All Comments on 'MilSpec Ch. 01'

by Girochen

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  • 19 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
I can't wait for the next chapters.

You did well with the combat scene but the PTSD sequence was what a jarhead would label "outfuckin' standing". The badger game was hotter than hell and cooler than ice.

In short, you can write. Keep up the great work.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
Ditch the M9...

The teams HATE it. I'd subdue the protagonist's talking about PTSD. Most combat vets don't openly talk about it with many people. There were some blatant spelling and grammar errors. If you haven't already done so, I'd advise getting an editor to help out.

Other than that, great job and great start. I'm looking forward to more of Jack and Mona.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
Excellent start, well written and nice flow BUT an experienced editor with more US Navy background would only enhance the product

Keep 'em coming.Interesting angles available without a doubt.

BRAVO!!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
Clip? NO... it's a "MAGAZINE!".

One of the passages stated: "I strapped my combat knife to my leg and slipped my belt holster and M9 in my belt with an extra 'CLIP'..."

No... no... and NO again! It's so wrong for anyone, let alone a 30 year military man, to call a "magazine" a "clip".........

Next thing you know you'll be saying something like: "he turned off his safety on his automatic revolver".

Pro 2nd Amendment & Vietnam vet 64-67

Lone_HawkLone_Hawkalmost 7 years ago

If you decide to continue this, and I hope that you do, listen to some of the comments that have already been presented. It used to be the VFW was where we got together to get things talked out, maybe there is one in the area, we never talk to civilians mainly because they just don't understand no matter what you say. The Chief of Police is probably a vet, so I would build on that relationship in the story.

Enjoyed the story, thanks!

GirochenGirochenalmost 7 years agoAuthor
Rewrites and Reviews

I have already submitted all three chapters of the story. Most of the errors up to now are just in the first story, so I will work on a re-write and submit it when I can. Unfortunately, the way that re-writes are handled on here means there will be no notification that it has changed. But I'll do it anyway for future readers.

I appreciate the feedback and will see what I can do to incorporate it into future works as well as the re-write when I get it done.

Clip versus Magazine, okay, a clip looks sort of the same but has no spring. I learned from that one, thanks.

I am really interested in hearing about the spelling and grammar errors. I do my damnedest to pick them up, but I hear there are grammar errors frequently. I just don't see them, so identification would be helpful.

Thanks!

jntiquesjntiquesalmost 7 years ago

Girochen, Enjoyed the tale. Please continue this story! Clip/magazine? Thanks for this story. Enjoyed it very much. Next chapters will show improvement since you received so much valuable input. jntiques

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
A Winner

Am loving your story. I have knowledge of the area you are writing about. I am Ret/USAF and was stationed at Fairchild in Spokane and was Motor Pool. I was convoy commander nearly every week to take students to the AF Survival School training in the mountains near Cusick. Also went there on weekends to fish or to pick Huckleberrys with the family. Knew the area quite well. Love to read stories where I have a knowledge of that locale. Coffeebean,

Lee2012Lee2012almost 7 years ago
The military quirks and stuff

have two tiny things. You memtion "clicks" on the con. Spot on whe in close proximity to haji Only the plane you were referred to as Senior Chirf by the LT. he handed you promotion orders and discharge muster at the same time. Normally, promotions carry a two year commitment to retain. But navy cam do promos differently than other SOFs. And I inderstand you explaining to mica he could call you Chief versus Master Chief. The kids only ten. You dipictiom og an episode of flashback (PTSD), was sketchy to most, but spot on to actual combat vets...a moment of time and space going ape shit.

Now the valid shit. Great story with lead a hard battle test SEAL who gets it done. Thank you for your service and your human side.

Lee, MSgt (E7) Combat Controler

Nam - 71 & 73

Gilf War

nyc1975nyc1975almost 7 years ago
Do not comment often

You really touched a nerve with a lot of readers. I enjoyed reading their comments almost as much as I did reading your story. They have given you some great feedback without focusing on the typical missing words and misspelling bullshit. Now, you have to finish this well, or all us vets will have to hunt you down and...

Seriously, keep up the good work.

Army Infantry '68-'75

arrowglassarrowglassalmost 7 years ago
Really like this one!

Enjoying the story and your style...more please!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
Enjoyed

Keep it going great storyline

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
Dang man, this is really good

I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Thank you.

The_PedantThe_Pedantalmost 7 years ago
Guns.

Why do Americans have such an unhealthy interest in guns??

LeFrog08LeFrog08almost 7 years ago
Darn good yarn.

Thanks for the reading pleasure.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
A few suggestions...

In the beginning, Pollard starts to introduce himself as Sergeant. You might want to edit that. When asked his mos, he says Navy Seal...he more than likely would reply Special Operator. Finally there isn't a Seal School, it's called BUD/S..Basic Underwater Demolition/Seal training. You write well...looking forward to the rest of the tale..

blackknight314blackknight314almost 7 years ago
You are doing a great job!

Thanks for the start to a great story and the honor that you are giving those of us that have served. I won't belabor issues already covered. I am looking forward to the continuing story. I love that it is set in my backyard as well. I am in Spokane and I know the Cusick area well. USMC 70 - 77 Gy. Sgt

The Pedant - If you have to ask you are unable to understand!

Tall_kTall_kalmost 7 years ago
Great story

Great characters as well! I'm looking forward to reading the rest of it.

robdh51robdh51over 1 year ago

Great writing. Only one nit to pick. The correct term is normally "magazine" NOT "clip". Magazines hold the ammunition and are inserted into the weapon. Clips also hold ammunition but normally are "stripped" when inserting the ammunition into the weapon. There are exceptions to this, but very few. In the case of an M9 it is definitely a magazine.

A question for The_Pedant--

As a person who is excessively concerned with minor details (see definition of pedant) why do so many have such an unhealthy view of firearms? They are simply tools and like any tool they can be used AND mis-used. Just recently a man plowed into a crowd with his vehicle killing several then ran down another person, who turns out to be his mother, the beats her to death with a hammer. Now THAT is a very unhealthy use of two common tools.

Anonymous
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