like: music, food, people, clothes. Give them emotion. Bring them to life. There's a lot more to good erotic writing than just "Once upon a time there were these three sisters, who were also witches. Then they fucked. The end.".
The descriptions of the sex scenes was pretty good, but that's about it. Don't give up, just work on giving your stories more depth.
by
Anonymous03/04/11
A Cheap Seductive Ripoff Of Charmed
this is just a cheap rip off of the tv series Charmed....Come on three sisters living in a manor for 5 years and they didnt date because there were rumors of them being withces.....come up with an original idea.
English
WTF!?
Chekhov said something like you shouldn't have a gun on the wall in the first act unless it's going to go off in the third. He didn't know what irrelevant distraction was until he read this astonishing story, however.
Not Bad
I give it a 50 due to imagination.
Charmed Goes Porn
Nothing new or original here. Just an attemp at an x-rated version of "Charmed". Catrina and Catherine??? Catrina is the Russian form of Catherine. Your grammar isn't any better than your imagination. "Lusciously green lawn"...'lusciously' is an adverb...you need the adjective 'luscious' here. "As if it was"...NOOOO! "As if it WERE"!!! Story line is jumbled and confused: Cassandra's grandmother dies in paragraph 1; Serena, who enters with no introduction, is also a grandmother, but she is killed by a demon in paragraph 2; the mother, whose name remains a mystery, dies in P.1, but in P.2 she is murdered; they "destroyed the demon and began using their powers for good" implies that up to this point they used their powers for evil; "That early evening in February"...which early evening, this is the only evening mentioned in your story. You need to have some character development to help your readers get to know them. Besides the usual info of age, physical description and hometown, give them an identity...what do they like: music, food, people, clothes. Give them emotion. Bring them to life. There's a lot more to good erotic writing than just "Once upon a time there were these three sisters, who were also witches. Then they fucked. The end.".
Why Asshole licking???
I cannot concieve of why anyone would want to lick fecal mattler out of someone's rectum
I can't concieve of wanting that tongue in my mouth or my pussy after it has been in someone's rectum
huh?
You've never has your ass rimmed?(or is the word reamed?)
Shit I'm wet just thinking of giving/receiving!!!!!!
Oh God.... I have to read this story now!!!! I need to get offffffffffff
Why bother?
Extraordinarily bad -- no plot, no character development, no attempt at realism or at developing a story. Sorry, but this just isn't any good.
Nothing "Charming" About It
The descriptions of the sex scenes was pretty good, but that's about it. Don't give up, just work on giving your stories more depth.
A Cheap Seductive Ripoff Of Charmed
this is just a cheap rip off of the tv series Charmed....Come on three sisters living in a manor for 5 years and they didnt date because there were rumors of them being withces.....come up with an original idea.
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