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English
Has...
...a certain youthful charm that is difficult to capture. I do like your style, and was especially stunned by the beginning of "Using the Midnight Oil as Lube"...these lines:
I wanted to be the first to fuck midnight,
Just screw the hell out of the witching hour
I wanted to use the moon for a condom and devour
All her blinking eyes,
...but found the rest of that poem did not come close to matching its beginning. This poem does not, for me, pack the punch of the quote above, but it held me through its length.
A little long
for the point it makes. Some editing would strengthen what remains, and make this a very good poem.
I think all the
experiences build up to the end.
It shows what a rich relationship it was.
Having someone you love and that is your best friend makes the loss twice as hard.
you captured that
I liked it very much.
Thank you
I was intrigued
by the mix of tenderness and violence that seemed to be in the recall. A little more tightening, and the poem can equal the strength of your incredible opening.
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A mite long but rich with powerful youthful emotions; can't get much more real than this.
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This poem was selected from Lit's archive of over 39,000 poems for inclusion in today's Archival Review.
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