All Comments on 'The Muse is a Goddess Ch. 01'

Congrats!!!

Bone,

You got a good balance between the grins early on, with a nice light touch, and then you rightly left the laughs out when things heated up. A good mix - maybe could do without the one liners during the raunch scenes ("batman" kind of broke the mood for me) - But overall, a good light hearted romp. Some very good observational stuff too, lines here and there that gave a truth to the encounters described.

Your style is nice and easy, accents just right and a steady beat - you forgot the rhythm section, my man: a band can do without the horns, can't do without the kick!

I shall go read the rest of it now.

...in nearly every place I saw, although one borderline spot was the "Batman" comment that electricblue found. The other one liners got her to laugh and were pre-sex (which was what drew Heather to him, obviously). I suppose a few might have said when he wisecracked that about him being horny because of her (when she lost her rent) could have been a deal-breaker...but you kind of used your own character to criticize that and Heather's character went to his place regardless. I buy it: I saw guys saw much more crass things than that and the girls that *really* liked them still ate it up, so that's plausible too. I don't see how the humor here holds back the story in any way; however, the test would be how much more will there be in a longer story.

There are a few things you didn't ask about that strictly from a grammatical/analytical side I saw that aren't nitpicking but you didn't ask for that (but if you want, I can point it out). In a longer story, they wouldn't matter but in a shorter one they can if people are looking for that to not distract from the reading flow, because if you structure the rest of your stuff like this, I would suspect that first over any quips.

Good one Bone,

Sets the tone well.

Love the humor. Sex - good sex - should make one laugh from time to time.

I like the style - very US, and the story is plausible.

I would have liked a little more character development at the beginning, but that's just my personal taste (some of my own stories can tend to 'drag things out' a bit - lol ;) )

Looking forward to Chapter 2 :)

Thanks.