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English
Nice
two quick comments, this is nice:
"Pale yellow
Light paints
Turning sand into gold"
this needs to be worked on, you have brush, sand colored, silk thread, and rain, it needs a little more unification.
"The brush slides through
Sand colored, silk thread
Like rain down a window"
Titles are a bitch!
This poem is worthy of something more than "Brush". As you contemplate twelveone's excellent suggestion, also revisit your title. A wise poet once told me that when in doubt, try using the next to the last line of the poem. Damned if it doesn't work most of the time!
"Falling Asleep to a Lullaby" has possibilities.
I agree about
the title..though I usually give things a harmless title..I think it springs the intensity better.
Beautiful Images and a tender poem.
I like the rain on the window line myself...but it's phrased the way I write.
I think it could be more intense, richer, but i also like it the way it is.
The trick is knowing when you are done.
Thank you
stroking
the memories of tender sharing...beautiful pen....lol *blue*
~
this was a lovely read
~anna who does not use the thermometer for ratings
this is absolutely lovely
This part is wonderful:
The brush slides through
Sand colored, silk thread
Like rain down a window
*no thermometer rating
~~
Beautiful imagery bringing to life precious memories.
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