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Nice work, well structured
This was a nice piece, Sinsual. You did a good job of mapping out the story (something I do NOT always do well :) ) to open and close neatly but not choppily. I liked the imagery and the dialogue was good - my favorite line was "Good, so you won't mind watching me leave then, right?"
I liked the character of the boyfriend as well, and in underlying closeness of the relationship - much preferable to the "I have a boyfriend but what the heck let's bonk random strangers" plotline. The tension of having her pleasing the boyfriend and, obliquely, her new admirer was nicely done, and the central character was both sensual and strong without falling into cliches of "fiesty" women.
Well done :)
Shanglan
This was a good story....
I liked the way you moved it along and the way your characters stayed obscure to a point, but only to the point that they needed to be developed for the story. I personally liked the way the dialog drove the story. If this was really was a first effort, Kudos.
Kirk
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