All Comments on 'Sinful Sister Ch. 01'

No story no build up no details

1 star

Yeah, this was shit. I felt like I was reading someone's answer on a survey with the checklist of qualities you listed off to start.

Everything happens. No build up, no tension, no FEELING of emotion. Paper characters and non-engaging writing.

Read more books and learn how to build a story.

The front door opens, and moments later she is nude watching TV, then she a black bra on, etc What a load of crap!

Apart from no real story line and a too rapid build up, you tended to picture her brother as a total idiot, not being able to remember this, not being able to remember that, mouth too dry to speak - really!!

Pretty boring effort all up.

Go away and think about how to deliver a more credible story line and have it edited by an experienced writer before posting - there are plenty of those on Literotica.

Come on people! It's the writer's first story! Their first effort! The feedback is harsh relative to the writer's experience. Don't knock newbie writers down to the point where they don't want to continue writing because who knows what they could develop into? Everybody starts somewhere...even at the bottom. I'm not saying don't give feedback. By all means....give feedback. Feedback is important! YOUR PRODUCTIVE FEEDBACK!

I used to work at what was one of the greatest financial firms in the country. What made them great was the people. What made the people great, was the training because nobody starts out great. Everybody is a newbie, a diamond in the rough. I was a registered Series 7 securities rep and I spent 8 hrs a day on the phone all calls were on a recorded line. We were CONSTANTLY pulled off the phones for "Coaching". We spent time with team leaders pulling calls and listening to them together.

Now, this could EASILY be a negative, intimidating, non-productive, destructive and crushing experience but this company was smart, saavy. In the beginning it was very intimidating but it did not take very long for me to get to the point where I acutally LOOKED FORWARD to my 'Coaching'. I LOVED my coaching! How could this be? How could being told what I'm doing wrong....become such a positive experience??

They corrected our errors and improved our calls, our conversations, but they did it in such a way as to make it incredibly productive. What these coaches did FIRST..... the absolutely FIRST thing they did, was to tell us NOT what we did wrong ....but what we did RIGHT. And they did not just tell us what we did right....Where they could, they praised us....they patted us on the back, so to speak. Then and only then, did they gently lead us into the coaching. They'd say: " Now there are a few areas I'd like to coach you on...where we could help you to improve your conversations...."

As phone reps we grew in leaps and bounds. I never felt bad about the fact that my performance may have been below par. That I may have sucked big time, but I can guarantee you that my NEXT performance was much, much better. Being coached and corrected in this way was a revelation. Yes, it was obvious to me what they were doing...especially since they coached the phone calls in exactly the same way every single time so it was obviously formulaic..... but you know what? It didn't matter because it WORKED!

This is the culture we should be promoting here, on Literotica. We WANT great writing, we WANT fabulous writers, we WANT believable story lines that draw us into the characters and story. You WANT them on that wall.....(sorry Mr Nicholson)

Please people....give it a try. Don't just tell them that they suck. You think that they don't know they suck? They do...but they are making an effort anyway in the hope that they will someday be getting "FIVES".

Try a different approach. I'd much rather read intelligent, productive feedback than trash talk. In fact, I always admire intelligent, productive feedback.....I say to myself, "Wow...this guy really knows what they're talking about! They really know what writing is all about!"

You know what? I've never given feedback up until now but I believe going forward I'm going to make an effort to change this trash talking culture that lies on the edge of trolling. I WANT to develop great writers here and I am going to try and do my part instead of just bitching about trash talk feedback....I'm going to make a real effort to change the paradigm by taking my own advice. Ease up guys....make an effort to give some productive feedback that doesn't feel like a spanking!

Ignore the trolls. The only thing they're good at is wanking and trashing others who are better than they are.

It is a good story and deserves to have further chapters.

yep another piece of shit allowed on the site. delete it and have a GOOD EDITOR help you rewrite it. it needs to be three times longer minimum.

I enjoyed your story .Great job for first time .Would love to see where you go with it .Keep writing and don't let the bad reviews on here get to you .Most can't write and enjoy crapping on those that can . Hope to see more soon Thanks for the good read .....

Pay attention to the bad reviews, but don't let them crush your spirits. Guys like ductch513nels telling you everything is fine are doing you no favors. Listen to what is said, because a lot of what the bad reviews are saying are true. Take that information and improve your storytelling. If you do that you can only get better. Who cares how harshly it is put.

This story needed some work, but it has good bones. Read some other good authors on Literotica (those scoring over 4.5 stars on their ratings) and then make changes to your second chapter based on what you learned from those authors. Right now your are a 3 star author, but with some work and learning from other authors you could move up to above 4 stars.

Need to describe the sex. Not just say "I don't remember...." will make it even hotter but part from that really good.

The comment saying "yep another peice of shit" hasnt the balls to identyfy himself, just mouths off but problably got hard reading it !!

DONT LISTEN TO HIM ,!

I enjoyed your story, it felt real, sometimes the best things that happen you cant remember, anyway i look forward to another chapter :)

Normally, one page drag races don't do much for me. This story though, reached me.

I wish you'd have calmed down and proofed it - it was as if you got too excited once he saw her naked, and started making cheap mistakes. Calm down, MetalHead! lol

I wish you described the sex, even if you don't remember making something up would make the story at least somewhat better but it was good overall

Good start. But one page stories seem far to rushed.

Don't stop now though - will you !

Hell no woman can be that hot and be that talented and liked by "everyone"

If Camille was that hot guys from the next town would be over sniffing around, and yes most hot girls do have a tank for a boyfriend too.

This is what makes your story fall apart, plus the bit when you say you dont remember fucking her, damn everyone fucking a hot babe always remembers unless their shit faced so even more rubbish to add to your story.

Put it this way, i wont be jumping to read anymore thats for sure !!

1* sorry did nowt for me, too unrealistically unbelievable !!!

Good start., i like short stries, its not easy to write a good short storie. you are on the right direction.

Something about this story is so real.

Something like that happened to me, but my sister and I were swimming in our pool.

She was splashing around in the water, kind of jumping and spinning around at the same time.

When her tits sprang free from her top, as the swirling water moved the top free.

Her beautiful young pink puffy nipple capped C cup tits, in my view for the first time.

Though she didn't seem to notice.

I did and so did my hard dick.

Let me tell you a little about my 18 year old sister Lilly, she is about 5ft 5, around 110 pounds.

She has long wavy brown hair, and deep blue eyes. wonderful 34C breasts, with a sweet tight butt.

I was transfixed on her beautiful tits, as I moved closer to her in the water.

As if I was in a trance, I started jumping up and down too.

Letting my swim trunks fall down, to my knees with my cock bouncing up and down under the water.

I headed right up to her and put my hands out splashing her, then grabbing for her.

Just getting a handful of those soft tits, I was in heaven.

She was laughing and bouncing up and down with me as my cock was hard between us.

I reached down holding her hips, as we bounced together pushing down her bottoms.

She was laughing saying. "Our bottoms, are off, and my tits are out. I can see your junk."

Still laughing she said, "Did I do that, you know, make you hard?"

Kicking her bottoms off, then leaned back and floated right in front of me.

Opening her legs so I could get a close look at her pussy, actually floating her pussy right in my face.

I reached out grabbed her by her ass from underneath, and stuck my tongue in that sweet shaved pussy.

I just kept on licking, and sucking that pink pussy till she clamped her legs around my head, then bucked and rocked her cunt on my face. Coming.

"Wow!, that was the best, you made me cum!" Lilly said. as she swam up and wrapped her arm around my neck, reaching down with her other gripping my cock.

Me feeling her stiff little nipple, as she wrapped her legs around me.

Guiding my hard cock into her pussy, as again she started to bounce on my cock.

The water wasn't making the entry any easier, washing away our natural lubricant.

Though, slowly, inch by inch, I was in sucking on her nipple, until I was in to deep to keep her nipple in my mouth.

We both were bouncing in the water until I felt my cum filling Lilly's tight pussy.

Even as she came she sighed. "Ah Oh You fuckin came in me, you fuckin jerk,

I'm not on the pill yet." then said, " I should have sucked your cock, you could have cum in my mouth"

"Lets get out of the pool, I want to feel you against me dry" Lily said.

"Me too." I said." You have a perfect body, I want to feel you nice and dry."

"I can't wait to cum in your sexy mouth." I said.

"Lets get inside" Lilly said, as she ran naked to the house.

The beginning of a long wonderful summer.

Thanks for the read.

The "oh, yeah and we've been fucking for a week" bit was really clumsy. Up to and after that point, it was good, but that transition was lazy. Just tell the story, man. Dont throw in random shit before the reader can get hooked. It feels very childish. Other than that, good job.

DAAA! WHAT HAPPENED HERE?

To the third comment below mine

WTF!!! your comment is as long as the story itself