All Comments on 'Cost of a Glimpse'

PLZ make an alternative ending. This was way sad

Who complimented himself on his values, his conduct, his 'humanity'. But who was the one who really killed the relationship? His 'perfect' memory and ability to paint away from the subject? His lack of emotion. His detailed planning. His faked 'death' with no thought of potential emotional harm. Autism spectrum perhaps? Interesting premise and well constructed as a mind journey. This type of tale, imho, needs to be told via the Ulysses method. No punctuation, no capitalisation, no paragraphs. Spelling needs to be checked though as there were too many 'your' not 'you're'. Still a well told tale that deserves a 4.

Well done. Thank you for sharing

You said in the beginning that you don't do BTB stories so I read on..You did just that by using a character that was heartless and spineless.I hope his character doesn't resemble yours in any way.They say that more often than not, a writers characters will show resemblance of many of his own characters.I believe I've seen that quite often.. I don't know what great philosipher you have studied but there is non I know with such a gravel cold heart and lack of concern for anyone elses feelings here.Even his parents had to know how cold hearted he was and through self reflection bore great pain knowing he was a coward....Please do an alternative ending .Death if ones marriage should never lead to the death of ones soul..I had two cheating wives, forgave them and understand that no matter what, it takes two to mess up the marriage..Somewhere along the line he became of less interest to her than cheating...Why? He must have some culpability

Perhaps the saddest male fantasy is: "She can't live without me"

Sorry Charlie, she was already having sex without her husband, she was already displaying public affection for her lover, she really did not care that much. In fact, her flaunting it makes it more likely an exit affair than anything else. Nope, she could easily live without him and would likely have gone after ALL his money!

My problem with the plot is that it, and many other's like it cheat! It defies logic and reasoning. One explanation was that she was mentally ill. If so, understand what that means and write about it. Write about how fucked up a person with a severe personality really is. Write about how they ALWAYS had this disorder and it worsening over the years. Write about the husband NOT being upset about finding his wife cheating on him, but relieved that he now had an excuse to divorce her - this is more common and more likely. Loving wives simply do not cheat by definition, what she had for him was not love of him, maybe it was desire to be married. Maybe it was desire to be married to her childhood sweetheart, to a successful artist. In her late 30's and no desire to have her husband's kids? Not normal. This story really should have been about her mental illness. His isolation with her, and his escape from her sick influence.

Conclusion has to be that he's nuts also. Could see that happening. Can't see the parents going along with it (they're not nuts, c'mon) you got the bleak part down good though.

If you want to ascribe and accept part of the blame for two wives cheating on you and divorces followed, that is your right. You know yourself better than anyone else.

However, to state all husbands are as responsible as the cheating wife is a psychoanalytic fallacy.

Numerous wives cheat just to cheat. I have assembled a dozen case histories from my counseling practice in which the wives admit their husband's did nothing wrong-did everything right. The wives cheated because that was what they did for fun.

In Three Forks, Montana three such wives formed a ''club''

Actively introducing each other to potential lovers that were friends of their current lover. Numerous getaway trips with the girls were used as cover for each meeting up with their lovers at same resort

While it didn't have a happy ending for anyone involved - it was a great tale of tragedy and consequence. Was there more than one victim - obviously; was there more than one villain - again obviously; there were no winners only losers. And they lost in the most painful way, death.

5/5 for a true tale of pain

Everyone pays because of the cheating, sad though that the wife stealing bastard seems to have paid the least amount in this story of life and death. I would hope that the husband would come to realize that he would be foolish to blame himself for the actions of his cheating slut of a wife and her lover. Better to try and put the past behind him and build a new and better life.

"don't even bother filing a sexual harassment report against Eric. Everyone knows that if Eric is talking to a woman, that there's only two subjects. Work or pussy"

You do realize that statement makes no sense, right? The fact that he hits on everyone would be a serious problem. If you were his employer, in order to avoid a major law suit, you would need to talk to him and if his behavior did not change you would have to let him go.... Maybe years ago you could get away with this shit but try that now and you'll be spending time defending yourself in court.

How fucking long were they married? Because Jeremy isn't worth that. So she cheated, big deal. Self flagellation won't change that and if she's that mentally ill, why not have her committed? Couple that with a hare brained scheme to fake his own death and you have two mentally retarded people who truly deserve each other.

This is another story that illustrates death before dishonour. The concept that adultery must be paid for with blood and whether the husband kills her or she kills herself, it is fucked up.

I don't think I've ever read a sadder story. Such pain for everyone. I'm one of those BTB people but even I couldn't wish the punishment this woman went through. Even now an hour after reading this I have a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat. A great story to bring out those feelings, but for my own sanity I shall stay away from these type in the future. hahaha.

THAT was depressing as hell.

Well written though.

JimC

I enjoy your writing...however you have incorrectly used THEIR rather than THEY ARE...maybe I am just an old stickler for a good fundamental English education. See the sentence below!

There's even been talk of committing me, 'for my own good', maybe their right.

My overriding impression is the narrator has bipolar or " functional" sociopath traits to be able to turn his emotions on ( totally enraptured by wife almost since he knew her ) UNTIL her infidelity , then he squelches the torrent of painful emotion of loss in a way most men would never be able to achieve .

Stonewall1954 and bachgenbachdrwg made some solid points,in their review . I had a friend who treated his ex-wife almost as if they never met when their 20 year marriage sundered for reasons unknown to me . It seemed surreal in that case because they ' appeared ' not just content , but happy in that relationship.

I didn't understand then or now my friends' relationship sinking so fast , without concern or frantic attempts to salvage and little outward expressions of pain on his part . Cue Chuck Berry classic that played as Uma Thurman and John Travolta twirled and pirouetted to in ' Pulp Fiction ' - " You Never Can Tell ".

I thank JayDiver for sharing.

I can't say I 'enjoyed' the story- you'd have to be warped, or just in a really lousy emotional place to enjoy it. The writing style is unusual but works; and it's well written insofar as maintaining a tone, pace, and message. Jeremy didn't do anything wrong. She wrecked their marriage through selfishness, he was more generous than he needed to be, and she wallowed in self pity. He didn't punish her, she did that all by herself. Well, by herself with help from her 'other personality' - plenty of mental illness in her head.

I don’t care that his reputation is well-known, if so, that MAY be grounds for a suit against the company, that they are allowing this predator to continue in his actions.

If he is in a superior position, even knowing his “predilections” may not allow his targets to stay away. HE may understand the word “no,” but how many women have told him no so that other woman feel that it’s safe to do so?

Marge – Marge has been married a long time. Not that it’s an excuse, but she quite possibly is in a stale marriage, there is no indication that that is the case with Kat and Jeremy.

I’ve only finished the first page, and even if it’s self-induced, I don’t think her actions deserve this degree of BTB!

What I don't understand is how he could continue to stay away when he saw that she was effectively dying. Never mind faking his death, just go back to give her some closure. No RAAC, just a chance to close the book on their marriage.

from a look at the comments I guess this is just one of a lot of things in life I just don't get, so if it's just me keep on writing, looks like the rest of the folks get it and enjoy it, me, not so much.

intentionally written to unintentionally destroy the bitch. damn this was very depressing. i like btb, i hate cheaters, those who think its no big deal cheating on your spouse are no worse than thieves in my book. reading through her struggles was bad. 3 years of guilt or is it 3 years of losing you soulmate. similar to when some old people cease to function when we when the other half has passed on. I dont know. anyways i have seen some feminazis comment on this crying out blody murder because of this. they make me laugh.

This isn't done well. This is supposed to be a kaleidoscope of images that come together to form a stark pattern. This never came together, but remains just a jumble of confused colors. The ending is sophomoric and the whole effort is wasted.

The talent present in the effort to be "edgy" and fresh was insufficient to the task and it just became moribund. Thanks for trying, but just a conventional story would have been better. Forget the esoteric mumbo-jumbo and just tell a story. This gets a three for the effort. It wasn't executed well enough to get more.

Worse than burn the bitch stories. Slow self destruction and death . He never knew her pain for cheating and guilt . He dies she dies. No resolution. Very sad . Two live that could be saved lost forever. This could have been fixed.

Even worse than part 1.

Well written and original. Got me thinking that being unable to forgive diminishes us. Jeremy knew she had suffered intensely for years, yet was unable to put her adultery aside. Whose was the worse sin?

He thought that faking his death would relieve her guilt?

Cheating has consequences. She found out the grass wasn't greener on the other side. . Sorry, but I can't feel sorry for her. So be it. Yes, it was dark, but that sometimes is reality.

You did promise that it was dark, but unlike some of the comments below, I feel you did a good job of showing a troubled mind in suffering. Honestly, there were two parts in the story that would have been a better stopping points, in my opinion.

The first would simply be the part where she finds out about his "death." I think this was a direction that didn't need exploring, as it emotionally took the anguish she had, and morphed it into something else. Had this been the stopping point, the end would have stayed true to the pain and "death of the marriage" that they both felt.

Second place was where she seems to be fading at the end, that would have been the best time to stop, delivering the maximum amount of pain in words. Continuing on to tell a quick blurb about his side of the story again, seems disjointed to me.

Anyhow thanks for sharing!

RNebular

I am btb fan . He should have popes back into her life called her a skank

Was a good read thank you

I would say that this story was on the dark side. Both submissions. For what its worth to the author, it was well written. Just a little over kill, and Had to flush out the pages. But the good news is, no wimps or cucks in this. Which is a pleasant change.

Very dark. Not just her, but his soul is dead. While she hurt him and in her own way destroyed his soul, he want out of his way to kill her. This was very sad but was very well written.

Annony is just an old fat ugly fag fool who hates everything

The darkness of this story is beyond anything I've seen in Literortica. The story telling is dramatic and well organized. I would not have been disappointed if they had figured out some way to get together at some level. They both needed peace in their lives and neither one achieved that. A very sad and lonely story that was well worth reading although it will probably mess up my day. (Somehow this author learned the proper way to structure a sentence between the first 'glimpse' story and this one.)

So I read both stories and I don't think I could ever be so cold and heartless. I can understand heartbreak as i've had mine stepped on severely but as I look back to that after reading this I am proud of myself for just walking away and holding my head high. If this story were true this x husband could never hold his head up again!

If others would see the pain caused by affairs, then maybe, just maybe, affairs would not happen. But they do. A movie could be based on this story. 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟. Keep it up.

Right in your intro:

"There's a further limitation in that this entire story. Happens in Kat's mind only after 2:10am, then for the little bit she's in bed. Before she starts her day."

Why are there THREE periods in this one sentence? You can't even write as good as an ESL (English as Second Language) writer. It is like you are an alien with no idea what sentences even are. I would say to get an editor, but who would want to edit this level of poor writing?

Definitely 1* no matter what the content.

What a fucking dick, he knew she was dying and he all but kills her, NOBODY IS THAT STUPID TO FAKE A DEATH TO SNAP SOMEONE OUT OF DEEP DEPRESSION. Nice story till the end

You have a unique ability to put us in the minds of your characters, in spite of you nontraditional style and muddled word usage, but those things, especially the word usage issues, do detract from your story.

I agree with others that the mood of the the first glimpse story was right on. We felt the husband's realistic pain. This second story was over the top; we went from realism to surrealism way too quickly.

Your writing and imagination are ,for the most part, superb.

I almost wish you had stopped with the first story. The revelations provided in this part made what happened to cause the affair more critical to understanding. The great "Why?" Question. No single specific answer was provided. Maybe there was no answer.

Did find it hard to fathom how a couple who went back as far as these two did could not attempt to communicate at the end. Both compartmentalized their emotions and surrendered

But heh this is a story and it is YOUR story. Thanks

Ed

Imagine that. Literature in Literotica. Well written short story.C1CE

Guilt the pale horseman.

This story was so sad and draining. Could you write an uplifting one as a contrast?

Well thought, well conceived and we'll told.

Remarkable.

5*

Women don't act this way. It is always the husband's fault. Not credible for her to pine away. And faking his death was stupid. This dawg don' hunt.

What a egotistical mind could write such crap - I had to fast forward to the end to see just how bad this story could possibly be and it was even worst then I could have imagined. This is one of those stories that you wish you could "unread"!

This part only turned it worst.

And his parents ???

How about coming back, forgiving her, but saying he just can't be married to her anymore . . . then both getting therapy to move on - either together or apart. Nah, too simple right? He really wants to teach her a lesson, so he fakes his death.

Ah well, interestingly written downer. I enjoyed the style, if not the unrealistic direction.

Some people didn't like it. Mind you, in fairness to them it was filled with some difficult concepts.

when their own criticism is ungrammatical. Awkward...

She knew he couldn't really be dead, and it turned out she was right. She descended into a bit of madness for a while . . . but Jeremy's parents, totally disgusted with him, and actually being decent people, decided to help.

Finally some doctor thought about checking for physical reasons for her actions. It turned out she had a small aneurysm, dangerous, but operable, and swelling in her brain and occasional leaking (for years) caused erratic behavior, delusion, even some hallucination. Finally they had a clue as too what had a part in her inappropriate behavior.

Deciding turnabout was fair play . . . they told Jeremy she'd died of heart failure. Comparisons of how the two reacted to each other's death made it clear to everyone (who hadn't realized it yet) that she'd loved him a lot more than he'd ever loved her.

As she recovered, she began to realize what a shit Jeremy was, how he'd abandoned her, and no longer regretted hurting him. In fact, she contacted Eric, and they eventually married and had a lovely, intelligent girl, and a clever, charming boy both of whom grew up to do much good.

Jeremy's faked death was, of course, discovered. Things got worse as word got around he'd abandoned a sick wife. Even though decent, his artwork was forever considered part of a hoax, and no one wanted it anymore. He eventually went back to apologize to Kat, but then had to deal with seeing her with Eric again. She thanked him for the apology, and wished him well, turned her back, and walked to her true love.

He changed his name, became much like Eric had been for a while, but like Eric, became disillusioned as he saw the pain he caused. Eventually he got into advertising, and did fairly well. He married, had kids, lived somewhat happily, but not as happily as he could have if he'd forgiven Kat, supported her, and eventually grown to be considered the greatest artist of his time.

After his death at 89 (10 to 21 years sooner than if he'd stayed with Kat . . . and with only one family member checking on him every now and then) he ended up in the vast purgatory of 'what-might-have-been' seeking his the life he could have had. He did find it . . . but . . . God, being even less forgiving than Jeremy, took eons to forgive him . . . and never forgot . . .

At least . . . that's what I heard . . .

Morose, steadily downhill, any happy ending becoming less possible by the paragraph. Yet compelling enough to keep reading. Your gift is evident. I would like to see you use the same intensity and vocabulary to write humor.

though sad/depressing enough that I wouldn't want a steady diet of similar stories.

I thought the faked death marred the story and led to an awkward ending. I also noticed a few of the grammar errors; but given the quality of the writing, they were hardly relevant.

For me, the simple fact is that this story, in spite of its depressing nature and flaws, is simply much better than 99% of the stories on this site. An easy 5 stars

I think that there is a far greater expectation of good grammar from someone who presumes to write for public consumption, and someone making an idle comment!

And, yes, the grammar was truly awful, and I was generally a fan of the story until the end.

BTW, I thought that the young girl in her visions was going to turn out to have been her unborn daughter.

C24j WTH?!?!

He was trying to help her move on. Granted it may not have been the best way to handle it but if you really want to.know the truth, he could have just done nothing at all since he divorced her because she CHEATED on him. If you add to the story please keep the info given correct. And what kind of parent would help the person who betrayed their child. And Eric was a putz who tucked his tail and ran. How on earth did he become this wonderful person???????..... You made this a completely different story.

It is a shame that Shakespeare is not around to turn this plot into a heart breaking play.

The author is to be congratulated for his world building.

Mistakes in grammar, especially "I seen" rather than "I saw", this was an excellent story. I gave the story 5* and a favorite because of the story itself. Please get an editor who can correct the grammar, or learn the correct usages.

At times this is very powerful and dark. I think you have an original and poetic voice, although your grammar really is very bad. Above all is the problem of separating parts of sentences with periods, making them separate sentences when they're not.

I also thought that her account of her suffering--while deeply powerful--went on a lot longer than needed to make the story work.

Nonetheless, the overall effect of this is very dramatic and powerful.

Thanks for your story--

ohio

I liked it. Yes. It is dark. Very dark, but it expresses the dark places that a ,ind will go when experiencing a divorce. Especially a divorce for infidelity. My one negative observation is that it is unnessesarily repetitive. Your imagery was so well done that it made many of the little "episodes" redundant. Over all I liked it and I hope you write more. Not all quite so dark maybe, but you did it well.

Thank you for sharing.

Anony 4/16 - Yes, I'm aware she cheated, and Eric, as written, seemed to grow, as Jeremy devolved into a bitter, cruel vestige of a human being. With the idea of faking his own death which HE ridiculously rationalizes as helping them move on while in addition, conveniently, to making his paintings worth more . . . a cruel con for money, fame, and sport, he ends up being more criminal than victim.

Eric grew. He was once an unrepentant lothario . . . now he's a remorseful regular guy. We don't know for sure his past, though it's hinted some pain may have been involved.

Jeremy, on the other hand, seems to revel in making Kat suffer (his parents were keeping him up-to-date, remember?). If he'd done nothing, she'd probably still be alive. Jeremy abandoned her and watched her demise from a distance . . .then, as she started to recover, delivered the final, cruel, lethal psychological blow. Boy he sure taught her a lesson!!! He's scum . . . much, much worse than Eric, who was little more than your typical run-of-the-mill asshole at his worst . . . and even got cured of that.

I really enjoyed part one, and felt the guilt left on Kat was probably going to be lifelong and sufficient . . . I didn't realize 'lifelong' was so short as she descends into madness. Further, once severe delusion and/or insanity results, the 'guilt' loses it's meaning and power. The guilt you (or at least I) want the betrayer to feel has to be real and palpable . . . leading to regret, remorse, and hopefully, eventually, to growth. All that's diluted and even washed away when replaced by delusion and madness.

The author has flipped it so Eric seems to be becoming a good guy, Kat the victim, her (formerly toxic) friends sympathetic supporters, and Jeremy the self-centered, insensitive villain. Good writing, pretty good story, but tough to read, with little satisfaction in terms of the betrayer learning a lesson.

I'll give you marks for the writing and deep thinking 5*

I found the style very difficult to read however. As entertainment.......just not my cup of tea.

Her first manifestation of mental illness was fucking Eric. She simply had no sane reason for such betrayal, and her subsequent descent into madness was her soul's response to heart's failure. She abandoned her integrity and self respect, and fucked Eric, continuously, for the fun of it, plane and simple. She ends up committing a very slow and mindless suicide, to match her slow and mindless adultery.

Jeremy should have taken pity on her, and would have, if he had known the true depth of her suffering. But all he knew was she was sorry, remorseful, and enjoyed fucking Eric, a lot, until she got caught. Jeremy never expected Kat to betray him, it was totally outside his knowledge of her as his wife. So it follows he never expected Kat to compound her mental dysfunction by killing herself through auto-starvation. His effort to make her move on was stupid and juvenile, the same as Kat's decision to start fucking, romancing, dancing and dining, with Eric. Both Kat and Jeremy miscalculated the destruction their actions would cause. They are equally to blame, and equally to be pitied.

A very heart wrenching and intellectually compelling story. Thank you for your time and talent. And thank you for allowing anonymous comments. That's class, and courage.

quit with your dillusions for a happyending for the cheating ex. so sad leave it as it is.

I actually like the new word. It seems to be a neat combination of delusion, dilution, and illusion . . . which is what my take was meant to be.

He faked his death (with help) . . . so it seemed like it might be fun if she faked her death (with help). One odd turn deserves another. It was just a coincidence that such 'dillusions' provided happy endings. Look at my 'dillusion' carefully though . . . was it REALLY happy??? Things worked out for both, but did either of them end up as well off as if they'd stayed together??

Outstanding.

Wow. It sure did turn into a dark tale. Would never had thought that would happen but now what is it going to do to him knowing that in a sense he killed her. Keep writing

I will not read this one again. Too heart wretching

A seriously emotional tale. Part of me wants you to continue to explore this while another part wants it to stop here.

Keep writing.

I'm a huge hater of gutless husband and supposed remorseful wives. this one was well worth reading and she got her just desserts .

Really sad and dark, I could only hope in reading that things would work out for them in the end. That's the romantic part in me I guess. Keep writing "5"

If I have to read that stupid phase one more time I am going to fucking kill somebody. It doesn't work .. it is annoying and it's not effective.

How exactly does Jeremy and his parents think that pretending he is dead and huiing the truth from the ex wife a good idea?? Perhaps at one point in the story Jeremy and his folks thought that this might give the ex wife a psychological break from the marriage and the chance to start over.

But once Jeremy and his parents found out how rapidly his ex wife was falling apart... why would he still keep doing this ? WHY then would the parents keeps doing this?

The reason given in the story as to WHY Jeremy and his parents came up with this idea was that they could see no serious harm coming from this plan. If that is true then once they saw how badly the wife of suffering why would they stick with a plan?

They get so caught up in writing their story and truing to be original that they are unable to see these huge plot holes in the story. Personally I think it is morally unethical and disgusting for a husband to pretend that he is dead and to enlist his own family even if it is for a good cause-- which in this case it allegedly was ( for the wife to get a chance to move on).

But in the story we now KNOW that Jeremy knew of at least some of the mental anguish and deterioration she was going through. When the ex wife went to the parents and they saw how she had fallen apart and saw her mental anguish ...Jeremy and his parents should have e called off this entire scheme.

THIS is WHY this story fails. Sure idiots like MattblackUK gave this story a 5 But most thinking people see that failure of this author to "see" this monster plot hole ... is why he will never be a good writer.

killing herself over a failed marriage was her own fault or more like the authors fault, and yes she did kill herself by wallowing in self pity. Not his fault she couldnt handle it, he gave her 5.5 million in the divorce and moved on with his life. Forgiveness is a choice and if he doesn't want to give closure to the slut, so be it.

its says quite clearly in the story that the fake death plan was being used because it would do no lasting harm to the wife and it would be better in the long term for the ex wife.

and of course implied in that ... is the assumption that the wife was essentially of sound mind

Once Jeremy and the parents saw that was NOT the case to continue such a scheme is murder by indifference.

the $5.5 million is not the issue you moron

Sounded like a bad acid trip that would never end. Because she was intelligent, she knew as soon as he saw her with her lover he would leave and never return. He moved on and she never could. Did his faked death speed up the downfall? I don't think so. She just was in her alternative reality until her heart could take no more. A proper end for a cheater? Maybe in fiction. But maybe in reality don't cheat and live. Just saying.

You said it was dark and you meant it! Not the usual story on LW at all but well written. I also found it cerebral- in a thinking story. By the multiple comments from Harry in VA saying how terrible your writing is you must have done really well. Yeah it's not perfect writing but I do like and appreciate that YOU ended the story. I missed the first Glimpse but read it first as you put Pt 2 in the description - thank you! Have to check some of your other stories but will encourage you to keep at it.

Please keep writing and I will keep reading.

Wow! Reading this is enough to make a good man cry—or maybe cuss. Up until about six months ago I’d have said you based your story on an impossible pile of crap. Now I know only too well I would be wrong—such things can happen—but I hope to never see or read about it again.

Why do I say “see”? Six months ago I saw a very good friend grieve himself to death over the death of his wife—and he did it in a matter of about two months. I’m giving you a four on this one, since you do have the writing errors already pointed out by others.

I truly hope if you ever decide to write another such story, you’ll once again warn us as you in this one. For my part, I promise to never again ignore your warnings. Strangely enough your writing has a quality bout it that makes it almost impossible to put aside once you start.

Ugh

Really?

Must be a slow news day in your area.....

Really too introspective.

Their, they're, there

Two, to ,too

Eidetic memory is most often called "photographic memory".

I'd like to encourage you, but not in this vein. This was positively depressing.

Please stop, or write a sane alternative.

I started my day reading your story JayDiver, at 4:55 am. I liked it. Much easier to read than part one "Just a Glimpse".

Gave you 3*s.

Thank you for the very entertaining story.

AMerryman

Yes, this was very dark. Her internal reflections, besides the weird African keaning, were pretty coherent. I think a common reaction when your life goes off the rails is listlessness, but this is taken to the extreme here and is tragic. I kind of wish the husband never did check back in or try to indirectly influence events. Now he knows she's gone and the guilt comes. Sure, he's not at fault but he is the cause or the trigger. I don't like sad stories, generally, but this two chapter story is a very nice achievement. I like the exploration of why a happily married person would have an affair- it is expressed about as good as I've seen so far.

Our ear orifices leak the bleeding sounds that our orbes, now barely slits, overflow with - keening, keening, KEENING! THAT IS ALL! not even worth an overindulgent high school girl's english paper! KEEN THAT for all the moments we were exposed to your AFRICAN CRY.

but I think i really like this story.

I think the obvious question to be asked is:

Who loved who most?

And what does that mean, in this category?

Green-something

(and it responds to my disquiet with passive aggressive stories like "the cost")

My only problem is that only a very foolish man would think that faking his own death would "alleviate" guilt. That makes no sense at all. And this coming from a person that has some expertise in the psych field.

So a very good story with a very flawed last scene. I did not rate this story because the flaw would not allow the five stars the rest of the story earned, but I didn't have the heart to lower the score with less.

Jeremy's parents were so upset about their collusion in Jeremy's fake death causing what they thought was Kat's death that they made a suicide pact. They were about to kill themselves when Kat showed up and reminded them that she'd faked her death after they'd told her that their son had faked his.

So, the three of them worked together to fake their (Jeremy's parents') death. When Jeremy came home for his parents' funeral, he found out all of his other relatives were dead too. In fact, most of the town was dead . . . at least that's what Jeremy thought. He immediately called his priest friend Father Egan, only to find out he was dead as well.

Fortunately, they had all faked their deaths . . . except this one 102 year old guy who'd had a wonderful life and wanted to get in on the joke even though he really was on his last few hours of life. He died very amused and happy, so no need to talk about him anymore.

The rest went pretty much as I said in the other message about Kat faking her death.

The real tragedy, was not the deaths, you see, but the fact that two people who loved each other very much let foolishness and stubborness deprive themselves, their families, and the rest of the world of some great happiness. Now Kat did pretty well with Eric (and Chrissie, as she explored her bisexuality). Jeremy did okay with his wife Hildegard - 'Keeper of the Faked Death Loincloths' (an odd title she'd acquired while collaborating with Cleo, the Cantankerous Crow . . . but that's another story). But . . . neither Kat nor Jeremy was as happy as they would have been if they'd stayed together (though Eric and Kat ended up giving the world better kids than she and Jeremy would have had).

I think there's a lesson in that for all of us.

Emotions, so powerful. Uplifting or destructive. A very sad story. Very well written.

I could not enjoy reading it. It deserved a high rating.

this one slipped thru. she got what she deserved...

Too wordy with introspective thinking. But it does have the feeling of helplessness and loss. The separation of relationships is hot air. At least in this one we see the person who stabbed their spouse in the back suffer for their sins. Someone who feels the much guilt would have left clues to their wrong doing.

he died essentially when he caught her cheating...

Well written but I kept wanting I'm to save her. Was his killing her fitting punishment?

Torture then murder seems to much.

What a trip into a broken mind. I think Kat kept her affair so compartmentalized that she didn't realize how low she had fallen until Jeremy exposed it to her. She simply couldn't handle the truth of her betrayal. Jeremy made his choice, he just left. He did nothing but leave her well off, with her lover and the enormity of her loss. He did nothing further to harm her, and he took nothing that she hadn't already given up. It was painful to see her decline, but it was all in her mind. Cheating may be more prevalent than we wish to believe, but I don't think it very often ends well for the cheater. You can rationalize, and alibi all you want to, but eventually the guilt will get you. This was a difficult story, very well presented.

After thinking about this a tad, obviously the wife protagonist is very sick and has always been very sick, whether she realized it or not.

The key disconnect (for me at any rate) is her psyche put her in a "different world" to allow her guilt free sex with her nothing boy toy - but then literally punished her to death when her husband left her?

Why wouldn't her psyche just ignore her husband leaving her and put her in another "different world" - more unreal fantasy? Or why would her psyche being so desperately needy for her husband prevent her from straying to start out with?

And the husband is so weak and beyond cruel and heartless in continuing his absence after knowing how badly his ex-wife was deteriorating. And thinking faking his death would help his ex-wife? Beyond stupid - for the character - not the author or readers though. So overall good story and worth 5 stars from me.

SO VERY, VERY DRAMATIC!!! Oh, the PATHOS! The only thing missing was cheesy music.

The tale reminded me of a classic Greek tragedy, with its epic love, loss of innocence & biblical betrayal, resulting in insurmountable comprehension. Personally, the author left me with the thought of Horror in the knowledge that, the weight of the wife's guilt would eventually manifest to the husbands despair. How dose one live with that?

A very insightful piece of work "Beyond us mere mortals" :)

Thanks again

One star: that was the most awful torture I ever want to think of anyone enduring.

The husband is one unfeeling bastard.

Guilt has many forms, this had a mind of its own. When soulmates are destroyed, life has no meaning. You portrayed that well in this story. Been betrayed by a soulmate I still can feel her moods, her sorrow, her anguish to this day. Even tho its been 30 years since we last saw each other. You think I may be crazy, maybe I am. But some how I know, some how we are still connected. Her friend told me she feels same and has the same experiences. I believe when one of us leaves this earth the other will know at that second. No, its not the force....5

It never goes away.

What's the expression, "A mind is a terrible thing to lose?" It's a tough read and I can't decide whether all the punctuation errors are meant to reflect the broken mind and chopped thoughts of a woman descending into madness. Interesting, but very hard to read in several ways. I do think it was ambitious and I admire that.

Maybe. But Jeremy didn't burn anyone. Kat burned herself. For this to work in real life, Kat already had some issues under the surface and this triggered them.

Well written angst there, JayDiver.

"Jeremy you should have died at 99 or 110 surrounded by a loving family of children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. But I broke that dream didn't I?"

But earlier in the story Kat said she didn't want children. She was already 35 when she started fucking the other guy, so babies with Jeremy were never really on the cards. How were grandchildren ever going to happen? She'd basically broken that dream already...

It would have been a sad story, but I found I had zero sympathy for the slut. They'd been with each other for 25+ years and she destroyed it all when she decided to get some strange cock... she clearly never loved Jeremy, especially as she didn't want children with him either.

As the subsequent breakdown proved, Jeremy was well shot of the crazy bitch. A better ending would have been Jeremy finding out about her death, sighing sadly at what might have been, then rejoining his second wife and newborn baby.

I’ve really enjoyed reading this story and its precursor. The reasons why have little to do with how we view the two protagonists, but a lot to do with the thoughts that went through their minds. A lot of the enjoyment I get from these stories is in imagining how I would react in similar situations, and these two stories had me really thinking.

The stories were very different to the normal fare in LW, and like a lot of readers I enjoy something different. I don’t have to agree or disagree with how the author portrayed his characters because that’s all they are – just characters in the authors mind – but I really empathized with Jeremy’s thoughts in the first story, and I tried to empathize with Kat’s thoughts in this story (but not entirely successfully).

If I had one criticism (apart from the many grammatical errors) it would be that the way he killed off Kat could have been done without any input from Jeremy, but I also see the authors dilemma in how to achieve this without the story becoming tedious as we watch her slowly die from bulimia, or whatever she was suffering from. By involving Jeremy, the author added a new twist that picked up our interest in seeing how the story would end, and the number of comments shows that at least he generated a lot of discussion (which is good and entertaining in itself).

Thanks for something a little different.

P.S. – If I climb off my literary appreciation high-horse and let my gut instincts take over, then I can’t help but agree with Powersworders previous comment.

So original. Yet, so needing of an editor.

You have such promise as an original thinking story teller. Please keep at it, and PLEASE connect with a professional editor.

Oh, yes, and please keep the good works coming.

5-stars and Favorite.

The only way Kat would go through what she went through was if she had great love for Jeremy and was a very moral person. If it was any less than that she would have moved on after a couple of months, right? So if she had this great love and was such a moral person should he have left her? It's like the old witch test they used to do. They would drown her. If she survived she was a witch. If she died she wasn't lol.

Of course, she could have been going through mental issues or depression when she had her affair. Either way she didn't deserve this outcome.

What's more pathetic is the losers, like Powersworder (the pathetic little man that he is) rejoicing in her suffering & death. Obviously, she was a much more worthy human being, who erred, than those pathetic losers who are worthless human beings who constantly fuck up, but are too hypocritical to only see faults in others.

I commented his leaving her so abruptly to punish her will punish them both. Obviously, she had great love for him. If he had anywhere the same love for her he will be all fucked up knowing the way she suffered and died now. If he simply stayed and they talked it out a bit, they could have both moved on. Not important to me if they moved on together or seperately. Just in as healthy a state as possible for BOTH.